Parenting resources

A study done by the Thomas B. Fordham Institute found that nationwide, public-school teachers are almost twice as likely as other parents to send their children to a private school. The study also found that more than one in five public-school teachers send their kids to private schools.

In the biggest cities across America, the statistics get even more startling. In Washington, D.C., Baltimore, and 16 other big cities, more than 1 out of 4 public-school teacher’s kids attend private schools. In some cities, almost half the public-school teachers do this. For example, in Philadelphia, 44 percent, and in Cincinnati, 41 percent of public-school teachers sent their kids to private schools.

Yet, across America, only about 12.2 percent of all parents who are not teachers send their children to private schools.

Now, why is this? Public school authorities keep telling us that they give our kids a good education. Yet they send their kids to private schools?

Well, teachers know best in this case. They actually work in the public schools every day. They see the kind of 3rd-rate, often mind-numbing education children get in these schools. Public-school teachers love their children like all other parents do. They want the best for their kids. So, is it any wonder that so many teachers send their children to private schools?

These statistics should be

a warning signal for parents, a red flag waving briskly in the wind. If your children’s teachers are sending their children to private schools, should you be keeping your kids in public school? If the soldier-teachers in the public-school trenches tell you that there is something very wrong with these schools, you should, for once, be listening to them.

Actions speak louder than words. The fact that so many public-school teachers send their kids to private schools should be all the proof you need that it might be wise for you to look for education alternatives for your kids elsewhere.

If you think you can’t afford an expensive private school, you’re happily mistaken. Joel Turtel’s book, “Public School’s, Public Menace” tells parents all about quality, low-cost Internet private schools. These private schools are a great new resource for giving your children an excellent education at an affordable price.

Joel Turtel is an education policy analyst, and author of “Public Schools, Public Menace: How Public Schools Lie To Parents and Betray Our Children.”Contact Information:Website: http://www.mykidsdeservebetter.com, Email: lbooksusa@aol.com, Phone: 718-447-7348.

Article Copyrighted © 2005 by Joel Turtel. NOTE: You may post this Article on another website only if you set up a hyperlink to Joel Turtel’s email address and website URL, http://www.mykidsdeservebetter.com.

As a mom of 4 who’s youngest child is about to start Kindergarten this Fall, I’d like to share with you some things I’ve learned about Preschool over the last ten years, along with a list of readiness skills every child can be learning at home – whether attending Preschool or not.

Preschools, especially those taught in a church environment, are a wonderful resource that help prepare children for regular school. Not to mention they also provide social interaction with children of the same age, and for a few hours each week, a much-needed break for Mom. Overall, we highly recommend them!

There’s just one catch – Preschool is expensive!

Though I truly enjoyed successfully homeschooling our first child for preschool in 1994, by the time our next child was ready for preschool (in 1998) I also had a toddler at home (our third child), and another shortly on the way. My husband and I decided it was definitely time for some help, and somehow we managed to put our second child through preschool, as well as the third. And the fourth – as I’ve already mentioned, will be graduating this year.

If you’d like to send your child to Preschool but would like to keep the costs down, try finding a school that offers just two days a week, that’s what we did. Of course homeschooling would cost even less, but we realize that’s not an option for everyone – especially working moms.

Whether you choose to home-preschool your child or send him/her to a local Preschool on a part-time basis, here’s a suggested list of academic, physical and social skills every preschooler should be learning. If your child will be attending Kindergarten in the fall it would be a good idea to continue working on these things over the summer. Kindergarten is a lot tougher than it was even a few years ago, so the more prepared your

child is the better off he/she will be!

You will find that Kindergarten Readiness lists will vary but this is a great list that covers the basics.

Academic Skills

• Say the alphabet

• Recognize own name, and letters in name

• Recognize as many letters as possible (A-Z)

• Count to 10

• Recognize numbers 0, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10

• Count items

• Name the basic colors (blue, red, yellow, purple, green, orange, white, brown, black)

Physical Skills

• Care for personal needs (Use restroom, wash hands, fasten clothes, wipe nose, etc.)

• Catch item tossed underhand

• Walk up and down stairs

• Use pencils and crayons

• Use scissors & glue stick

• Stack blocks

• Put toys and class items where they belong

Social Skills (These are always a work in progress!)

