Parenting resources

1) It’s not my (pot, beer, cigarettes, etc.), I’m just keeping it for someone else.

Yeah right. The next question for the parent to ask is, “If you are keeping this for your friend, what is your friend keeping for you?” One of the reasons parents can get fooled here is that you so desperately want to believe that it is not theirs and they are not doing drugs. It’s important to remember that this is something your teen might be counting on.

2) When caught with drugs – This is just the first time I’ve tried it.

Unlikely. Usually when kids get caught with and/or using some drugs, they have been doing it awhile. They have simply slipped up, gotten caught, and are trying to find a quick way out of it.

3) We don’ have homework in that class

Sometimes this is true. Or they have already done it at school. Often times it’s a good excuse for not doing homework, or for covering up for skipping class. Either way, it’s one of the easiest to check out by talking with the teacher. Which parents need to be doing anyway.

4) The teacher doesn’t like me

Maybe so. This is usually just a handy excuse for bad grades or getting in trouble. Either way, it’s the kid’s job to find a way to make it work, even if the teacher doesn’t like them. It’s simply practice for the real world, where not everyone is going to like you; sometimes even bosses or co-workers. The interesting thing about this one is the teens solution to the problem. It goes something like this – “Well, the teacher doesn’t like me, so I’ll show them by flunking the class.” And who is this hurting?

5) Of course there will be parents at the party

The answer to this one is, “If that’s true, then you certainly won’t mind me calling up your friend’s parents to see if there is anything I can do to help.”

6) Everyone else gets to do it, so why can’t

I?

Another popular one designed to make parents feel guilty and old fashioned, so they will give in to something they think is wrong. My mother had a wonderfully confusing answer to this one; “If everyone else stood on their head in the middle of the street at three in the morning in their underwear, would you?” Probably would have.

7) Everyone drinks and smokes. There’s not a single person my age who doesn’t.

Many, many teenagers do. But not each and every one. I know of plenty who do not and have a very good time with what they do. Another one designed to get parents to tolerate behavior they don’t like.

If you let me off just this once, I’ll promise I’ll never do it again.

Another one parents want so badly to believe. Unfortunately, what the teenager usually learns here is that the parent really doesn’t mean it about consequences. While in some ways it might be easier to let them off the hook, it teaches very little about the real world.

9 & 10) Give me one good reason why I can’t do that!

This one gets two places because it is so common and so important. The crucial part not to believe here is that they are really asking for a legitimate answer to the question. After giving a well reasoned adult answer, here is something you will not hear from your teenager, “Well, thank you for explaining it that way to me folks! And now that you have, not only do I no longer what to do that, I’m embarrassed and ashamed for asking. Please forgive me and good night.” If your teen ever says this, call me quickly, something is really wrong!

Jeff Herring, MS, LMFT, is a marriage and family therapist specializing in working with teenagers and their parents. A nationally syndicated relationship columnist and speaker, Jeff is also the founder and CEO of http://www.ParentingYourTeenager.com, where you can subscribe to his f’ree internet newsletter “ParentingYourTeenager.” E-mail Jeff at jeff@parentingyourteenager.com

Cigarette Contents

From a historical perspective, child abuse has plagued society since the beginning of time. Two rights have been at the core of child abuse: the right to own property, and the right to own children.

In ancient Rome, fathers had absolute authority over their children. They alone decided which of their children lived or died. Children born deformed, disabled, or in any way outside of what was considered normal, children born of the ‘wrong’ gender, namely girls when boys were far more desirable, would be killed. Fathers had the right to maim and brutalize their children without fear of retribution. Harsh discipline was deemed necessary to mold the child into mindful, contributing human beings.

In England, children as young as 5 years old were shackled and forced to work 16-hour-days in inhumane conditions of mines and factories. Cruel overseers frequently goaded these little children with whips and prods.

Canada must also be accountable for its part in child abuse history. From 1870 to 1930, more than 8000 children were taken from the streets of Dublin and London, then shipped overseas to Canadian homes where they were beaten, demeaned and forced to labour on farms and in factories, all in the name of ‘shaping’ their young charges. In fact, these young people were nothing more than slaves.

