Parenting resources

I recall somewhere in the recesses of my aging brain a time past when kids actually asked to borrow the family car for the evening. Heck, I even recall myself uttering that request to my folks many times. In fact, it was a science. If you had a hot date (in my case that was more a generic term for any reason to get away) you waited all day for the right time to pop the request.

Sometimes doing those little chores you normally avoided just to put the parental decision-maker (knowing which parent to ask was most important) in a good frame of mind. And then once you asked the question it was important that you grovel a bit and look sincere as the one granting your wish dangled the keys like a carrot on a stick while reciting the familiar drive-carefully-and-pay for the gas-you-use-and-I-want-you-back-by-eleven speech (sometimes with future ‘chore’ clauses you had to promise to accomplish). Without a doubt it was the artful application of psychology, persuasion, and negotiation, spawned by greed and selfishness, which in the end resulted in loving extortion. But it was the right of passage when you were a teenager.

Well, my friends, I am sorry to say that all that has passed into history like the Model T. Why, you ask? Well, for us it seemed to have all started when our three charming offspring entered high school. One of the ‘advantages’ to living in suburbia is that the school is generally on the other side of town. My wife and I hail from a large urban area and all the schools were within walking distance. We never complained about the walk because our parents had to walk 5 miles to school everyday butt naked in a blinding snowstorm during The Great Depression. But not our kids. They wouldn’t even wait a block away for public transportation on a pleasant Summer’s day (that’s so un-cool). See, the problem is that thing in high school called ‘extra-curricular activities’. It doesn’t matter what sport, club, or activity it is, they all get out at different times. As a result my wife and I have spent our formative middle aged years schlepping our young not-so-innocents to and from the school.. sometimes multiple times a day. Couple that with catering to their social requirements of being dropped off or picked up at friends’ homes (also across town)it’s no wonder we were too weary to go to PTA meetings.

So one day as I sat in front of the school on slow burn as the fencing club was again going into overtime I vowed that this would all stop when the kids got their licenses. We are far from rich but I decided there

and then to make sure all three of them have a car even if it was just rust and duct tape. I had more important things I could be doing, like earning money and paying bills and other fun adult things. Since my kids are all close in age they all pretty much got their ‘passes to freedom’ at the same time and all three were chomping at the bit at the idea of their folks buying them each a car. They were even quite willing to provide their own input as to their preferred vehicle of choice, even if it was going to be something used.. oh, maybe a year or two old. But, much to their chagrin (and much to the ease of our budget) we managed to provide three ‘wonderful’ vehicles from the previous decade with mileage to match; basic transportation. Alas, I was free! Three vehicles for the kids and one for my wife and myself!

Life was wonderful. Oh, sure, trying to fit our family fleet of four vehicles in the driveway or on the street was a challenge, as well as the inconvenience of doing the car shuffle to ‘unbury’ someone who had to leave the driveway (always the buried one who has to leave right away).. but it was worth it. But then one day the inevitable happened.. the parental vehicle broke down. This was not supposed to happen in my grand plan. I had a ‘hot date’ planned for that evening.. my wife and I were going to dinner and a movie. So I approached my oldest in some instinctive groveling manner, “Son, can I use your car this evening?”

I put on a face of empathy and sympathy as I listened to a tirade about how this was going to cramp his evening’s social activities but in the end he dangled his keys on front of me and gave me the drive-carefully-and-make-sure-you-pay-me-for-the-gas-you-use speech, adding that I owed him big time for this ‘favor’.

As I reached for the keys in his hand I found myself almost saying, “Thanks, dad!”

About The Author

Doug Burkland is degreed in the behavioral sciences and writes articles regarding family life, parenting, human sexuality, entrepreneurship, and current events. An aging baby boomer raised in the Mid-West and having liberal-conservative attitudes, Doug is an admitted ‘survivor’ of public education who thinks he has something to say that people might like to read; sometimes using a bit of healthy satire, mixed with friendly sarcasm, and at times tempered with thought provoking common sense. Along with being an entrepreneur (having had three businesses of his own), Doug has a broad perspective on balancing life and family.

http://www.dougburkland.com or email doug@dougburkland.com

Does music need to be “dumbed-down” for kids? The answer became quite clear to me and my husband as we observed how our own child responded to complex melodies and varied musical styles in the first months of her life.

