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Once upon a time, I thought I had it all. I had a child, a career, the world at my feet. Or, so I thought.

With the birth of my second son, my whole world changed. I moved into a new home, got a new car, made new friends. The biggest change, though, was internal. Suddenly, my head started listening to my heart a little more. My career and moving up in the corporate world suddenly became something I HAD to do, because I needed to pay the bills. Suddenly, I wanted what other people had. I wanted to stay home with my kids and take care of my family.

Wait a minute, who was this straight from 1950 woman taking over my brain? Was it post-partum insanity or had someone mysteriously slipped me some sort of anti-feminist drug? I was raised to believe that I was EQUAL to every man, in fact, maybe even a little better. I believed that I should not take care of a man, in fact; maybe he should be taking care of me. How dare anyone ask me to put my career on hold to raise children? I believed that my career should be paramount in my life, that I could and should HAVE IT ALL. I was certain that I could have my cake and eat it with a golden fork. And for six years, I thought I did.

I gave birth to my first son at the ripe old age of 22. He was the most beautiful thing I had ever had the privilege to lay my eyes on, but the actual birth experience was the most horrific thing I’d ever experienced. After 23 hours of induced labor, this boy came screaming into the world via a Cesarean section WITHOUT anesthesia. That’s right, surgery without anesthesia. Somehow the anesthesiologist had messed up, and the epidural had been pulled out of my back sometime before surgery. Talk about pain. Oh, and let me tell you, when they say you forget that pain, they LIE! I still remember every excruciating moment, almost 8 years later.

This traumatic experience produced the first genuine love in my life, my lovely Cameron. He has been a true joy and a real challenge since the day he was born. I often tell people about the first night he was home. Unbeknownst to me at the time, he had a pretty severe case of colic. I thought something was seriously wrong, because all he’d done since birth was scream, nurse, and sleep in 20 minute increments. I hadn’t slept for literally a week. While my husband snored peacefully in the next room, I held this beautiful, screaming thing in front of me, staring at his pinched face, watching as his little legs kicked at the air. I cried with him, I screamed with him, and God help me, I knew at that moment why parents shook their babies. Thank the same God for all of those commercials about shaken baby syndrome, because in that moment of insanity, I believe it’s the only thing that saved my son. I truly believed at that moment that if I just shook him a little, it might quiet the inconsolable screams.

Instead, I put my son down in his bassinet and walked out onto our balcony, taking deep breaths and trying to convince myself that I deserved a child, that I was not the worst mother in the world, that God did not make a mistake giving me this gift.

Cameron and I made it through that first night. Later that year, we made it through the separation and divorce from his father. Then we made it through several years of single motherhood with no child support and no daddy visiting. It was a difficult and painful time, but it gave me the kind of strength that nothing else could. Being a stay at home mom was clearly never an option at that time, since I was the sole support for our little family of two.

When my ex-husband dropped out of Cameron’s life before he was 2, I just stopped talking about him for a long time. Then, one day, my baby looked into my face and asked me where his daddy was. He said that everyone at his pre-school had daddies, and he wanted to know why he didn’t. I hoped this moment would never come. I didn’t really know what to say to a three year old to explain why he didn’t have a daddy, so I just explained that there were different kinds of families. Some, I told him, might have just a mommy, but others might have just a daddy or some grandparents. He somewhat accepted this idea, so I spoke to his pre-school to make sure that they were discussing these different types of families.

Later, Cameron and I went to counseling as the questions continued and my answers just didn’t satisfy him any more. This was when things became especially difficult, because the counselor told me that I needed to tell Cameron “THE TRUTH” of what had happened, or at least as much as the then 4 year old child could understand. I should tell him that his father and I were once very much in love and married, and that we had Cameron out of that love. I was to then say that his father had some personal problems and needed to be away from the family and that even though he had every right to come and visit his son, he CHOSE not to do that.

This, of course, was completely different from everything I had ever said about his father. I never said anything negative or even remotely identifying about his father. So, for awhile, I resisted telling him “THE TRUTH”. I thought that it would hurt him more than help.

Finally, Cameron began making up stories about his “dad”, saying he’d go visit on the weekends or that he might go stay there for the summer. The pre-school, knowing our situation, brought this to my attention. I figured it was normal for kids in our situation to do this, but I knew it was time to tell him what really happened. Our counselor encouraged me, saying that telling him would help him to understand that he and I were not at fault and that I would always be there for him.

So, one night, as we lay nose to nose in my bed, I told Cameron about his father, just as the counselor had instructed me. He asked why his dad didn’t want to see him and I had to tell him that I didn’t know, but that he was missing out on the best kid in the world. He asked if it was his fault and I told him that of course it was not, that his dad had problems and didn’t know what a wonderful boy he was missing.

Then we cried together. I held my baby and wiped away his tears as he wept for the father he couldn’t even remember.

And, we made it through that night, stronger than ever.

A few months later, I met Bill, who would later become my husband. He and Cameron took to each other immediately, and one

day, Cameron asked Bill to be his Dad. Bill happily accepted, and they’ve been father and son ever since.

A couple of years ago, I learned that Cameron would soon have a new baby brother. Since we only had a two bedroom home at the time, we bought a new, bigger home to accommodate our new, bigger family. Our new neighborhood welcomed us with open arms. There were plenty of kids to play with and plenty of parents for Bill and me to socialize with.

I met my friend Lori a couple of months before our baby was born. Lori was a stay at home mom who lived across the street. We became fast friends, and when I went on maternity leave about three weeks before the baby was born, she was over almost daily. It was like we’d known each other forever.

Even though I liked Lori right off the bat, as I listened to her talk about being a stay at home mom, I thought her viewpoint was a little off. I even felt a little sorry for her, having such “outdated” ideas and all. Still, I believe that it’s important to respect other peoples’ opinions and choices, so I tried to understand.

Since my mom was raised during women’s lib, I was taught that women worked, just like men. Men and women were not to be put in “stereotypical” roles. Therefore, whenever I felt that someone was trying to put me in such a role, I would be offended.

When our second son, the beautiful Noah, was born, everything changed. Noah was different than his brother. First, he had trouble learning to nurse. Cameron had latched on immediately. Noah took almost a week to get it. It felt like months, and I spent several hours crying on the phone with La Leche League counselors. When he finally got it, though, he became quite dedicated to it. Noah’s little personality was quite the opposite of Cameron’s too. He was very laid back and only complained if he was wet, hungry, or tired. Now, this may sound normal to most people, but after having Cameron, the baby who could rarely be comforted, being able to “fix” the crying by changing, feeding, or rocking him to sleep was quite a luxury.

