Parenting resources

At age seven months in the womb, humans begin language coordination in response to what they hear through the mother’s belly wall. Some 52 muscles learn to respond to the various phonemes (a basic language sound like ‘b’ in boy and ‘m’ in man) of the language surrounding that belly. There are also studies showing that the emotional state of the parent imprints as do things like music and other environmental conditions. Nutrition, drug use and pollution spill right through directly to the fetus via the placenta and umbilical cord. Parenting begins way before the bassinet.

At eighteen months, the child has a brain 1/3 the size of an adult but the same number of neural connections. These connections are called synapses and relay information – outgoing from the nerve cell through axons, ingoing by way of dendrites. It is the number of connections of nerve cells that relates to intelligence, not the number of neurons.

As the brain grows, by age 6 we have about five times the neural connections we do as adults. These trillions upon trillions of connections are there waiting to be imprinted by the environment, parents and society. This is probably the reason, some 2000 years ago, the church started the sacraments at ages 6 or 7. (It is remarkable how so many ‘new’ scientific discoveries were anticipated by the intuitive traditions of, what we believe to be, unsophisticated minds of the past.) Beginning at about age 12, the fatty myelin sheath covering connecting neuronal tendrils not used, are literally dissolved, absorbed into the cerebrospinal fluid. Thus 80% of the neural brain mass present at age 6 is gone by age 14 as a result of disuse. Further belittling is the fact that of the remaining 20% of the brain, we only use 5%. That means, of our full potential, we only use about 1%! (For evolutionary materialists out there, please explain to me how something as complex as a brain – infinitely more complex than anything humans have ever invented – developed so that 80% of it could dissolve and 95% of what remains go unused.)

This ‘devolution’ of the brain applies to the neocortex, that big part of the brain with all the folds and grooves that humans are so proud of because that’s where all our smarts (are supposed to) come from. The more ‘primitive’ parts of the brain, the ‘reptilian’ brainstem and limbic systems responsible for stimulus-response sorts of actions and emotion-cognition, remain intact and do not experience this loss. In other words, our ability for ‘fight-flight’ (running from predators), self-awareness (me, I, look at me), sex (fun stuff and children hatching), eating (wouldn’t want to miss that) and road rage (essential in modern living) are never at risk, just our ability to be intelligent about all that base reptilian stuff is.

Nothing new here, right? Is it not clear which parts of the human brain are in full function today? Just watch a little television, listen to ‘with it’ music, go to some movies and pick up some of the tabloids at the grocery counter and you’ll see the human brain stem has suffered no melt-down. But that 3-pound blob on top of it, the seat of intelligence, is evidently just filling up space.

What is primarily responsible for making and holding neural connections is not what we can beat into our kids with rules, instructions and performance pressures, but what they experience around them. At least 95% of the imprinting a child receives, neither the child nor the parents are aware of. Who we are emotionally, ethically and intellectually at our core in our day-to-day routines as parents – not what we pretend or preach – is picked up by the child as its most important lessons and is then ‘neural connected.’ So telling a child to be something we are not doesn’t work. If we want better children, then we must be better people.

This also speaks to the importance of a loving and nurturing family nest. We learn love, in large part, by experiencing it. The erosion of the family in our libertine society thrusts the child into a peer group for imprinting. This begins with technological births in hospital wards, then continues with isolating infants in their

own bedrooms, pseudofood in bottles with nipples, television, day-care, broken homes and on to public schooling…you know, the ‘modern’ way to rear kids. The premature unfolding of development is accelerated through exposure to adult themes pressing in from everywhere in our society. Menstruation is beginning in 8-year-old girls (partly the result of hormone-type pollutants in food), there is an outbreak of pregnancies in 9-year-olds, and violent sex crimes among children under the age of 10 are becoming common. Children are being thrust into full operational adult thinking way before they are capable of handling it properly. That is why some 70% of teenagers are functionally illiterate: they may be able to learn, but cannot grant meaning. They have not been properly imprinted, don’t have sufficient life experience for context and don’t have the neural connections.

So yes, the home, family and parents are responsible for the development of children. On the other hand, there is a lot of nature involved too. Any parent raising a child into adulthood will see that the child at 40 is pretty much identical to the child in earliest infancy. So don’t be too quick to blame yourself for a child gone bad. Don’t spend your fortune in therapy either, whining about how your parents didn’t love you. We can lose important neural connections in childhood but once you realize who you are – very early in childhood – the ball is ultimately in your court. There are people with essentially no brain in their skull (compressed to a thin membrane from hydrocephalus) who excel intellectually and ethically. So, as an adult, buck up, take responsibility for yourself and make good use of the neural connections remaining. That’s in your court. You are not a victim.