When I embarked on the recording of my children’s music CD (“Wake Up & Go To Sleep”, Artsong Music) shortly after my daughter was born, it didn’t occur to me to create a happy little watered down collection of songs made just for young listeners. The songs simply evolved as the experiential narrative of a new mom.

My husband, jazz guitarist and composer Pat Kelley, arranged and produced the CD bringing his rich diverse musical experience into play and giving the CD a broad stylistic range. Our daughter Katie seemed delighted by the whole project, which took four years to complete. She even contributed song writing and vocal performances.

It was only later, when the CD was released and people began to listen, that we discovered how much parents were moved by it. We have received many thanks for creating music that is a pleasure to listen to alone and with children.

Children have a more innate ability to absorb music than most adults. At a young age they have minds that are open to everything rather than filled with influences telling them what they should and should not like. Our daughter feels joy listening to Mozart, Hawaiian music, The Beatles, or Glenn Miller. Music only requires an open mind to find enjoyment in its beauty.

The earliest experience of music is in a child’s first cry. Crying has tone and is the earliest sound that expresses emotion. For many infants, the next experience of music is the intimate songs a mother sings as she rocks and soothes her baby to sleep. Indeed this is a mother’s own sound language that is completely unique to her and her baby. These may be some of the most meaningful and bonding moments of the mother/infant relationship.

But where do you go from here? If you begin to expose babies to myriad musical styles, you can witness early responses. Even in the early weeks of life, a baby will respond to complex classical works. Our daughter at three weeks old reacted to a Rachmaninoff piano concerto, eyes searching, facial changes pronounced. Clearly these sounds had a dramatic and positive effect. After having been very active kicking and fussing, she became still, seemingly enthralled in the music.

By exposing kids to a variety of musical styles, they begin to develop their response to what moves them to sing and

dance, or be calmed, and even what turns them off. Critical listening can start early. And by exposing them to varied music they will develop the ability to appreciate many different styles. Your kids are completely open and ready to absorb anything new. There is no reason to limit what they hear just because you might think they are too young to understand it. Great music does not require understanding to be enjoyed and absorbed on the most organic level.

Sometimes music helps children express what they aren’t able to articulate. In the earliest days, it is often simply the sheer joy of singing and using the voice that enables a child to begin to develop a love of music. Singing just feels good, both emotionally and physically to a child. Dancing or moving to music is a natural expression of rhythm, which is part of life. Encourage your children to sing and dance and they will be more free and expressive.

As you explore the world of children’s music, also introduce the music you like to your kids. This can be a time for both of you to explore new musical styles such as jazz, classical, bluegrass, blues, funk, and a variety of world and ethnic music. If you aren’t sure what to buy, visit your local library. Most libraries have a very good section of CDs in a broad range of styles. Ask the librarian for suggestions. Try checking out a different style CD each week. Of course you can browse the Internet and visit your favorite on-line music stores. Many sites offer downloadable music samples.

Music is at the heart of a child’s spirit. In our CD “Wake Up & Go To Sleep” we celebrate that spirit and the preciousness of childhood. We make music for fun and for interaction. Music should inspire little souls to think outside the box!

As your children develop a musical vocabulary, let them take you along for the ride.

Attend outdoor concerts where kids can dance and run around to the music. Many venues offer free concerts in the summer, in a variety of styles. Get Jammin’ with your kids. It’s a blast!

Let music fill your children’s hearts with joy, and in return it will do the same for you.

About The Author

Francie Kelley is a singer, songwriter, art dealer and mom. Her CD “Wake Up and Go to Sleep” is the winner of a prestigious 2003 Parent’s Choice Award and is available on Amazon.com and CDBaby.com. For more info about Francie and her music, visit http://www.franciekelley.com

Since civilization began, mothers have taken advantage of the convenience of sleeping with their babies. It has only been in the past two centuries among industrialized and Western nations that sleeping separately from your baby has become appropriate. Research shows that infants who share a bed with their mothers cry less often and nurse for longer periods of time. Co-sleeping will provide extra nourishment at night and added protection for your baby. Sleeping with the mother gives the baby a steady supply of feelings and sensations that could possibly compensate for the neurological immaturity an infant has at birth.