• Shares and takes turns

• Sits quietly and listens in group setting

• Follows directions

• Demonstrates good manners while eating

• Respects other students and adults

• Respects other’s belongings and class items

• Expresses thoughts and feelings clearly

And a Note About Reading.

Depending on your local school system, children now begin reading in either Preschool or Kindergarten. It is very important that your child be familiar with the letters of the alphabet and if possible, even the sounds each one makes. Knowing the letters will make the transition to reading much easier.

Throughout the early school years, teachers will often remind you how important it is to read to your children every day. You can make it a special time by letting the child choose the book to be read, and ask them questions about the story as you go – this will also help them develop good comprehension skills, which are needed throughout life.

Enjoy these early years together, they grow up so fast!

Copyright 2004 by Michelle Jones

About The Author

Michelle Jones, author of Dealing with Debt and publisher of Living a Better Life: The Money-Saving Tips Ezine, is a frugal mother of 4 who’s dedicated to helping families live a better life, not by spending more money, but less! If you’d like a free subscription to her monthly Ezine please visit www.BetterBudgeting.com for more information.

editor@betterbudgeting.com

Do you really want your child to enjoy playing with a toy that was made on the other side of the world by people who are no more than children themselves, and paid 30 cents an hour – a paltry sum that can barely sustain them? Unfortunately, all too often, that’s exactly what you’re doing.

I’m not suggesting that anybody who does this is uncaring and selfish – when we buy these toys it’s usually because we don’t know any better. After all, the big toy manufacturers are hardly going to tell us, are they?

Manufacture

So why is this allowed to go on? How can the toy giants get away with it?

Quite easily. Thanks to the way these factories are monitored, owners are warned of inspections beforehand and have time to ‘clean up their act’.

While the Toy Industry Association of America has developed regulations regarding the safety of children’s toys, they’ve done little to improve the situation for the unfortunate children who are forced to make them.

Their website explains that since a large percentage of toys sold in the US are produced in China, as far back as in 1996 the TIA developed a program to teach Chinese toy manufacturers US toy safety standards to ensure that imported toys met US requirements.

Videos and manuals covering safety in the factory and working conditions were developed, as well as fundamental health and hygiene practices, basic fire protection and ways to ensure toy factory compliance with laws. However, there’s no mention of ongoing monitoring and as long as factory owners are allowed to operate without being properly supervised, little is likely to change.

A

report released by UNICEF in 2000 revealed that child workers in developing countries were hidden in closets or boxes when inspectors arrived to examine the premises. Four years had passed but children were still being exploited. There’s no evidence to suggest the situation is any better today and until the toy company’s put pressure on the manufacturers to improve conditions, the likelihood of anything improving is practically non-existent.

Plastic & PVC

Plastic toys, and especially those made of PVC, can contain harmful chemicals such as phthalates, believed to be responsible for liver and kidney damage, as well as changing testicle development in young boys.

Some toys contain up 55 percent phthalates by weight. This affects the workers as they’ve been found to have a 200 times greater risk of developing liver cancer.

Choose wooden toys instead. As long as they’re made from sustainable sources and have been painted with safe paints, they’re far kinder to both those who make them as well as being friendlier to the environment. And they last longer, too. Just type “wooden toys from sustainable sources” into your favorite search engine and you’ll be presented with a list of online suppliers.

By buying plastic and PVC toys for your children you’re indirectly participating in the deaths of children who have never known the luxury of playing with toys. Do you really want to be a part of that?

Sharon Jacobsen is a professional freelance writer living in South Cheshire, England. Her areas of special interest are environmental and social issues, two subjects that very often cross.

If you’d like to contact Sharon, please visit her website at http://www.sharon-jacobsen.co.uk

Wes came home from school one day and I had done something he didn’t agree with.

“I’m sorry.”

“Sorry’s not good enough.”

I was dumbfounded.

“Yes, it is.”

“No, I tell Mrs. Slayback I’m sorry and she tells me it’s not good enough.”

It is good enough. When we do something wrong, we tell God sorry and He forgives us. You tell Mrs. Slayback the next time she says it’s not good enough that sorry is good enough for God; it is good enough for anyone.”I don’t remember what it was that I had done wrong to have to apologize and I’m sure I didn’t even ask why Wes was having to apologize at school, but I was dismayed that a teacher was having such a negative impact on my child, teaching him things I didn’t agree with.