During my maternity leave, I found a website, flylady.net, which, along with my friend Lori, changed my perception of being a stay at home mom. Then, I read “Woman Power” by Dr. Laura Schlesinger. This book, although it has a misleading title, discusses the true power of women in families and relationships. It discusses the traditional roles of husbands and wives and why they might not be so bad. This was quite an eye-opener for me, and I highly recommend it to anyone in a relationship.

Suddenly, I realized that “staying home” with your kids and taking care of your family and home was NOT “not working”. It was “working at home”. Working for your family. What a light bulb moment! Taking care of one’s home was, in fact, blessing one’s family. It was a special and wonderful thing I could do for them. So, as soon as I was physically able, I started taking care of my home and family the way I thought they deserved. The change in attitudes was almost immediate. For the rest of my maternity leave, dinner was on the table each night at 6, the house was in order, and the laundry was done. The kids and my husband received loving care and attention daily. It was wonderful.

I dreaded returning to work, but I didn’t have a choice at that time. Bill had a decent job, but we couldn’t afford to live on just his salary. The first couple of weeks I was back, I tried to keep up the house and put dinner in the crock pot almost every night so that we could still eat at a decent hour. I was up late into each night cleaning and preparing for the next day, not to mention that my darling baby son wasn’t quite sleeping through the night yet.

Eventually, my habits slipped back into my usual work mode—eating out several nights a week, cleaning only on weekends, rushing around trying to “have it all”, the usual. Bill and I discussed my becoming a stay at home mom, and agreed that although we both wanted it, we couldn’t afford it yet.

A few months later, Bill got a new job making literally twice as much as he’d made before. What a blessing! Life got a little easier as our financial state was much more comfortable. Still, I did not feel that I could quit my job. I felt tied to it and feared what could happen if I took the chance and left.

I worked 40 hours a week in the office, and many nights and weekends I brought work home with me. I felt like my work was taking over my life, and as any working mother knows, sometimes it feels like you almost have to do twice as much work as other people to prove that you are worth keeping around. I got a promotion and was promised more if I could keep up. I missed my kids, but having a strong work ethic, I kept up as well as I could. Every day, I secretly prayed that we would find a way to bring me home. Bill and I kept trying to figure out a way and kept finding reasons that I needed to keep working.

One day, I was called into the office and fired. I still don’t know exactly why, but I know this much: EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON! I believe that God knew that I would never take that leap of faith and leave my job, unless I was forced to do so.

Since I was fired, Bill and I decided that it was time for me to try staying home. So, I’m home. And, may I say, LOVING IT!! Once again, my family has a comfortable home, clean laundry, good home-cooked meals every night, and my children are being raised by none other than their very own mother!

Sure, finances are a little tighter than they were, but considering that we are no longer paying for daycare or after school care, gas and lunches and work clothes for me, it’s not quite as tight as you might think. We are doing just fine. I only wish that I’d had the courage to take the chance earlier.

It is amazing how one’s experiences can change her very core beliefs and values. My personal experiences changed me from a driven, career minded, woman who tried to have it all, to a driven, stay at home mom and writer who has all she wants or needs. I have my loving, well taken care of family and home, time to write, and great friends. What more could a woman ask for?

Angela Atkinson lives in St. Louis, Missouri and has two beautiful sons. She has been writing for 25 years and recently became a stay at home mom, which allows her full time access to both of her passions, her family and her writing. She can be reached at angieeigna@charter.net.

Where did we get the crazy idea that parents have to agree on each and every facet of parenting?

Just stop and think about it a moment. Two people from different homes and backgrounds, are now supposed to come together and agree on every involved in something as complicated and complex as parenting.

I just don’t buy it.

In my experience working with families for over 25 years now, parents do not have to think alike on everything. They do, however, have to do what I call think together.

It’s fairly easy to spot when parents are caught up in thinking apart.

Signs of thinking apart

• Each parent believes that he or she has the right way to handle the children, and the spouse is just another child in the mix.
• The

  parents openly disagree in front of the kids.

• Each parent actively undermines the other.
• One parent and a child regularly keep secrets from the other parent.
• The teen is clearly in charge at home.

Results of thinking apart

• A wedge is driven between the parents, creating resentment and animosity.
• The kids know which parent to ask to get a yes to a question.
• The kids know how to play the parents against each other.
• The kids become more and more manipulative.
• The kids develop a strong “I-want-what-I_want-when-I-want-it” syndrome.

Visit ParentingYourTeenager.com for tips and tools for thriving during the teen years. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 5 day e-program on The Top 5 Things to Never Say to Your Teenager, from parenting coach and expert Jeff Herring .

“Plop. Plop. Fizz. Fizz. Oh, what a relief it is.”

—Old Potty Training Song

Many moms are not experiencing relief when their stubborn child resists potty training all together. With the laundry piling up and the cost of pull-ups eating away at the weekly budget, it’s no wonder many parents feel like they’re ready to flush those unsuccessful potty training techniques down the toilet! I receive at least one email a week from a mom in the parenting “deep end” asking for suggestions in this area.

Child-Tested Potty Training Tips for Stubborn Children

Here are my top seven tips for potty training stubborn children:

1. Know that Your Child WILL be Potty Trained – Potty training is one of the most important skills preschoolers will learn. They do learn it—it’s just that some children are slower than others. Everyone eventually learns how to go to the bathroom on their own. Have faith! It’s just a matter of time.

2. Stay Away from Cute, External Rewards – The more you make potty training into a game, the more your child will see it as a game. Chances are they might turn into a competitive battle where you lose. Cute ideas (like sticker charts for when children “go”, floating Cheerios into the bowl and having boys aim for it, putting food coloring into the bowl and having your child get excited about watching the color change) only confuses the issue—especially when the gimmicks lose their appeal. The rewards of potty training should be internal: your child should feel good about herself for learning something new. By all means, encourage you child when he remembers with a simple, “Great job!”. This is all that is needed for success.

3. Stick with Your Decision to Forgo Diapers and Pull-ups – My belief is that pull-ups that soak up the uncomfortable wet feeling actually prolong potty training. One of the children in my life became so comfortable with pull-ups that he was wearing them well into the school years for night accidents. Accidents (many of them) will happen. When kids aren’t given the opportunity to continually experience the natural discomfort that comes from wet clothes, they have no reason to learn to make potty training a priority. Consider putting a protective waterproof sheet around their mattress, but stay away from soaker pads and pull-ups once you have made the shift (and the sooner, the better).