Co-sleeping may provide some protections from SIDS (sudden infant death syndrome). Infants who sleep with their mothers sleep less soundly and have an increased awareness of the maternal presence. Some SIDS death have been associated with arousal deficiencies in the part of the infant. The increased arousal of the infant by the presence of the mother could make a difference in the

number of SIDS deaths experienced in this country each year, although this has yet to be proven scientifically.

The habits of the parents must be considered in determining if co-sleeping is right for a particular baby. Smoking, drugs, or alcohol are the predominant factors in cases where the baby is accidentally smothered. Co-sleeping has been practiced for thousands of years until relatively recently. The benefits of co-sleeping are numerous while the disadvantages are few. Use your own judgment and take into consideration your lifestyle when deciding if co-sleeping is right for you and your baby. The changing views of the past several decades have made the practice of co-sleeping undesirable in some cultures. Our ancestors routinely slept with their babies as a means of protection and convenience. Only you can decide if co-sleeping is appropriate for your family.

Jennifer Houck is a proud attachment mom to two beautiful girls. Be sure to visit her at http://www.attachmentmoms.com and http://www.ilovebeingamom.com

Alcohol Abuse information, tips, recovery and treatment.

There are few thoughts as terrifying as the abduction of your young child by a stranger. The fear causes parents to think long and hard about their children’s safety. They tell them in a very clear voice, “Do not to talk to strangers.”

The problem is though, that a child’s view of a stranger is very different from a parent’s view. From the child’s perspective, because a stranger is someone they are supposed to be afraid of, they expect a stranger to look ugly or scary. In fact, few, if any strangers actually look like the child’s notion. Then to make matters more confusing for children, we teach then to respect and listen to their elders and be polite. Then as role models, children see us talk to people we have never met before, day in and day out.

So young children get it and will not to talk to strangers. They will very willingly avoid scary looking people. However, when confronted by a friendly, kind looking older person, they will likely respond politely, which in most cases means “speaking when spoken to” and as they are taught in school, they will follow their directions.

Helping young children not to talk to strangers or not go with them, takes much more than the simple admonishment, “Don’t talk to strangers.”

Parents who want to increase the likelihood that their child will avoid or leave from persons unknown must spend a good amount of time talking about the issue and teaching their children on an ongoing basis. These tips may help:

1. When out in the community, in a matter of fact voice, point out the various people and ask your child if s/he knows them. Use this as an opportunity to explain that a stranger is any person we do not know, regardless of what they look like.

2. Next it becomes very important to differentiate the rules for grown-ups and the rules for children. Sometimes simply phasing it as, “Are you old enough to talk to people you don’t know by yourself?” and then explain that they must have your permission to do so.

3. In the event a stranger approaches a child, they then must be equipped with strategies to manage the situation. Some parents provide a “code word.” Explain to the child if someone doesn’t know the code word, they do not

   have permission to go or talk with the person. In such situations, the child must be instructed to leave the person and immediately go to another adult they know, or older child if an adult is not available. It important to also teach the child that this is not rude. The child must understand that they have your full permission to leave the situation and to do so immediately.

Managing your child’s safety, in your absence is truly a scary thought for most parents. We do not want to put undue fear in our children, but we do want to keep them from harm. It is important to understand how our own behaviour may contradict what we want children to do when approached by people they do not know. We have to talk about the difference between what parents may do and what children may do. Only parents may touch the stove… only parents talk to strangers.

Finally, in addition to teaching who NOT to talk to, we must also teach, who they CAN talk to. If for instance, your child is lost in the store, who can they talk to? Develop a list of safe persons your child can talk to – even if they do not know them. The list may include police, fireman, teachers and even cashiers in stores. Remember keeping children safe is an ongoing discussion and not a simple one-time set of rules.

Keep talking with them to keep them safe.