When I was in teacher training, this was called the hidden curriculum: things we taught our students about how the world works through the microcosm of our classroom, sometimes without forethought, sometimes with forethought,Except today, the hidden curriculum that many Christian parents object to isn’t so hidden.

Evolution, sexual orientation, politics have all become common topics in America’s classrooms and as parents we need to be sure that we deal with these issues effectively.

Communication

Obviously, open communication with our children is the best line of defense when something objectionable is taught at school. Being able to talk to our children about other viewpoints and share why we hold different points-of-view helps our children be critical thinkers. This means we need to be able to articulate why we believe what we do.When Wes asked me about evolution after a science class, I explained to him that evolution is a theory, a conclusion drawn by looking at evidence, but often theories are only partially correct or completely wrong. We talk about how it used to be a scientific theory that if someone had a disease of the blood, draining that person’s blood would make him or her better. We now know that this theory was wrong and dangerous, which we then correlate to the theory of evolution. Humans are not all-knowing and we are learning as we go. But if we look for miracles, then we see them which is proof for us of God. Talking to our children about ideas presented in school, without morally dismissing the teacher, helps our children grow into thoughtful, articulate adults who can answer doubters.

Contacting the Teacher

Communicating with the teacher is also an important step to solving the situation. When a teacher humiliates a child, we do not hesitate to take action. The same should be true if questionable subjects are being presented at school. But, tread lightly because teachers believe they have the best interests of your child at heart and if the material is part of the curriculum, the discussion may be difficult.As a ninth grade English teacher, part of the adopted curriculum was a unit of literature on tolerance in which we studied the Holocaust. We read Night, a disturbing look at life in the Nazi camps. The book is an important piece of Holocaust literature and our belief as a department was that by exposing students to this work, we were expanding their ideas of tolerance. I had many parents disagree with me.Most parents were angry and demanded I give their children alternative reading materials. Since the book was part of our adopted curriculum, I felt justified in telling them no, that they would have to take it up with the administration and district. They dug in and I dug in. Mrs. Barlow had a different tactic. I came to my meeting with her with all my guns drawn, ready for a battle. She came with a kind word and a gift. She started by telling me how much her son enjoyed me as a teacher and how much she appreciated all I was doing for her child and the children of the community. Then she handed me a book, The Hiding Place, a Holocaust story about a Christian family who hides Jewish families during this time in history.

She wondered if there wasn’t a more positive way to teach the students the same thing, or at least to give the Christian children and parents asking for alternative literature a choice.

Would I read it?Of course, I melted. I agreed to read the book and think about the issue. She thanked me and left. I opened the book and found the inside inscribed with a note thanking me. I still have the book and I did rethink my approach to the curriculum. From that day forward, I began to listen to parents and their objections, even if couched in angry tones because of Mrs. Barlow.

Making a teacher or curriculum wrong draws battle lines. Trying to understand the intent of the curriculum and then seeing if there isn’t a compromise to be made not only allows the teacher to gracefully change his or her mind, it allows everyone to gain from the experience. Talk about a lesson in tolerance.

District

A parent’s last resort is to approach the district administration or school board. Usually there are papers to be filed, meetings to be attended with administrators and, as has been seen recently by the plethora of court proceedings, things can become complicated. If you feel you are not being heard by the teacher or the curriculum is so offensive to your values that you want drastic changes in the presentation, then filling out this paperwork is your next step. Be prepared to be told that if you don’t want your child exposed to public school curriculum because it is religiously offensive, to send your child to a private religious school. Don’t be dissuaded. Continue to have the discussions with administrators and teachers and be ready to compromise. Remember your goal: to provide a positive curriculum for your child and others.

Our friends’ son is in eighth grade and reading To Kill A Mockingbird. They have some objections to the book.

Dad is upset because of the foul language. He believes that his son should not have to be exposed to language which is base and potentially upsetting to him. As an English teacher I gave all the arguments I’m sure the teacher would give him: the language is an example of ignorance; the language is true to the period of the story; the language can be seen as a teachable moment. My friend wasn’t convinced. He feels that a thirteen year old should not go to school and be faced with base language.