In the late 1800s, a church worker named Etta Wheeler forever changed the face of parental authority in North America.

During a family visit, Mrs. Wheeler discovered 11-year-old Mary-Ellen, the step-daughter of the woman casually entertaining Mrs. Wheeler, shackled to her bed and badly beaten. Too tiny and ill-formed for her 11 years, it was quite evident Mary-Ellen was also grossly malnourished. Some of her scars were visibly healed over, giving a clear picture of long-term and sustained child abuse.

Appalled by what she saw, Mrs. Wheeler reported the severe and obvious abuse and neglect to the authorities. The authorities could find no law that had been broken: in 1873—and even today in many countries—what went on behind the closed doors of the family was considered no one’s business but the family’s.

But Etta Wheeler was determined: she marched herself into the American S.P.C.A. demanding they do something to help the battered Mary-Ellen.

Animals were protected, but children were not!

In order for the A.S.P.C.A. to act on behalf of Mary-Ellen, children had to be declared members of the animal kingdom, which is indeed what happened. The A.S.P.C.A. did finally intervene. Mary-Ellen was removed from her abusive home and placed in foster care, where she thrived. She eventually married and had 2 daughters of her own, one of whom she named Etta as a tribute to her rescuer. Mary-Ellen lived to the age of 92.

Mary-Ellen is considered the very first case of child abuse in North America, more because of the historical

significance than the historical accuracy. The time had finally come to protect children as children, which lead to the creation of child abuse laws.

Today in Canada, the most notable laws governing child abuse are:

1. Age of MajorityM

2. Statute of Limitations

3. Duty to Report

AGE OF MAJORITY: A child becomes an adult at either age 18 or 19, depending on the province of residence. A minor child is between ages 0 to 18 or 19.

STATUTE OF LIMITATIONS: In Canada there is no statute of limitations on reporting and charging someone with child abuse. Whether the abuse occurred 5 minutes, 5 days, 5 years, or 50 years ago, a report can still be made and charges can still be laid. Nowhere is this more evident than with the abuse that went on in Residential Schools with our native peoples. More than 7000 lawsuits have been filed against the Canada federal government, the Catholic church, and certain individuals alleging physical, sexual and emotional abuse during years spent in mandatory attendance and confinement in these Residential Schools.

DUTY TO REPORT: Of all the laws, statutes and conventions (namely, the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child, which Canada ratified December 13, 1991) governing child abuse in Canada, duty to report is by far the most important when it comes to child protection.

Duty to report dictates that known or suspected child abuse must be reported to the authorities. Failure to do so could result in charges being laid and up to a $10,000 fine. The purpose behind this law is to ensure that children are protected in a timely manner, that children aren’t being abused for their entire lives.

What are the legal consequences if after reporting, an investigation proves child maltreatment was/is not present or cannot be proven? There are no legal consequences as long as the report is made in good faith and in the best interest of the child.

Save a child: Report known or suspected child abuse!

RELATED PAGES:

http://www.child-abuse-effects.com/child-abuse.html

http://www.child-abuse-effects.com/child-abuse-law.html

http://www.child-abuse-effects.com/age-of-majority.html

http://www.child-abuse-effects.com/statute-of-limitations.html

http://www.child-abuse-effects.com/duty-to-report.html

http://www.child-abuse-effects.com is a site that details the four types of child abuse (emotional, physical, sexual, and neglect); signs, effects and statistics for each; sexual abuse victims, including victims with disabilities; sex offenders, including female, child, adolescent, and Internet offenders; laws governing child abuse; intervention; prevention; plus a forum to write your own child abuse story.

Darlene Barriere is a certified child abuse and neglect facilitator with the Canadian Red Cross. She conducts workshops with youth and adults on the subject of child abuse, bullying and harassment, violence in sports, and relationship violence. She has written a book detailing how she overcame the devastating effects of child abuse.

Darlene Barriere Copyright 2005

You have permission to publish this article electronically or in print, free of charge, as long as all bylines and live hyperlinks are included.

We all scream for ice cream. Or, we don’t, at least not anymore.