Gary Direnfeld, MSW

garydi@sympatico.ca

905 628-4847

Gary Direnfeld is a social worker and expert on matters of family life. He is in private practice, writes and provides workshops and is the developer of the “I Promise Program” – teen safe driving initiative. Search his name on GOOGLE.COM to view his many articles. Feel free to call him for your next conference and for expert opinion on family matters. Courts in Ontario consider Gary an expert on child development, marital and family therapy, custody and access recommendations and social work.

Buy the book: To order Direnfeld’s book, Raising Kids Without Raising Cane, send a cheque or money order in the amount of $12.00 to: Interaction Consultants, 20 Suter Crescent, Dundas, Ontario, Canada L9H 6R5

Parents of new teen drivers are encouraged to check out this teen safe driving program: www.ipromiseprogram.com

http://www.ipromiseprogram.com/gary/direnfeld.htm

This time, I would like to talk about a subject that is appropriate for every age group out there. Even we, parents, can benefit from this, we can develop success skills together with our children.

Sometimes you see people (of all ages) that are successful at everything they do. Whatever they touch, whatever they attempt, success is theirs. Others, who are also successful, have to struggle and work much harder to achieve success, and yet others, even though they are smart and hard workers, don’t achieve success. What is it that the “always successful” people have, that the others don’t?

I often have conversations with children about their goals and objectives, and often I hear young children say to me, “I am not very smart”, or “I don’t think that I can achieve this”. How did a young child get to this opinion of themselves, so early in life? A child that has low self esteem, stands the chance of failing. SELF CONFIDENCE! a “can do” approach – that’s what we want our children to develop, so that they succeed in life.

It’s a known saying, that whatever you think about yourself – is true. If you think that you can do – your are right. If you think that you can’t – you are right! I like to say that a person is only worth what he thinks he is worth. In other words, if you think that you can achieve success in a project, you will do your best, but if you don’t think you can, you will not even attempt it, and never find out if you would be successful at it or not.

So how do we instill a “can do” mentality in our children? This starts very early in life! Believe it or not, your baby, when trying to achieve his first achievements in life: turning over, smiling, sitting up, standing up, making the first steps, saying the first words, is already getting feedback from his environment, and especially from you. Throughout our child’s growing up years, we provide feedback about who they are, and what they are worth. We can’t help it, we teach them how we feel about these issues ourselves.

Most of us celebrate our baby’s first steps, provide encouragement and support. But after the first year or two, we need to remember to go on and keep encouraging and supporting. I’d like to shed some light on this issue, by giving an example: Ruth, who was a great mother, a unique and talented person, did not get support in her home. When she was growing up, her parents provided the best education to her brother, but did not bother to send Ruth to a good school and to college, because she was a girl, and she was supposed to get married and be supported by a husband. Ruth grew up, feeling inferior.

Like all parents, she could not help passing her attitude to her kids. But hers was a “loser’s” attitude. I know that Ruth was not aware of the affect of what she was doing on her children, but she always compared her children to other kids, or other people, who always did better. For example, “Look at Michael, he is so talented and smart, always gets the best grades”. “I wish I was a good a business person as Paul, he always manages his business wisely, but we are not that smart, and always make bad decisions and choices”. In a very subtle way, almost not noticeable, she would react in a very surprised way, when her children achieved excellence in school. Edith came home one day, with a award, for being the best reader in her class. Yes, Ruth celebrated it, of course! She was very happy for Edith. But at the same time, she acted somewhat surprised! “You? How wonderful! ” and Edith, as all smart children, also heard the subtle undertones, the unsaid words “I would never expect it!”. Edith grew up with the feeling that other people are better than her, and she is inferior.

If we want our children to be successful, we have to make sure we give them a very clear message: “You can do it”. With everything we do, we must expect them to succeed. Never give your child the feeling that you doubt his ability. That you doubt that he will succeed. Listen to the way you talk to your child, and catch every sentence that could be interpreted as doubt. ASSUME success. If your child stumbled, and did not achieve the maximum success in an assignment – offer support. Don’t criticize! Your child faces enough criticism in his everyday life, from peers, teachers…you want to offer support. Make sure your child knows that you are on his side, and most important – that you believe in him.