4. Make Potty Training Comfortable – A big person toilet for a small bum can be a scary thing. Use training potties, potty

seats, or have your child face the toilet when sitting on the throne so they can sit comfortably.

5. Let Go of Constant Reminders and Prodding – The more you make it a big deal, the more your child will fight you. If you are taking all the responsibility for your child to remember to go, there will be no incentive or reason for them to remember. When it comes to potty training, the best reminder comes from your child’s own bladder—not you! And when your child forgets or doesn’t listen to their bladder, the pee running down their leg is their next reminder.

6. Have Your Child Help Clean Up When Accidents Happen – Accidents happen and are a part of the natural process of potty training. Don’t make a big deal out of accidents. Instead deal with the accident by happily cleaning it up together. Have your child help you find dry clothes and deal with washing up.

7. Give Your Child More Responsibilities Around the House – The more confidence your child feels, the more they will embrace learning any new skill (including potty training). Look for tasks that your preschooler can be responsible for and thank her for what she does. Involving your child in the upkeep of your home is one of the best things you can do for him (see chapter eight of my book When You’re About To Go Off The Deep End, Don’t Take Your Kids With You to learn more about how chores can boost your child’s self-esteem).

Potty training is one of the many skills your child needs to perfect. When you support your child in listening to the natural cues of their own body, you will empower him or her with life-long skills. And if you choose to use the above seven potty training tips for a stubborn child, you’ll find that potty training becomes a process—rather than a power struggle—with a happy ending.

Kelly Nault, MA author of When You’re About To Go Off The Deep End, Don’t Take Your Kids With You inspires moms to put themselves first—for the sake of their children. She shares time-tested tools that motivate children to want to be well behaved, responsible and happy! Sign up for herfree online parenting course here. You are free to print or publish this article provided the article and bio remain as written and include a link to http://www.mommymoments.com as above.

© 2005 UltimateParent.com. All rights reserved

I found it very interesting researching the top 100 baby names for this article, because although my husband and I thought we were going for unique baby names during my pregancy, both our daughters’ names are on the list! I guess we are not as innovative as we thought we were.

Every year, the US Social Security Administration compiles a list of the most popular baby names. You can search their online database for the popularity of a certain name, and you can also see how the popularity of a name has changed over time. (http://www.ssa.gov/) It’s a very interesting way to waste an hour instead of working (lol).

It is fun to note that the letter “E” is quite popular. Common “E” names in the top 10 of the top 100 baby names are: Emily, Emma, Ethan and Elizabeth. It seems that slightly old-fashioned, or traditional, names are making a comeback as well, with names like William, Joseph, and Christopher for boys, and Elizabeth, Abigail, Hannah and Grace for girls.

However, “new age” or modern names are also in the 100 top baby names with babies’ names such as: Tyler, Brandon, Logan, Austin, Hunter and Cody (for boys) and Briana, Kayla, Chloe, Hailey, Jasmine, Destiny and Makayla (for girls).

Jacob and Emily

are the number one most popular names for a few years in a row.

It’s always important to imagine what your baby’s initials or nickname will be. My mother’s friend was shocked when she was pregnant because her last name was Cole, and she wanted to name her baby Nathan Kingsley, but everyone said that he would be nicknamed Nat King Cole!

I also recommend imagining what your baby’s email address will be. My initials are sdi and my email is sdingram@. You need to be aware that your baby’s email could be dumb@ or fat@; just something to keep in mind.

Whether you are looking into babies names because you want to go with the pack and make sure your baby’s name is common and amongst the more popular, or you are the opposite and you want to make sure your baby’s name is innovative and original, be sure to check out the top 100 baby names so that you can ensure the name you want is there (or not!).

Suzanne Doyle-Ingram is the mother of two daughters, Hana and Alexa, and married to her best friend James, who is a stay-at-home dad and educational game developer (and he makes a mean grilled chicken!). Visit her website at http://www.pregnancy-leads-to-new-babies.com/work-from-home-mom.html

To have children is a double living, the earthly fountain of youth, a continual fresh delight, and also a source of weariness beyond description. -Josephine W. Johnson

Somewhere between wakefulness and sleep I became aware of my dry scratchy throat. My head felt as if it had shrunk, like my brain was too big for my skull. The tightness and the throbbing in my head was accompanied by a heavy feeling in my arms and legs. If my life depended on my moving anywhere fast, I knew I was doomed. Rising to the top of full consciousness now, I knew I was sick. Boy was I sick! The aching, throbbing and pain in my body was not just a bizarre dream. The flu had hit me full force.

At the same time my fully awake and 100% well toddlers were ready for the day to begin. “Get up Mommy. Let’s have breakfast. What are we going to have for breakfast? Are we going to go to the library today? Maybe we should go play in the park? Can we stop and see Nana and have a tea part?”

Ugh! This was the first time I became acutely aware of the fact that mothers don’t get sick days! There is no one to call to say “I am not well enough to do my job today. Someone will have to fill in and handle my responsibilities.” What happened to the good old days. Not the days when as a working woman I could call in sick. Those weren’t the good old days. The time that being sick was anything close to being “good” was when I was the child.

Somehow my mother always knew when I was sick. Before I could open my eyes in the morning, there she stood with thermometer in hand. Kissing my forehead, she knew if I was feverish even before she read the mercury. Then she would tell me I needed to stay in bed and return to sleep. A few hours later she would return to my bedroom carrying a tray. I was going to be treated to breakfast in bed. “Do you think you can eat an egg-in-a-cup? How about a little dry toast and some ginger ale?” The only time we ever got to drink soda was when we were sick. The only kind of soda we were ever allowed was ginger ale. No matter how sick I felt, I knew that I would feel better in a few days. Then these healing potions would taste like treats.

Sometime later that same day, or perhaps the next Mom would deem me well enough to move out of my bed and into the temporary clinic of the couch! I wouldn’t be allowed to watch television though. I could move closer to the center of the family’s activities so I wouldn’t feel so isolated. But my activities were restricted. Healing was what I was supposed to be doing. Keeping still and keeping quiet would expedite this process according to my mother who was in charge.

Usually at the beginning of my illness being still and quiet wasn’t a challenge. I didn’t feel well enough to go anywhere or do anything. But as I began to feel better it felt almost impossible to just lie

there! Instead of feeling like I was getting better I felt as though I was being tortured!

This is when my father would step up and do his part. The hero, saving both my mother and me from the hard work of recovery. He would arrive home with treats to help occupy my time. Sometimes he had coloring books. Sometimes he had a brand new box of crayons to accompany the coloring book! The best treat of all was when he came home with brand new paper dolls. Then I feared I would not be sick long enough to get all of the clothes cut out and still have time to play with my new doll.