Before moving to this sleepy suburb as kids, we lived in the city. We’d walk to the corner store for an italian ice. I barely kindergarten age when we moved south of Boston, but I remember the cool lemony goodness on a wooden stick like it was yesterday.

When we moved to the ‘burbs, we didn’t have to go to the store anymore for a treat. The ice-cream truck would come to us, (though I seem to remember calling it the slush truck?) Of course, looking back, I see that an ice cream truck was just one more hurdle in my weight gain problems, but this is a happy memory, damnit.

During the summer months, you’d hear the distinct sound of bells, calling to us kids like the Pied Piper of frozen confections. We’d haul up the driveway, down the street, out of the woods, with quarters, dimes and nickels, to buy a “graveyard” slush. Does anybody remember this- getting all those syrupy sweet flavors mixed together to make a greyish-blackish mud of a slush? Maybe it was just my brother who ordered it like that? I used to love watermelon, cotton candy, anything pink.

Now, I’m the mom, living in the same town. We don’t have an ice-cream man anymore. Occasionally one comes by, but he’s

here after bedtime, thanks Mister for getting the kids riled up after 8pm with the thought of drippy Spiderman sherbet on a stick with gumball eyes! (He needs to alter his route and get here earlier to make the big bucks from my three treat-loving kids.)

It’s different now, though. We’re more conscious of food choices, and running to get an ice cream cannot be a daily habit.

Not only that, parents these days are insanely aware of anyone who drives slowly through a residential neighborhood who doesn’t belong. Welcome to the age of Amber Alerts, Attempted Child Abductions, Missing & Exploited Children, & Massachusetts Sex Offender Registry Board.

Children don’t run to ice cream trucks alone anymore. Children don’t walk to the store to get a treat anymore. When we were kids, we didn’t think much of walking up to the center of town to get something. I’ll have to ask my mother, but I don’t remember how old I was when she finally let me go with a friend to the store, but I know it was a lot younger than I’ll consider letting my kids go to the same place.

It’s not that it’s any different here, it really isn’t, but the years that have passed have changed things and changed people.

The years have taken the ice cream man.

Beth

Read about me here…

http://meltingmama.blogspot.com/

Is your weekly shopping trip with the kids an absolute chore ! or are you happy to take them along?

Lots of moms don’t have any choice in the matter, if they don’t own a car it can be sheer agony waiting at bus stops then struggling on and off buses with kids and a pushchair.

Gone are the days when a helping hand was offered, and if the bus is full, no gallant young man will jump up and offer his seat to the harassed mom.

Next step is the supermarket, a haven of joy to the youngsters. Low shelves full of goodies, long aisle, fantastic for kids to run up and down creating havock, even the most obedient child can’t resist the lure of this playground.

How often do you get home and find a few extras in your shopping bags that you hadn’t noticed going through the checkout, usually things that you might never use, or of course the odd bar of chocolate or packet of sweets.

If you are on a budget this can be very annoying as many families have to count their pennies.

Have you noticed how many supermarkets have these automated bob the builder cars and

other amusements for kids, its a tug of war most times to drag them away, usually crying because you can’t afford the money it takes to let them go on.

Many large supermarkets have a creche or playroom, BUT if you have two or three kids the cost may be beyond you.

Wouldn’t it be great if they could forget about making money for a while and provide these commodities for free. Imagine how their sales would soar if moms and dads knew they could do kids free shopping at no extra cost, other supermarkets wouldn’t get a look in unless they followed suit.

Do those top dogs that sit back raking in the money realise that it is families that bring in their bacon. and if they just gave a thought to the harassed moms and what it would mean to them to have somewhere free to park their children whilst shopping, how much happier every one would be.

Even one or two days a week kids free shopping would a boon to many families.

Bliss, happy parents, and happy kids.

Sylvia White is the author and owner of http://www.sylviawh.co.uk

http://www.u-want-money.com

http://www.geocities.com/sylviaworkathome

Make Money Online Job Opportunity Websites(c)

It’s an all too common scenario:

Child says, “I want that.” Mom replies, “I don’t’ have any money.” Child, trying to be helpful, quickly replies, “That’s OK, just use your card.”