Mom is upset because of the issue of rape in the book. She is reading the book and waiting for her son to ask questions about the scenes where rape is discussed. As a teacher, I had no arguments to support the teacher on this one. I know the book is a great piece of literature, which my friend admits, but know that as teachers we know very little about the maturity of our students and which issues are appropriate for their maturity levels. She feels, like her husband, that when her son is in school he should not be faced with such violent issues, especially at his age.

Since their son is thirteen, they have allowed him to decide whether he wants to read the book or not, letting him know that if he becomes uncomfortable with the material, they will bring it up with his teacher. Being the mature, thoughtful son they raised, he has decided to give it a try, knowing the lines of communication are open and whatever he decides will be supported by his parents. They are on Chapter 3.

When questionable ideas are presented in our children’s schools, we can see them as opportunities to strengthen our relationship with our children and to allow them to become critical thinkers, to bring our message of love and acceptance to the schools and to affect change in the schools which is positive for our children and all children.Remember that individuals within the school do have your child’s best interest at heart although they may differ philosophically. It is important to remind these institutions that their job is to educate our children, not to indoctrinate them.

Diane Mierzwik is the author of “Quick and Easy Ways to Connect with Students and Their Parents,” “Classroom Record Keeping Made Simple,” and “Wishes in the Field.” She is the mother of a thirteen year old and currently teaches middle school English in California. You can contact her at http://www.dianemierzwik.com.

Public education in the United States has never been equal for all students. It appears that those school districts located in wealthy communities have a bit more resources than those in poorer communities. Today more than ever, parents need to step up to the plate and learn how the educational system works. It is imperative that parents no longer leave the decisions made around the education of children solely in the hands of bureaucrats who likely have no children in the school district and/or may not even live in the community.

Below are ten things parents must do before enrolling their child in any school public or private.

1. Get a copy of your state’s academic standards. Academic standards are open and public statements detailing what all children should know and be able to do in each state. A typical writing standard, for example, states that all students should be able to pre-write, draft, edit and revise. Students progress through these stages to write, clear, coherent and focused paragraphs and essays. State standards should be available on your state’s website and may be divided by grade level or subject.

2. Schedule a time when your child’s teacher can review these standards with you.

3. Check your child’s homework and class work to see if it aligns with the state academic standards.

4. Ask the principal to hold a parent meeting to discuss the state academic standards and explain how standardized test evaluate what children are learning or not learning in alignment with state standards.

5. Beginning in 2005-06, all schools will measure student achievement yearly in reading and math in grades 3-8, and at least once during the high school years. Ask the teacher and principal if these tests will align with state standards.

6. Discuss with

your principal how you as a parent can assist your child in meeting or exceeding the state academic standards. Request that your principal use Title I Parent Involvement funds to offer training for parents interested in helping their children improve academically.

7. Parents will also want to know if teachers receive test results in a timely fashion so that they can be used to improve instruction.

8. What is your school district doing about test anxiety? One of the best ways to reduce test anxiety is to make sure students are well prepared with the concepts, skills and knowledge on which they will be tested.

9. Parent must contact their principal to find out how student achievement levels compare to other districts, and states, by subject and student group.

10. Parent must always contact their state legislator if they are not satisfied with school funding. You put them in office to work for you. It’s about time you now hold them accountable.

The reality is that parents are their child’s first teacher and if parents are stumbling through the educational maze they will not do a good job of making sure they are providing the best education possible for their child. Parents must know what questions to ask and what answers should be received. No longer can we rest on our laurels, work fifty or sixty hours a week and expect others to assure our student’s achievement. Knowledge is power, and that has never been more true than today.

Detra D. Davis is a writer and educational consultant with over 20 years of experience. Author of several e-books, email Detra at: detra_davis@supportingourchildren.com, or by mail: J. Davis & Associates, P. O. Box 4935, Cary, NC 27513-4935. To learn more visit: http://www.supportingourchildren.com

When planning a child birthday party, just a little bit of organisation will go a long way. A good selection of child party games will keep the group interested and the party running smoothly. Always keep in mind that during the course of the day the weather may turn against you so be prepared to move the party (and games) indoors if necessary!

Have an idea of how you would like the party to flow- a typical choice would be: some games or a party craft to start, a break for food and cake, and then some more games or free play to wind up the party. Depending on the location for your party it may be only indoor games or outdoor games that you need to focus on. Either way a mix of games with present opening and food dispersed between should maintain a good flow.