“How about some jello?” my mother would ask. I always said yes. But this was back in the old days when eating jello meant having to boil the water, dissolve the powder, add ice cubes and await the jello to congeal. Waiting for the jello to be ready to eat felt just the same as waiting for my body to be fully well — too long!

“But I feel well enough to go to school, to play outside, to watch TV,” days later I would tell my mother. She believed me. She had taken my temperature by both methods – kissing the fore head and using the thermometer. My body was registering “normal.” She would tell me my color looked good, my eyes were clear and sparkling. And yet she insisted I spend one more day in bed. “This is to give your body the extra boost and rest it may need so you don’t relapse,” she would tell me. No matter how much I pleaded, attempted to bargain or demonstrate my health, she was in charge! One more day of rest was the rule.

Now, as the Mom, I wondered where the jello was? Where were the paper dolls? Imagine having a day that could be spent in bed, where I felt good and only had to concentrate on being sure my body was well rested and well!

“What’s wrong Mommy? Don’t you feel good?” These two little boys were not to be denied. I might be sick but they weren’t. Today may not be the most fun day we’ve spent together. Perhaps we won’t go to the park or the library or to my mother-in-law’s house for a tea party. I would spend the day mostly on the couch with my cup of tea, over-the-counter remedies at the ready. Perhaps mothers don’t get a sick day. But spending time with my two wonderful sons is a magical and different kind of healing medicine.

To have children is a double living. Their youth and fresh delight heal the weariness I feel from the flu.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Nancy S. Buck, Ph.D. established Peaceful Parenting, Inc. in 2000 to bring her knowledge and experience with effective parenting to the greatest number of parents and other caretakers of children. She developed the Peaceful Parenting® program from her 25 years of experience as a developmental psychologist, trainer and educator with The William Glasser Institute and as the mother of twin sons. Her genuine, warm and authentic teaching style is clear and concise, helping learners move from the theoretical to real life situations.

http://www.peacefulparenting.com

Improve your family – Improve your world

A growing body of scientific evidence shows that the way babies are cared for by their mothers will determine not only their emotional development, but the biological development of the child’s brain and central nervous system as well. The nature of love, and how the capacity to love develops, has become the subject of scientific study over the last decade. New data is emerging from a multitude of disciplines including neurology, psychology, biology, ethology, anthropology and neurocardiology. Something scientific disciplines find in common when putting love under the microscope is that in addition to shaping the brains of infants, mother’s love acts as a template for love itself and has far reaching effects on her child’s ability to love throughout life.

To mothers holding their newborn babies it will come as little surprise that the ‘decade of the brain’ has lead science to the wisdom of the mother’s heart.

According to Alan Schore, assistant clinical professor in the department of psychiatry and biobehavioral sciences at UCLA School of Medicine, a major conclusion of the last decade of developmental neuroscience research is that the infant brain is designed to be molded by the environment it encounters.1 In other words, babies are born with a certain set of genetics, but they must be activated by early experience and interaction. Schore believes the most crucial component of these earliest interactions is the primary caregiver – the mother. “The child’s first relationship, the one with the mother, acts as a template, as it permanently molds the individual’s capacities to enter into all later emotional relationships.” Others agree. The first months of an infant’s life constitute what is known as a critical period – a time when events are imprinted in the nervous system.

“Hugs and kisses during these critical periods make those neurons grow and connect properly with other neurons.” Says Dr. Arthur Janov, in his book Biology of Love. “You can kiss that brain into maturity.”

Hormones, The Language of Love

In his beautiful book, The Scientification of Love, French obstetrician Michel Odent explains how Oxytocin, a hormone released by the pituitary gland stimulates the release of chemical messengers in the heart. Oxytocin, which is essential during birth, stimulating contractions, and during lactation, stimulating the ‘milk ejection reflex’, is also involved in other ‘loving behaviors’. “It is noticeable that whatever the facet of love we consider, oxytocin is involved.’ Says Odent. “During intercourse both partners – female and male – release oxytocin.” One study even shows that the simple act of sharing a meal with other people increases our levels of this ‘love hormone’.2

The altruistic oxytocin is part of a complex hormonal balance. A sudden release of Oxytocin creates an urge toward loving which can be directed in different ways depending on the presence of other hormones, which is why there are different types of love. For example, with a high level of prolactin, a well-known mothering hormone, the urge to love is directed toward babies.

While Oxytocin is an altruistic hormone and prolactin a mothering hormone, endorphins represent our ‘reward system’. “Each time we mammals do something that benefits the survival of the species, we are rewarded by the secretion of these morphine-like substances.” Says Odent.

During birth there is also an increase in the level of endorphins in the fetus so that in the moments following birth both mother and baby are under the effects of opiates. The role of these hormones is to encourage dependency, which ensures a strong attachment between mother and infant. In situations of failed affectional bonding between mother and baby there will be a deficiency of the appropriate hormones, which could leave a child susceptible to substance abuse in later life as the system continually attempts to right itself.3 You can say no to drugs, but not to neurobiology. Human brains have evolved from earlier mammals. The first portion of our brain that evolved on top of its reptilian heritage is the limbic system, the seat of emotion. It is this portion of the brain that permits mothers and their babies to bond. Mothers and babies are hardwired for the experience of togetherness. The habits of breastfeeding, co-sleeping, and babywearing practiced by the majority of! mothers in non-industrialized cultures, and more and more in our own, facilitate two of the main components needed for optimal mother/child bonding: proximity and touch.

PROXIMITY, Between Mammals, the Nature of Love is Heart to Heart

In many ways it’s obvious why a helpless newborn would require continuous close proximity to a caregiver; they’re helpless and unable to provide for themselves. But science is unveiling other less obvious benefits of holding baby close. Mother/child bonding isn’t just for brains, but is also an affair of the heart. In his 1992 work, Evolution’s End, Joseph Chilton Pearce describes the dual role of the heart cell, saying that it not only contracts and expands rhythmically to pump blood, it communicates with its fellow cells. “If you isolate a cell from the heart, keep it alive and examine it through a microscope, you will see it lose it’s synchronous rhythm and begin to fibrillate until it dies. If you put another isolated heart cell on that microscopic slide it will also fibrillate . If you move the two cells within a certain proximity, however , they synchronize and beat in unison.” Perhaps this is why most mothers instinctively place their babies to their left breast, keep! ing those hearts in proximity. The heart produces the hormone, ANF that dramatically affects every major system of the body. “All evidence indicates that the mother’s developed heart stimulates the newborn heart, thereby activating a dialogue between the infant’s brain-mind and heart.” says Pearce who believes this heart to heart communication activates intelligences in the mother also. “On holding her infant in the left-breast position with its corresponding heart contact, a major block of dormant intelligences is activated in the mother, causing precise shifts of brain function and permanent behavior changes.” In this beautiful dynamic the infant’s system is activated by being held closely; and this proximity also stimulates a new intelligence in the mother, which helps her to respond to and nurture her infant. Pretty nifty plan – and another good reason to aim for a natural birth. If nature is handing out intelligence to help us in our role as mothers we want to be awake ! and alert!