Unfortunately, the child in this story usually equates swiping the plastic—whether a credit card or ATM card—with “free money.” Without realizing it, many moms are teaching their children to become future “spendaholics.” How? By overusing the credit card—and by acting like their children’s personal ATM machine.

What kids buy with their allowance teaches them good, solid financial principles that will stick with them the rest of their lives. However, what kids buy with your money (or with your credit card, as the case may be) does little to develop their understanding of sound spending and saving habits.

What Kids Buy with Allowance—And Why Parents Give Allowance in the First Place

What is an allowance for, anyways? An allowance should be given to promote healthy money management. It should not be given as compensation for chores. Chores are an everyday part of being a member of the family. The praise and thanks for completing chores is remuneration enough.

Some parents might ask, “Why give kids money for free?” Good question! But the fact of the matter is, you already do give them money for free by doling out cash for treats, clothes, games, toys, books…you get the picture. Even without an allowance, you’re still giving your kids “money for free.”

And this is why an allowance is so great: it allows you to keep the spending on your children in check (actually saving you money!) while teaching them valuable life skills at the same time. Allowance shifts a lot of the spending decisions to your children—and what kids buy with their allowance teaches them practical financial lessons that last.

This doesn’t mean taking a 100% “hands-off” approach to your child’s spending habits. Instead, it calls you to help teach them the basics of finances so they can go on to manage money on their own. It requires you to set up guidelines for how much money they can save and how much money they can spend. Then, after the financial foundation is laid, what kids buy with allowance is up to them.



Can You Control What Kids Buy with Allowance?

On page 178 of my book When You’re About To Go Off the Deep End, Don’t Take Your Kids With You, I discuss a money management plan that both kids and parents can appreciate and enjoy. I call it “piggy banking with a twist,” and here’s how it works.

In order to start receiving an allowance, your child simply has to agree to use the “piggy banking with a twist” system. Instead of having one piggy bank, you want them to have four!

The four piggy banks and their purposes are:

1. Super Savings Pig – This is your child’s long-term savings.

As money accumulates over time in this bank, your child will learn the benefits of delayed gratification.

2. Play Dough Pig – This is your child’s fun money. It is to be spent on a weekly basis for immediate gratification stuff like candy, small trinkets, or whatever they want!

3. Grand Goal Pig – This pig helps your child save toward a specific goal, usually a special toy they really want. Many moms report that their kids take far better care of the toys they have bought with their own money than the ones they’ve been given. What kids buy with allowance gives them a sense of pride, accomplishment and ownership.

4. Kind Charity Pig – This account helps instill the value of giving to others. Get your children involved by discussing and visiting various charities and letting them decide where their donations go. And when your children are ready to make their donations, ensure they are the ones who mail or hand-deliver them—not you.

How much should go toward each pig? Most kids find it easiest to put 25% in each account. Older children can flex these guidelines a bit, but a good rule of thumb is to put at least 10% toward charity and another 10% toward savings.

You Bought What?!

What kids buy with allowance will often seem like plain ole’ junk to you. Sometimes your children will want a cheap toy that you know will break shortly after they purchase it. Or maybe they want candy that you would rather they didn’t have.

The best thing to do in these situations is to allow your children the experience without any interference from you. The natural consequence of having the toy break is a wonderful learning opportunity. When it comes to candy, whatever junk food is not allowed at all is what they will want even more. So allow your children to spend their “play dough” money as they wish. This is a form of respect and can teach your children how to spend wisely.

In the end, what kids buy with allowance is more than material goods. As you implement an allowance system and stick to it, you will be teaching your children valuable lessons—lessons about how to spend, how to save, and how to do both wisely.

Kelly Nault, MA author of When You’re About To Go Off The Deep End, Don’t Take Your Kids With You inspires moms to put themselves first—for the sake of their children. She shares time-tested tools that motivate children to want to be well behaved, responsible and happy! Sign up for herfree online parenting course here. You are free to print or publish this article provided the article and bio remain as written and include a link to http://www.mommymoments.com as above.

© 2005 UltimateParent.com. All rights reserved