EXPECT SUCCESS! If you expect success, your child will learn to expect success too. Many parents (and teachers) are concerned about stressing a child out. So they don’t encourage him to succeed, they accept mediocrity. I don’t suggest putting stress on a child. I suggest encouraging a

child to excel. Make clear to your child that it’s possible to excel, and that he can succeed. Don’t judge or criticize, just make it clear you know your child can succeed. If needed, assist your child and support.

COME FROM A PLACE OF POWER. This point is very hard to teach: come from a place of power, not from a place of a victim. Teach your child to take responsibility for the results. Your child can achieve success. The results depend on him. How do you teach that? Teaching a child that he is the one who determines what happens in his life, provides a feeling of control and power. Don’t do what Ruth did: “We have such a bad luck, every time we invest in the stock market – the stock market crashes”. This is a victim approach. If Ruth decided to take the risk of investing in the stock market, do her research and make her decisions, she needs to take responsibility and simply say: “I made a mistake, I need to learn from it”. Teach your child that it’s alright to make mistakes. Everybody makes mistakes. Mistakes are simply feedback for us to learn what works and what doesn’t. If your baby touched the stove and experienced the pain of burning his finger, provide comfort, and simply say “hot”. Your child will learn the lesson. If your child comes home from school disappointed, because something did not go his way, first provide support and comfort, then help him draw the conclusion: what is he going to do differently the next time?

PERSISTENCE. Teach your child persistence. Encourage your child not to give up. This is not easy, so the technique I suggest for this is story telling. Story telling has a similar affect to hypnosis on children. Find children’s books or stories about people who persisted, and achieved, despite adversity. These stories are very uplifting and motivating.

TECHNIQUES FOR SUCCESS:

1. Visualization. This is a technique that helps with motivation. It is a known fact that successful athletes visualize themselves going through their routine in a perfect way, before they actually perform in a competition. Teach your child how to visualize his success. Children have active and strong imagination, and it is easy for them to visualize. You can “talk your child through” a visualization. The best time to do this, is at the end of the day, when your child is ready to go to bed. You can plan the the next day, talk about the assignments and ask your child to tell you how it will feel to perform the assignments with great success. This way you encourage your child to visualize his success, and it will motivate and encourage him. Ask your child to describe what he needs to do to succeed in detail, this will encourage your child to plan ahead, and visualize the steps he has to go through, in order to achieve success. Get into the habit of doing that. You will help your child tremendously.

2. Affirmations. This is a technique that is used often for adults, too. It can be very helpful to your child. You can plan the affirmations and write them down. Affirmations can be very effective, and you can say them to your child. Take a few minutes each day, to sit and think what affirmations you want to use that day. Please don’t think that you cannot apply this technique to babies. Babies understand so much more than we know, you can definitely start using this technique at an early age. What is your child working on? “You are very smart, and you are getting smarter every day” is a good affirmation on any day. It has shown that affirmations are more effective if said 3 times. So you can make sure, that you say each affirmation 3 times. Say affirmations always in a positive way, in the present tense.

For example: “You are very strong and resilient”. When your child is learning to ride a bike, or play a sport, you can say to him: “You have a great coordination, and your coordination is getting better every day”. A very well know affirmation is “Every day, in every way, you are getting better, better and better”. Whatever your child is engaged with at the time, you can put together an affirmation that is appropriate, and say it to your child. If you can get the child to say it to himself, or to repeat it, that is even better. Affirmations are a great tool to increase self esteem.

For the last 26 years, Esther Andrews has studied, researched and practiced the ways to develop a child’s intelligence. She also served as the principal of the School for Gifted Education. As a result of this experience, she developed her own method and philosophy, that proved to be extremely successful with her own 2 highly gifted children. In her web site, http://www.all-gifed-children.com, she helps parents develop their child’s genius, and provide for their kids the opportunity to achieve their maximum potential.

If you’ve got kids who are getting close to the age where they’ll need to apply to college, you should start figuring out a plan for getting them into the place they’ll want to go. Ideally, you should start this before they even get into high school – you can wait if your kids want to go to less competitive schools, but if you’re shooting for places that are harder to get into (or even for the less competitive ones if your child has been getting poor grades) you’ll need to plan ahead.