TOUCH

“The easiest and quickest way to induce depression and alienation in an infant or child is not to touch it, hold it, or carry it on your body.” – James W. Prescott, PhD

Research in neuroscience has shown that touch is necessary for human development and that a lack of touch damages not only individuals, but our whole society. Human touch and love is essential to health. A lack of stimulus and touch very early on causes the stress hormone, cortisol to be released which creates a toxic brain environment and can damage certain brain structures. According to James W. Prescott, PhD, of the Institute of Humanistic Science, and former research scientist at the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development, sensory deprivation results in behavioral abnormalities such as depression, impulse dyscontrol, violence, substance abuse, and in impaired immunological functioning in mother deprived infants.4 For over a million years babies have enjoyed almost constant in-arms contact with their mothers or other caregivers, usually members of an extended family, receiving constant touch for the first year or so of life. “In nature’s nativity scene, ! mother’s arms have always been baby’s bed, breakfast, transportation, even entertainment, and, for most of the world’s babies, they still are.” says developmental psychologist, Sharon Heller in, The Vital Touch: How Intimate Contact With Your Baby Leads to Happier, Healthier Development.5

To babies,touch = love and fully loved babies develop healthy brains. During the critical period of development following birth the infant brain is undergoing a massive growth of neural connections. Synaptic connections in the cortex continue to proliferate for about two years, when they peak. During this period one of the most crucial things to survival and healthy development is touch. All mammal mothers seem to know this instinctively, and, if allowed to bond successfully with their babies they will provide continuous loving touch.

Touch deprivation in infant monkeys is so traumatic their whole system goes haywire, with an increase of stress hormones, increased heart rate, compromised immune system and sleep disturbances.6

With only 25% of our adult brain size, we are the least mature at birth of any mammal. Anthropologist, Ashley Montagu concluded that given our upright position and large brains, human infants are born prematurely while our heads can still fit through the birth canal, and that brain development must therefore extend into postnatal life. He believed the human gestation period to actually be eighteen months long – nine in the womb and another nine outside it, and that touch is absolutely vital to this time of “exterogestation.”7

Newborns are born expecting to be held, handled, cuddled, rubbed, kissed, and maybe even licked! All mammals lick their newborns vigorously, off and on, during the first hours and days after birth in order to activate their sensory nerve endings, which are involved in motor movements, spatial, and visual orientation. These nerve endings cannot be activated until after birth due to the insulation of the watery womb environment and the coating of vernix casseus on the baby’s skin.

Recall Dr. Janov’s claim that you can kiss a brain into maturity. Janov believes that very early touch is central to developing a healthy brain. “Irrespective of the neurojuices involved, it is clear that lack of love changes the chemicals in the brain and can eventually change the structure of that brain.”

BREASTFEEDING: Liquid Love

Breastfeeding neatly brings together

nourishment for baby with the need for closeness shared by mother and child; and is another crucial way that mother’s love helps shape baby’s brain. Research shows that breastmilk is the perfect “brain food”, essential for normal brain development, particularly, those brain processes associated with depression, violence, and social and sexual behaviors.8

Mother’s milk, a living liquid, contains just the right amount of fatty acids, lactose, water, and amino acids for human digestion, brain development, and growth. It also contains many immunities a baby needs in early life while her own immune system is maturing. One more instance of mother extending her own power, (love) to her developing child.

LIMBIC REGULATION: The Loop of Love

Another key to understanding how a mother’s love shapes the emerging capacities of her infant is what doctors Thomas Lewis, Fari Amini, and Richard Lannon , authors of A General Theory of Love, call limbic regulation; a mutually synchronizing hormonal exchange between mother and child which serves to regulate vital rhythms.

Human physiology, they say, does not direct all of its own functions; it is interdependent. It must be steadied by the physical presence of another to maintain both physical and emotional health. “Limbic regulation mandates interdependence for social mammals of all ages.” says Lewis, “But young mammals are in special need of it’s guidance: their neural systems are not only immature but also growing and changing. One of the physiologic processes that limbic regulation directs, in other words, is the development of the brain itself – and that means attachment determines the ultimate nature of a child’s mind.” A baby’s physiology is maximally open-loop: without limbic regulation, vital rhythms collapse posing great danger, even death.

The regulatory information required by infants can alter hormone levels, cardiovascular function, sleep rhythms, immune function, and more. Lewis, et al contend that , the steady piston of mother’s heart along with the regularity of her breathing coordinate the ebb and flow of an infant’s young internal rhythms. They believe sleep to be an intricate brain rhythm which the neurally immature infant must first borrow from parents. “Although it sounds outlandish to some American ears, exposure to parents can keep a sleeping baby alive.”

The Myth of Independence

This interdependence mandated by limbic regulation is vital during infancy, but it’s also something we need throughout the rest of childhood and on into adulthood. In many ways, humans cannot be stable on their own-we require others to survive. Recall that our nervous systems are not self-contained; they link with those of the people close to us in a silent rhythm that helps regulate our physiology. This is not a popular notion in a culture that values independence over interdependence. However, as a society that cherishes individual freedoms more than any other, we must respect the process whereby autonomy develops.

Children require ongoing neural synchrony from parents in order for their natural capacity for self-directedness to emerge. A mother’s love is a continuous shaping force throughout childhood and requires an adequate stage of dependency. The work of Mary Ainsworth has shown that maternal responsiveness and close bodily contact lead to the unfolding of self-reliance and self confidence.9 Because our culture does not sufficiently value interpersonal relationships, the mother/child bond is not recognized and supported as it could be.

The ability of a mother to read the emotional state of her child is older than our own species, and is essential to our survival, health and happiness. We are reminded of this each time a hurt child changes from sad/scared/angry to peaceful in our loving embrace. Warm human contact generates the internal release of opiates, making mother’s love a powerful anodyne. Even teenagers who sometimes behave as if they are ‘so over’ the need for a mother’s affection must be kept in the limbic loop. Children at this age might be at special risk for falling through the emotional cracks. If they don’t get the emotional regulation that family relationships are designed to provide, their hungry brains may seek ineffectual substitutes like drugs and alcohol.