In selecting the child party games it is wise to have a few more games prepared than you think you will need. Some games may finish quickly or if the children are not showing interest, a couple of back-ups can save you from any embarrassment. Prepare all of the music, props and prizes before the party and make sure that you are clear on the rules. If you do not want to give out prizes after every game then choose games that do not have clear ‘winner’ and are less competitive.

A mix of active games, those that allow the children to wind-down, and perhaps a craft activity should be plenty for a party that is lasting roughly two hours. Two hours is generally long enough for kids aged from between 3 and 6 years old.

A party craft is often a good way to start a party, allowing the kids to mingle with each other while making a party hat, loot bag or something similar. Active games give them a chance to burn off some of that party excitement and some quieter, cool-down games can help to settle

kids who might have had a bit much red cordial!

Utilise other parents or older kids to help out with games if required. If younger children are attending then many of their parents will stay anyway and won’t mind acting as timekeeper or judge for a game. If you are preparing food and drinks and trying to run the games all on your own then you are going to be stretched to the limit, so ask for help if you feel you need it.

When selecting the actual party games keep in mind the ages of the children attending. Younger children prefer simple, short games, nothing that requires too much explaining or has numerous rules. Think of the games that you enjoyed at parties that you attended as a child. Traditional games like Pass the Parcel, Musical Chairs or quieter games like Charades or Dead Lions are all favourites that most kids understand and have played before. Many of these games can be renamed to suit the particular theme of your party, don’t feel like you have to reinvent the wheel

For older children you can be more adventurous with games and the party child will no doubt aid you in selecting games that he/she feels are appropriate to the theme of the party. If you have a mix of ages present be sure that the younger children are not being caught up in the boisterous activity of older children.

Whatever games you choose be flexible, and willing to improvise. Allow the children to set the pace in regards to the length of the games. If they are all enjoying a game then let it continue, if not move on. Remember that FUN is the aim of the day, if the kids see you relaxed and having fun then they will too!

The place to go for all your games needs for 0-6 year olds is Kids Fun and Games. Educational baby and toddler games, party games, crafts, indoor and outdoor games, festivals and more.

Kid party idea is the creator of all kid parties. Brainstorming kid party idea and kid party theme will be the most crucial stage of kid party planning and thus do it right at first time will win you half the battle.

Below are some tips for you to brain storm a kid party theme

Ask your child

It is so easy to get carried away with planning a kid party and completely overlook the needs and wants of your very own child. Therefore, employ your child as your consultant and plan the kid party with your child.

The easiest way is to ask your child what your kid want for his or her birthday party. Your child may announce that he want to bring his whole class to watch Spider man movie. If your budget does not allowed than you might asked him to choice three of his close buddies to go for the movie and follow by ice cream and brought a birthday cake home for the birthday song.

Always Plan the party with your child —- or at least —- with your child in mind. Thus employed your child as your consultant for brainstorming kid party idea and planning. You will have lot of fun with them in the process of planning and take this opportunity to communicate and understand your child better.

Hello ! My child is too young to make decision.

Yap! I heard you I didn’t forget those cute toddlers under the

age of 2 who might not be able to tell you what they want for their birthday parties.For this age of group they don’t have any expectation on their kid party but in general they are curious to anything that is colorful and attract to music. Brainstorming your kid party theme toward this direction and you will be on your right path.

If my child can’t decide and don’t know what he want for his birthday party

Observe what is your child favor?

Ask yourself the following questions.

1.What is your child favor TV show or movie?

E.g: Flintstone, lion king, spider man, etc…..

2. What is your child favor cartoon character?

E.g: Barney, Lion King, Mickey mouse etc…

3. What is your child favor story book?

E.g:Snow white, three little pigs

4. What is your child favor toy?

As a caring parent I am sure you will be able to answer the above questionsstraight away. These questions will evolve lot of kid party ideas for you.

Oops ! I have too many kid party ideas and don’t know which to choose

Don’t forget your consultant? Choice three kid party ideas and let your consultant choose one that he/she is most excited.

Guess you should have some ideas by now. Your kid party idea might have some themes couple with it. Take a look at our correction ofhttp://www.kid-party-idea.com/kid-party-theme.html

Guide to brain storm kid party idea, theme, kid party games and more… Parent that love to organise kid party ideas for kids.