First, around the beginning of high school, you need to help find your teen something to do as far as an extracurricular activity. Colleges want students who have in depth commitments to a couple of activities that they really like doing. These days, it’s not as good to be a member of fifteen different clubs – you’ll want to pick one or two and focus on them. Which ones will depend on how you child is planning to get in. If he or she is a sports star, you’ll want at least one academic activity such as drama

or debate that balances out their application – preferably one that doesn’t take up too much time. If they’re an academic all star, it’s often best to stick with that anyway – you’re not going to get a sports scholarship unless you’re both good and dedicated, but you could look at volunteer work as a way of making the application look better. Keep on your kids about their grades – this is not the time to let them slack. Find out what they will need on average to get into the schools they like, and push them to keep their grades above that level. Plan on studying for the SAT at least six months beforehand – it can be a make or break, even for the athletes. Finally, get on top of the applications period – many times, your kids won’t. So you’ll need to make sure they’re doing their essays and filling them out.

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“Money is tight, and my husband’s obsessed with doing everything he can to make more of it. It’s gotten so bad that he’s lost interest in our daughter. He hardly spends any time with her anymore. What can I do?”

Sounds familiar? I’ve heard countless stories similar to the above. Husbands ignoring family because of work. Are males wired to provide for the family so much so that they forget to enjoy raising their own children? Just strolling down the park with their wife and kids? For those women in such situations, I thought I’d share the following tips with you.

Tip 1

Be willing to communicate your feelings to your husband. Tell him EXACTLY how you feel. Communication is the key in a relationship. Make sure he is aware of how you feel about this because he can’t read your mind and if you didn’t tell him he don’t know.

Tip 2

Present the problem to your husband not as one of blame (“You never spend any time with her and it’s ruining her life”), but as one of lost opportunity (“Honey, I feel so bad that you are missing all the fun times with X. Why don’t we try finding something that you like to do, so you can

have some fun together.”) This way he knows you are concerned, and he gets to have some control.

Tip 3

Men are in general more career-oriented than women. It is hard for women to really understand the drive men have to provide for their families. Cut him some slack.

Tip 4

Try changing the way you see things. If money is tight and it is his responsibility to provide it then that is what he is doing. You may have to carry the load with your child until things are under control. Be thankful you have a husband that has enough integrity to fulfill his obligations as a father.

Tip 5

One suggestion (for moms who do not work) is a job two to three evenings a week. It will bring in some extra income to allow your husband to spend some great quality time with your children.

I hope the above tips will help you somewhat in this problem of your husband working too hard. Oh, by the way, I’m a man … so I can vouch that the above tips work!

About The Author

Need Some Advice on Parenting and Baby Care? Gary Hendricks has compiled the best articles on parenting, baby care and baby products => http://www.baby-product-guide.com

gary_hendricks@baby-product-guide.com

John was a 43 year-old sales manager at a large company. He’s married and has 3 children, ages 7, 9, and 12. His wife works part-time as a nursing assistant, and they both do as much as they can to parent their children well.

John has developed serious doubts about his ability to be an effective parent in the last couple of years. All of his kids are involved in after school activities, and his demands at work are greater than they’ve ever been. His lack of time with his kids bothers him a great deal, but he doesn’t dare take more time off from work. He’s also bothered by his inability to get his kids to listen to him, and he’s resorted to yelling and threats as measures of discipline.

John’s family seems rushed all the time, and the routines in the morning and at bedtime are almost always chaotic. He often doesn’t have the energy when he gets home from work to spend quality time with his kids, and he feels his relationships with them are growing more distant. In particular, he’s struggling with his twelve-year-old daughter’s behavior. John feels he has little in common with her at this stage in their lives.

Welcome to the life of an American parent in the 21st century.

There are many reasons that parenting today is more difficult than in years past. Here are a few of them:

• The typical, middle income married couple family works 3,885 hours – that’s an increase of 247 hours, or nearly six weeks, more than their counterparts ten years ago.

• Working couples lost an average of 22 hours a week of family and personal time between 1969 and 1999.

• In the last three decades, American families are eating 33% fewer meals together as a family.

• In 1990, the American advertisers spent 100 million dollars advertising to children. In 2000, they spent 2 billion dollars in their advertising to children.