Children left too long under the electronic stewardship of television, video games, etc., are not receiving the steady limbic connection with a resonant parent. Without this a child cannot internalize emotional balance properly.

Our hearts and brains are hardwired for love, and from infancy to old age our health and happiness depend on receiving it.

As the research keeps coming in and we gain a gradually expanding vision of how mother love shapes our species, we see an obvious need to take steps to protect and provide for the mother/child bond. We can take heart knowing that all the while we carry in our genes over a million years of evolutionary refinements equipping us for our role as mothers. The answers sought by science beat steadily within our own hearts.

Notes 1. Schore, Alan, Effects of a Secure Attachment Relationship on Right Brain Development, Affect Regulation, and Infant Mental Health, 2001 2.Verbalis, J.G., McCann, McHale and Stricker, ‘Oxytocin secretion in response to cholecystoknin and food: differentiation of nausea from satiety.’ Science 1986, 232: 1417-19 3. Prescott, James W., PhD, Breastfeeding: Brain Nutrients in Brain Development For Human Love and Peace, From Touch The Future Newsletter, Spring 1997 http://www.violence.de/prescott/ttf/article.html 4. Prescott, James W., PhD, The Origins of Human Love and Violence, From Pre and Perinatal Psychology Journal, Volume 10, #3: Spring 1996 5. Henry Holt, 1997 6. Prescott, James W. , Ph.D , Rock A Bye Baby, Time Life Documentary, 1970, Executive Producer: Lothar Wolff, Scientific Consultant. (last modified 2001/04/16). 7. Montagu, Ashley Touching : The Human Significance of the Skin, Harper, 1986 8. Prescott, James W., PhD, Breastfeeding: Brain Nutrients in Brain Development For Human Love and Peace, From Touch The Future Newsletter, Spring 1997 http://www.violence.de/prescott/ttf/article.html 9. Ainsworth, M.D.S., “Attachments Across the Life Span.” Bulletin of the New York Academy of Medicine 61, 1985

References

Carmichael, M.S., Warburton, V.L., Dixen, J., and Davidson, J.M. (1994). Relationships among cardiovascular, muscular, and oxytocin responses during human sexual activity. Archives of Sexual Behavior. Feb. 23(1):59-79.

Carter, C.S., Willams, J.R., Witt, D.M., Insel, T;;.R. (1992). Oxytocin and social bonding. Annals of the New York Academy of Sciences. Jun 12. 652:204-211.

Castrogiovanni, P., Capone, M.R., Maremmani, I. and Marazziti, D. (1994). Platelet serotonergic markers and aggressive behaviour in healthy subjects. Neuropsychobiology. 29(3):105-107.

Cook, P.S. (1996). Early Child Care: Infants & Nations At Risk. News Weekly Books Melbourne

Fazzolari-Nesci, A., Domianello, D., Sotera, V. and Raiha, N.C. (1992). Tryptophan fortification of adapted formula increaes plasma tryptophan concentrations to levels not different from those found in breast-fed infants. J. Pediatric Gastroenterology and Nutrition. May. 14(4): 456-459.

Ferris, C.F., Foote, K.B., Melster, H.M., Plenby, M.G., Smith, K.L., Insel, T.R. (1992). Oxytocin in the amygdala facilitates maternal aggression. Annals of the New York Academy of Sciences. June 12. 652:456-457.

Gutkowska, J., Antunes-Rodrigues, J. and McCann, S.M.’Atrialnatriuretic peptide in brain and pituitary gland.’ Physiological Review 1997; 77; 2:465-515

Higley, J.D., Suomi, S.J., Linnoila, M. (1990). Parallels in Aggression and Serotonin: Consideration of Development, Rearing History, and Sex Differences. In: Violence and Suicidality: Perspectives In Clinical and Psychobiological Research (Herman van Praag, Robert Plutchik and Alan Apter, Eds) NY: Brummer/Mazel.

Higley, J.D., Hasert, M.F., Suomi, S.J. and Linnoila, M. (1991). Nonhuman primate model of alcohol abuse: Effects of early experience, personality, and stress on alcohol consumption.Proc. Natl. Acad. Sci. USA V. 88, 7261-7265.

Insel, T.R. (1992). Oxytocin–a nuropeptide for affiliation: evidence from behavioral, receptor autoradiographic, and comparative studies. Psychoneuroendocrinology. 17(1):3-35.

Kamimura, S., Eguchi, K., Sekiba, K. (1991). Tryptophan and its metabolite concentrations in human plasma and breast milk during the perinatal period. Acta Medica Okayama. April 45(2):101-106.

Lanting, D.I., Fidler, V. Huisman, M., Touwen, B.C., Boersma, E.R. (1994). Neurological differences between 9-year old children fed breast-milk or formula-milk as babies. (1994). Lancet. Nov 12 344(8933):1319-22.

Mahalati, K., Okanoya, K., Witt, D.M., Carter, C.S. (1991). Oxytocin inhibits male sexual behavior in prairie voles. Pharmacology, Biochemistry and Behavior. May. 39(1)219-22

Murphy, M.R. Checkley, s.A., Secki, J.R., Lightman, S.L. (1990). Naloxone inhibits oxytocin release at orgasm in man. (1990). J. of Clinical Endocrinology and Metabolism. Oct. 71(4):1056-1058.

Neuringer, M. (1993). Cerebral cortex docosahexaenoic acid is lower in formula-fed than in breast-fed infants.Nutrition Reviews. August 51(8):238-41.

Newman, J. (1995). How Breast Milk Protects Newborns. Scientific American. December.

Prescott, J.W. (l979): Deprivation of physical affection as a primary process in the develop- ment of physical violence. In. Child Abuse and Violence (Gil, D. G., Ed). AMS Press

Prescott, J.W. (1996). The Origins of Human Love and Violence. Pre- and Perinatal Journal of Psychology. 10 (3):143-188

Prescott, J.W. (2001) America’s Lost Dream: Life, Liberty And the Pursuit of Happiness. The Association for Prenatal and Perinatal Psychology and Health 10th International Congress: Birth – The Genesis of Health.

Raine, A., Brennan, P. and Mednick, S.A. (1994). Birth complication combined with early maternal rejection at Age 1 year predispose to violent crime at age 18 years. Arch. Gen. Psych. V51:984-988.