From: http://www.kid-party-idea.com

As I sit here and reflect on the past two days and really the past two months, I am flooded with memories of the past and present. All of these thoughts run through my head and I feel so angry and resentful. Let me say I have been mad in the past few years but in complete honesty I haven’t been quite this angry and at this point I don’t know how to begin the healing process. I am back down that road of self- awareness and concern. See this is the thing, I become angry about my raw deal and the way I have been treated but then it doesn’t end there, this is what people don’t get about me. I get angry at those who hurt me but then I also turn around and become more angry with myself for not knowing better. I refuse to listen to that inner voice that usually carries me through every hardship in life, I push it to the side and then I think there is no way you can have all this anger and a relationship with God. That will usually get me through every thing I have to go through but this time I feel it penetrating to my soul.

I am angry at everyone. That brings me to memories of my mom. I sit here and rehash so many things from the past and then I think of my relationship with my mom. I am angry with my mom, can I say that again? I am angry with her. I am angry because I feel I have no relationship with her, and to be quite frank this was the start of this anger. I do know that. Now friends that are reading this, I know I should’ve come to you and told you these things but it was something I had to go through on my own this time, but I am willing to share with you now and a lot of you know the story behind this, though you weren’t aware of the extent of my feelings at this time.

My mom was a good mom growing up before my dad left. I mean we had some issues with boyfriends, hers, and other minor things back then and I held a grudge then and let it go later on. I think right now my problem isn’t with her in the past, my problem with her now is the present. Sometimes I feel very alone, this is one of those times, but yet in the back of my mind I know I am not because I have special, very special friends who help me through every thing and I mean everything, and they remind me every single day how much they care. My family is great but you have probably noticed I talk very little of them and talk a great deal about my friends.

Yes, I am angry with my mom. Why is the question. I am angry because my mom is not my mom. I mean she is more of a friend than a mother and always has been that, and I resent any motherly advice or comments. I feel if you wasn’t what I needed back then do not bother now. So she is my friend. I sit and write these articles because this is my therapy, if I didn’t write to get it out I would be a very miserable person, you thought I was going to say crazy didn’t you! See “So Now I Am Crazy & Psychotic”, great little article! Back to my mom.

You know my mom is now married has been for awhile, I mentioned it before. Her husband hates my brother and I., always has, he is one of those men who can not accept another man’s kids, but him and my mom fit perfectly because she can’t accept another woman’s, just ask my step sisters, they could tell you. My mom always chose men over her kids and that, to this day, is the most important thing to her.

Let me tell you why I am so angry. I am not aloud to visit my mom. No one in my family is especially my brother and I. My brother and my mom have virtually no relationship. I am not aloud to call on the weekends. I am not aloud to call in the evenings when he is home. When I am talking to her on the phone and he walks in, she has to go. This is her choice. He treats her like crap she takes it for whatever reason, money etc? He never says a word to my face and doesn’t acknowledge my existence other than to complain about me, and he has made comments about my kid which really sets me off. My mom has been there for me financially but emotionally no. I feel and expect her to take care of certain things because that is all she ever did, which now brings me to my next subject.

I am a bad mother. My biggest and greatest fear is that Dakota will one day walk up to me and say, I never really had much of a relationship with you, You did all these things to me and you were a horrible mom”. I think about this a lot. One thing I prided myself on was being a semi decent mom but now I am doubting that. I have been so angry lately and I know I have taken it out on him. I have yelled at him, I’ve lost my patience with him. I have even questioned him in regards to his dad, with him getting angry at me and walking away. I feel horrible about that but then I take a look back and see all the mistakes I have made along the way.

I can tell you

I am not the best mother in the world. I have argued in front of my son, I have been in physical confrontations in front of my son. I have called people names in front of him. I have watched shows on TV that were more than likely inappropriate for a kid to watch. I have told him I was going to send him to his dad’s to live before. I have said, quit being a baby. I have cussed in front of him. I have told him to shut up. Losing patience is the big one and yelling. I have talked about personal things on the phone in front of him. I could go on and on. I am a bad mother, but the worst thing I ever did was leaving him one time with his dad, to go to Arizona with no clue as to when I would return. I did come back a few days later but when I left I didn’t know how long I would be gone. I also have had to leave him with his dad when I had to move and had no where to go.