Alvin Toffler

once said, “Parenthood remains the greatest single preserve of the amateur.” For too long, parents have taken on the most important job they’ll ever have with little or no training. Parents can’t afford to be amateurs anymore. They must arm themselves with the knowledge, support, and discipline needed to parent their kids effectively. They must take responsibility for the impact their parenting will have on their children. And they must recognize that in today’s culture, their kids need them to be there more than ever.

In John’s case, hiring a coach helped him to:

• Simplify the life of his family, so they could spend more time together.

• Learn positive discipline skills, so the daily routines went more smoothly and there were fewer conflicts.

• Develop a plan to put in place when he got angry, so he wouldn’t do or say something he’d regret later.

• Learn stress reduction skills, both at work and at home, and to learn how to “transition” between work and home.

• Learn how to be less judgmental with his daughter, and to find specific ways to be more connected with her.

Though parenthood can be extremely difficult and challenging at times, it can also be incredibly fulfilling and enjoyable. Most of us would never think of starting a new career without the information and training necessary to be effective. Do we think our job as a parent is less important? Effective parenting skills can be learned by anyone who cares enough to commit to them, and by anyone who knows the importance of good parenting to the future of their kids.

It’s time for parents to consider ways they can improve. It may be the best investment they’ll ever make.

Mark Brandenburg MA, CPCC, coaches busy parents byphone to balance their life and improve their familyrelationships. For a FREE twenty minute sample sessionby phone; ebooks, courses, articles, and a FREEnewsletter, go to http://www.markbrandenburg.com oremail him at mark@markbrandenburg.com.

In my many years of involvement in sports, very often I noticed what I call ‘mixed feelings’ from parents. You know, the ‘good news – bad news’ feelings.

Good news! Your boy made the cut for the elite soccer team.Bad news! He’s going to play against teams from out of town and it will cost you a lot of money.

Or this one that just happened to me a few days ago:

Good news! Your daughter just classified herself for the Nationals in gymnastic.Bad news! You live in Montreal and the Nationals are in Vancouver. It is going to cost you $2000 to send her there.Bad news again! The Nationals are in 3 weeks ;-(

Like I said, I witnessed a lot of these events during the years. That made me create, 5 years ago, my own foundation to financially help young gymnasts (boys and girls) and there parents to participate in important events. No parents want to announce to their child that they won’t be participating in a big event because of the lack of funds. But unfortunately, it happens. Can you prepare yourself to prevent that? Of course you can

First, if there is even a slim chance that you’re child might participate in a big event, you should start right now to put money on the side. You are better off putting money on the side for nothing than having to find money at the last minute. Even if it is only $20 per week, at the end of the year, you will have $1000. You can also ask for money instead of gifts for birthday and Christmas. Some parents think that it might bring bad luck or it might look presumptuous to do so. Well, I am not at all superstitious and I don’t believe in bad luck (or good luck for that matters) so I won’t be very helpful in that case but one

thing I’m sure; being preventive is not being presumptuous. And if your kid doesn’t make it, well, the good news will be that you will have this extra money

I don’t believe in bad luck but I do believe in pressure on young athletes. Kids react differently to pressure. As a parent, you are the best person to evaluate the situation. For some kids, it might take some pressure off their shoulders knowing that a good performance won’t put you in financial problems. For other kids, it might give them more pressure knowing that you are expecting them to win. It’s your call.

Organizations can also help their athletes. I know that most of the organizations are non-profit and survive due to the help of volunteers but they usually have a little more cash flow than the average parents. Well some do, anyway One easy way to help is giving a no-interest loan. In other words, the organization pays for the athlete and collect the parents later. That will give time to the parents. The risk is minimum for the organization mostly if the athlete has been a member for a long time. Of course, you need to feel comfortable with this and trust the parents that they will pay you. And this action should be approved by the board of direction because you are using your members money.

Doing special fundraising activities is another solution. Car wash, wine tasting, garage sales, golf tournament are all good fundraisers and are pretty easy to organize.

There might be also some charity organizations in your community that can help. Look around. One thing is sure: the best your kid gets in his sport, the more money it will cost you. And if you don’t want to be a show stopper to your child dream, it is a good idea to be prepared.

Mario Campeau

Sports & Kids

http://sportskids.blogspot.com