Salk,L., Lipsitt, L.P., Sturner, W.Q., Reilly, B.M. and Levate, R.HJ. (1985). Relationship of maternal and perinatal conditions to eventual adolescent suicide. The Lancet. March 15.

Uauy, R. and De Andraca, I. (1995). Human milk and breast feeding for optimal mental development. J. of Nutrition. August 125(8 Suppl):2278S-2280S.

Werner, E. and Smith, R.S. (1992). Overcoming the odds. High Risk Children from Birth to Adulthood. Cornell University Press. Ithaca and London.

Winslow, J.T. and Insel, T.R. (1991). Social status in pairs of male squirrel monkeys determines the behavioral response to central oxytocin administration. J. of Neuroscience. Jul 11(7):2032-2038.

Winslow, J.T., Hastings, N., Carter, C.S., Harbaugh, C.R., Insel, T.R. (1993). A role for central vasopressin in pair bonding in monogamous prairie voles. Nature. Oct 7. 365(6446):545-548.

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© 2004 Cori Young

Cori Young is a writer and herbalist living in the Pacific Northwest. Visit her website HerbalRemediesInfo.com

Alcohol Abuse information, tips, recovery and treatment.

Tiny Love Toys

Cartier Love Ring

Let’s face it—choosing the right topics for a parent workshop can successfully motivate parents to attend your events. If you are a counselor, educator, father or mother interested in facilitating a parent workshop that provides the tools for raising responsible, happy and compassionate children, then this article will help steer you in the right direction. Having been in the parenting education field for over a decade, I’m happy to share with you what has worked best for the participants in my parenting workshops. I also share some tips from moms across North America who have used my book When You’re About To Go Off The Deep End, Don’t Take Your Kids With You as a guide for their own study groups and workshops.

Today’s Hot Parent Workshop Topics

Here are the top 10 topics for workshops that parents want and need:

1. Self-care and balancing work and home

2. Developing self-esteem and confidence in children

3. Choosing an approach to discipline that works

4. Homework and music lesson challenges

5. Chores and developing responsibility

6. How to have a good marriage (or in some cases, a good divorce)

7. Bullying and how to foster compassion in children

8. Sibling rivalry and favoritism

9. Allowances and money

10. Temper tantrums, communication and conflict

If you are looking for dynamic, useful, fun topics for a series of parenting workshops or parent study groups, I suggest checking out the following books:

- STEP (Systematic Training for Effective Parenting) by Dr. Dinkmeyer and Dr. McKay

- Positive Discipline by Dr. Jane Nelsen

- My When You’re About To Go Off The Deep End, Don’t Take Your Kids With You(a favorite with moms).

Ideas for a Parent Workshop Series

Below is an example of a fifteen-week course based on my book and successfully used by many mothers’ study groups. Each week of the course focuses on one chapter of When You’re About to Go Off the Deep End, Don’t Take Your Kids with You and covers the main topics listed below. Each chapter of the book ends with a summary and suggested homework activities to make your role as facilitator even easier.

Week 1: Could Your Approach To Motherhood Be Giving Your Grief?

How to choose the best discipline approach for you, why you’ll want to discipline without spanking, and how to receive the respect you deserve.

Week 2: How A Mom, Like You, Can Find Guilt-Free TLC

Why you don’t want to be a mom who does it all, how to bust stress with simple techniques easily, and how to manage your time so there’s time left over for you.

Week 3: “Get A Life!” – For The Sake Of Your Kids

How to reignite your own dreams, practical ways to have greater joy in your life, and getting back into the driver’s seat of creating your best life.

Week 4: How To Utilize Your Community to Raise Your Child Well

How to attract great friends, get the support you need, and the essential “life trips” you’ll want to take your kids on.

Week 5: Give Everyone In Your Home What They Want, Including You

How to establish trust in your home, how to run a family meeting no one will want to miss, and simple family rituals that can connect the whole family.

Week 6: What Every Mom Ought To Know About Solving Sibling Rivalry

How kids from the same family can be so different, favoritism and what

to do about it, and the best way to stop sibling fights from driving you crazy.

Week 7: How To Get Your Kids To Do Their Chores Smiling

How to get the chores done without nagging, what are age-appropriate chores, and a discussion about paying children for doing their chores.

Week 8: How To Boost Your Child’s Self-Esteem 10-Fold!

How you can make or break your child’s self-esteem, what are encouraging phrases that you can immediately use to boost confidence, and the top 10 ways to encourage your child.

Week 9: How To Keep Your Sanity In Times of conflict

What to do when you or your kids mess up, how to choose your fights wisely so the entire family doesn’t lose, and how to learn a special time-out that works every time for children of any age.

Week 10: How To Give Your Child Choices That Won’t Haunt You Later

How to use choices that inspire your children to want to be well behaved, how to set effective boundaries, and how to say “Yes” to your children while still getting what you want.

Week 11: Consequences That Save A Mom Time and Frustration

The two types of consequences that work to get the best from your children, how to remind without nagging, and how to use teachable moments to provide your child with wholesome values.

Week 12: How To Master The Tough Stuff From Tantrums To Sex

What to do when your child lies, how to get easily your kids up in the morning, and how to motivate your kids to do their homework—and much more!

Week 13: Daring To Deal With Dads

How to forgive for the sake of your kids, how to support and motivate a dad who is involved with his kids, and how to deal with a dad who just isn’t there.

Week 14: Your Kid’s Allowance – It’s Just “Common Cents”

How to give allowances that teach life skills, how to stop being your child’s personal ATM machine, and how to delegate new money tasks to your kids that naturally teach budgeting and appreciation for what they have.

Week 15: Is Your G-Spot A Big Part Of Your Life

How to bring spirit into your family, how to shrink your problems to a manageable size, and how to rekindle your faith during the tough times.

Please note that you can easily make this 15-week course into a shorter workshop series by combining chapters or by choosing to focus on topics that particularly stand out for you and the group.

Whatever topics for a parent workshop you choose; make certain the event is enjoyable (neither a therapy session nor a lecture). Get input from your group, have fun and, together, enjoy learning the tools that can unleash the best within your parent participants—so they can unleash the best within their kids.

Kelly Nault, MA author of When You’re About To Go Off The Deep End, Don’t Take Your Kids With You inspires moms to put themselves first—for the sake of their children. She shares time-tested tools that motivate children to want to be well behaved, responsible and happy! Sign up for herfree online parenting course here.

You are free to print or publish this article provided the article and bio remain as written and include a link to http://www.mommymoments.com as above.

© 2005 UltimateParent.com – All rights reserved.

Peggy, mother of 16-year old Shauna and 11-year old Stephanie recently sent an e-mail sharing her success learned from Peaceful Parenting®.