His life with me has been unstable to say the least. I am a bad mother. I have put my child second many times. I get angry with people and he gets the bad end of the deal when it comes to that. I am a bad mother. I have to say my ex husband has been Dakota’s consistent and constant. I guess he does have a reason to be angry with me. Dakota definitely does and I know in the future we will be having this conversation and I don’t know or have the tools to try to change it now. I have told him I am sorry for things after the fact. I have said that I am not a very good mom, and I have no excuses. I have none.

Dakota is such a blessing. He is the one I would live and die for, but you wouldn’t know it by my actions. He is a gift and I realized that long ago when he was born. He is a good kid but I have no idea why, it must have been his dad’s doing because I don’t think it was mine. This is not me feeling sorry for myself, this is me feeling sorry for him and others around me. I always think back at all my relationships and the significance of those and what I contributed good and bad. I always get to a point where I can let go. I always blame myself in part when they fail. I end up feeling like it is me, and maybe it is.

I can be closed off and even a loner other than my friends. I think I get that way with Dakota sometimes. I think I look at him and see this person that I love more than anything and anyone and think, as much as I love him, he will grow up one day and he will look at me the way others do, and I know I am not going to be good enough. He will turn his back on me and then I will have lost everything. I will be alone then. I know I do that and the kid is 7 yrs old, but I am already thinking he is one day going to leave me when he can. This pisses me off!

I do not have a right to treat my kid in any way but how a child should be treated with love, most importantly, he needs to be cared for, to know his parents and family love and support him that they will always be there backing him and leading him, always there to pick him up when he falls, and to always just be. I guess maybe I am selfish.

I apologize Dakota and I promise you son from this day forward I am going to do better, me doing my best which I thought was good enough just isn’t. I want the very best life for you I imaginable and it starting with your childhood.

I am so sorry for all the things I have done or haven’t done. I am sorry you had to go through any pain at all in your life but especially for the pain I have caused and if you come to me one day and tell me of the things I did that hurt, I will do all that is possible to take a step forward with you and to keep on treading that path. I will also do my best from here on out to fix what I have done and to not do what I shouldn’t.

You don’t know how important you are to me and if you do know it is ten times more so then that. I need you in my life. I always wanted you and I always will love you. You are a gift, a blessing, you are the world to me. I am so proud of you. I am so happy to have you in my life and you make my life worthwhile. My time spent with you is the best times ever. You make me laugh.

My life involving you has made me a better person and hopefully one day it will make me a better mother. I did my best but now I want more than that for you. I am so sorry. I do love you more than my own life and that love will never fade, never change, and you will never ever have to be second to anyone when it comes to me. You will never be an outsider and no one, not one person, would ever take your place in my heart. I love you more than words!

Vaughn Pascal

When my boys were growing up, soccer, football, and basketball kept us on the run. Both my husband (Jim’s a psychologist) and I were therapists. We helped others manage their lives yet our own lives were spinning out of control. We knew we needed to make face-to-face time with our boys. We wanted them to share our values, to learn how to solve people problems, and to have family fun together.

Worried about who’s influencing your kids? Are your family members too busy for each other? Do activities, television, and computers replace family time? If so, there is an answer.

We decided to start Family Meetings so we bought one of those books with empty pages. We scheduled our meetings the same time every week, right after Sunday breakfast.

Our youngest son, Brian, was only four when we started. I remember laughing to myself when his brother, Scott, age 8, got mad because Brian always chose the same thing “to make the family better.” “I’ll draw a picture for the refrigerator,” promised Brian. “That doesn’t make the

family better,” argued Scott. Brian kept on drawing pictures.

Over the years we found many ways “to make the family better:”

1. We played family games.

2. We planned family trips.

3. The boys promised to do their homework before playing.

4. Scott promised not to tease Brian.

5. Brian promised to clear the table right after dinner, etc.

Once we got started we felt a special closeness as we worked together. You will too. That’s why I created Character Building with the Family Meeting Diary.

Remember how Brian always drew pictures to “make the family better?” Brian’s an adult now. He still draws pictures. In fact, he designed my website. Be sure and take a peak. It’s listed below.

Subscribe to my Free parenting newsletter, Tips and Tools for Character Builders at http://KidsDiscuss.com

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I’m still smiling.

You’ll also find Character Building with the Family Meeting Diary at http://www.KidsDiscuss.com

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