Last fall I heard your Peaceful Parenting® presentation sponsored by my daughter’s middle school PTA. I asked you a question and wanted you to know how helpful your answer has been for my relationship with my eldest daughter Shauna and me.

My complaint to you regarding Shauna’s recent behavior centered around her selfishness, her unkind words and deeds toward her sister and her apparent disrespect of her father and me. Your suggestions were not what I expected. Rather than the usual threats of grounding her or demands for better behavior, you suggested that I talk with Shauna during our “nice feeling” times together. When I told you we don’t have those times any more, you said that this could be at the core of our problems. You suggested that I spend time with Shauna. You emphasized that I not talk with her about my upsets, but rather find something that we have in common that we could enjoy together.

I must tell you that I was very skeptical of this advice. I was afraid that I would give Shauna the impression that all that she had been doing lately was okay with me. But I also knew that I missed the loving relationship I had had with Shauna. So despite my concerns, I followed your suggestion.

At first our time together was stiff. I think Shauna was worried that I was setting a trap for her. But every week we make plans to spend at least one afternoon with each other. Sometimes we go shopping. Other times we might go out to lunch or take a

walk in a local park. We don’t have any specific agenda other than spending time with one another.

The results have been wonderful. I feel as though I know my daughter better now than I have in years. I also feel as though she better knows me too. Because I don’t have any kind of an ulterior motive other than getting to know my daughter better, her initial resistance has melted into enthusiasm for our time and for our relationship that matches my own enthusiasm.

And as you predicted, the kinds of mean, selfishness that I noticed in her before has decreased considerably. Don’t get me wrong; Shauna is not a perfect, obedient child. But she is nicer to every one in the family. She is more willing to pitch in and help me around the house. And recently I overheard Shauna and her sister laughing together.

Thank you Dr. Buck for your unusual advice. It was exactly what our family needed to get back on a better, more loving track with one another.

I’m delighted to hear of your success. Thanks for sharing your story so that others can learn from your example.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Nancy S. Buck, Ph.D. established Peaceful Parenting, Inc. in 2000 to bring her knowledge and experience with effective parenting to the greatest number of parents and other caretakers of children. She developed the Peaceful Parenting® program from her 25 years of experience as a developmental psychologist, trainer and educator with The William Glasser Institute and as the mother of twin sons. Her genuine, warm and authentic teaching style is clear and concise, helping learners move from the theoretical to real life situations.

http://www.peacefulparenting.com

Improve your family – Improve your world

Parents are in a unique position to “monitor” their children’s internet activities and to observe their behavior with respect to any actions generated by the child’s internet use. If children are hiding something from a parent, usually an astute parent will sense that something is askew… in these times it may well be internet associated. This is a delicate balance of empowerment and trust. And it is a wise parent that verbalizes this balance and discusses it openly with the child, especially teen age children.

The internet is a powerful tool for schoolwork and knowledge. It is, at the same time, a significant danger, offering pornography to underage children and the real danger of a personal contact with an undesirable internet “friend.”

Here are some ways that a parent can thwart the jeopardy:

1. The computer needs to be in a family room, not in the child’s bedroom.

2. Parents should get computer smart and learn how the internet functions.

3. Be aware of your child’s use of the computer.

4. Ask your children about their online friends.

5. Obtain programs that will block undesirable, “adult” sites.

6. Pedophiles use teen and preteen chat rooms to prey on children. Do not let your child enter any personal information

in a chat environment. Chat rooms allow for one on one conversations… do not permit your children to engage in such conversations.

7. Be sure your child reports anything unusual that they observe on the internet, and, certainly never to answer any rude or offensive e-mails or messages.

8. Be sure your child knows that it is very dangerous to actually meet anyone that they have talked with on the internet.

9. Do not allow your child to send or receive any pictures on the internet from anyone not personally known to you.

10. Do not allow your child any “late night” sessions on the internet.

There are many jeopardies in which children can be trapped. Many are discussed in a new book by Dr. Stuart J. Malkin, “Empowering Children.” More information at: http://www.buybooksontheweb.com/description.asp?ISBN=0-7414-2331-6

Dr. Malkin holds a B.Sc. in Business and a Masters and Ph.D. in Religion. He has made hundreds of visits to schools with a moving and effective motivational presentation, urging teens to do their personal best. His mentoring programs have empowered many, many children. His quest for years has been to teach the power of Right Action, working towards the goal of a better world.

John Bishop’s Goal Setting for Students.com

Parents – Minimize Homework Hassles?

It’s 6:30 at night and you just got home from a long day at work, but the day’s not over yet. First, there’s dinner, then homework and don’t forget the chores. Your husband has to finish his proposal by 7 a.m., and you have an important presentation for the president of the company tomorrow. Add a little stress from the monthly bills and the possibility of Dad’s company being downsized, and you have the average US family scenario.

Given all these pressures you still want the best for your children and are willing to sacrifice for them. You want to give them the tools they will need to succeed in school and in life. The problem is time. Your solution is getting your children to take more personal ownership of their education. Consider what private schools have done for years.

In a study of 1,050 adults in St. Louis, Missouri, ranging from 28 – 60 years of age – only thirty six people (3.6%) learned about goal setting when they were in young. The breakdown is very significant: 31 learned from private schools, 3 from their parents, and only 2 learned about goal setting in public schools.

Difference Between Public and Private Schools:

Private schools:

1. Make goal setting and educational ownership a priority.

2. Integrate these principles into the student’s educational

experience.

3. Students are taught that they are directly responsible for the quality of their education.

Public schools:

1. Teach goal setting as a small part of a bigger program.

2. Are under enormous pressure to complete the bigger program in a specific time.

3. Goal setting and educational ownership are not integrated into the school’s curriculum.

We can’t continue do the same thing over and over again and expect different results! Parents can’t wait for public schools to make goal setting a priority!

Teaching your child about goal setting and educational ownership will minimize your homework hassles. It will help your son or daughter make better decisions, take more responsibility, and embrace your efforts to help them succeed. In addition, knowing how to set and achieve goals will positively impact your child’s motivation, class participation, and academic achievement.

For your FREE subscription to Mr. Bishop’s “Teaching Moments” please visit the website.

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FREE Reprint Rights – You may publish this article in electronically or in print, in whole or in part, as long as the bylines and website address are included.

John Bishop is the Executive Director of Accent On Success® an organization dedicated to giving parents, teachers, and other caregivers the tools they need to help children succeed in school and in life. He is the author of Goal Setting for Students®. http://www.GoalSettingForStudents.com