But the present circumstances for children are a peculiar situation with no historical precedent. There is no solution other than for the adults to not be distracted by the veneer of civilization, its glamour of modernity, and its amoral and libertine pressures. Even though we are left with 1% of our mental potential, we can make a lot of good use of that. It means reaching inside for the goodness that is there in our hearts and extending that to our fellow humans. It means not following the conscience of others but learning what is already within and being true to it. Children don’t need money, videos, signature shoes and pressure for grades and sports performance. The inner needs of children don’t care about being raised in a pigpen so long as there is love. If that critical emotional relationship is not there, children will seek it in peers, including the perverted, money grubbing, media models. Then we have the ethically blind (other children, brainless idols and profiteering media) leading our blind children. This is the proper incubator for the adults of the future? What then, particularly when everyone has been indoctrinated into thinking they are victims and any failure in life is the fault of somebody else? What a formula for the collapse of society!

The answer is that greatest of all intelligences, love. That is not a platitude. Love requires an expansive and wise mind. Even with the puny 1% of our brain that we use, the capacity for love is infinite. In the end, what else really matters anyway? In the process, by being a person of goodness and reaching out in this way to others, we become the perfect model for the development of a loving and well-adjusted child. And hardly a word needs to be spoken in the process.

Dr. Wysong is a former veterinary clinician and surgeon, college instructor in human anatomy, physiology and the origin of life, inventor of numerous medical, surgical, nutritional, athletic and fitness products and devices, research director for the present company by his name and founder of the philanthropic Wysong Institute. He is author of The Creation-Evolution Controversy now in its eleventh printing, a new two volume set on philosophy for living, several books on nutrition, prevention and health for people and animals and over 15 years of monthly health newsletters. He may be contacted at Wysong@Wysong.net and a free subscription to his e-Health Letter is available at http://www.wysong.net

Fitness Tips – diet plan, exercises, weight loss and gain muscles latest information.

When my son was 18 (and had finished school), he moved into a flat with two of his mates. They were boys we’d known throughout his high school years and the flat was only ten minutes from home, but I cried for two weeks!

It just seemed to me that a major part of my life was over. When your kids are little, you assume that they’re always going to be around, leaving trails of Lego blocks all through the house and dirty rings around the bath-tub from all the mud they’ve accumulated while building cubby houses down the back yard.

But they’re not. They grow up and want to spread their wings and live their own lives.

WHEN YOUR CHILDREN LEAVE HOME

My son told me that the reason he wanted to move out, wasn’t because he didn’t love us or want to be with us. It was because we’d done such a good job raising him to be independent and confident.

I eventually saw the logic in that and it made me realize that our kids do listen to us. We’d spent the past 18 years encouraging him to march to the beat of his own drum and not to slavishly follow others, and now he was going to do just that.

WHEN THEY RETURN

Within six months, he asked if he could move back home — it was costing him more than he’d thought it would to live independently (we acted surprised), and since he was at university, he didn’t really have enough time to do his washing, shopping, housework AND study … (we acted surprised again).

NEW WAYS OF LIVING

However, we all knew that it wouldn’t work if he moved back and we tried to live as we’d done when he was at school. Besides which, his sister had appropriated his room the same day he moved out! She converted it into a pleasant little study-cum-sitting room for herself and wasn’t about to be evicted without a struggle.

Fortunately, we had a rumpus room at the far end of the house, which he turned into his domain. He had his own entrance and could come and go without disturbing us. He could also stay up as long as he liked without us telling him to turn out lights etc.

Basically, all the same rules applied, but the justification for them changed.

We had to accept the fact that he now made all the important decisions about his life, and we couldn’t treat him as a child. But he also accepted the fact that he owed us certain courtesies — he

always rang to let us know if he would be late home (so we wouldn’t worry and so we could organise meals). He let us know where he was going and who he’d be with (as a courtesy and in case we needed to pass on his whereabouts to friends who phoned).

He’s now 30 and married, and both he and his sister have moved in and out of home several times, according to the state of their finances, leases and overseas trips.

The secret to successful, stress-free living with adult children is all in the mind!

HAVE A LITTLE FAITH

Remember that you gave them all their values, beliefs and attitudes and put your trust in the way you’ve brought them up. You can’t afford to criticise the way they do things, (or their taste in music, clothes or friends). Put yourself in their place and remember how you feel when anyone scoffs at something you value, and bite your tongue before you make even a light-hearted comment about their latest CD or hairstyle.

PRACTICAL MATTERS

On a practical note, you should try to provide as much separate living space as you can. Somewhere where your star boarder can have his or her own music, TV, video, computer or whatever is vital. A comfortable chair for reading, a desk for students and enough storage space are also essential.

If you have a room with an ensuite bathroom, it’s probably worth giving that up, so that your child has that extra privacy. You and your spouse can go back to using the main bathroom and it will remove another source of potential conflict (criticizing the way the bathroom is left). Visitors will use the main bathroom and that’s the one you look after.

With just a bit of planning and co-operation, you can make living with your adult children a real pleasure for everyone.

If the spelling of words like “organise” worried you, please read this: http://www.write101.com/aus.htm

Jennifer Stewart has a degree in English and History and taught senior High School for over twenty years. During that time, she was Head of Department, responsible for devising and implementing teaching programs, and for supervising young teachers. After leaving full-time teaching, she wrote (and now markets) writing courses for students and adults who want to improve their writing skills. Visit her website at http://www.write101.com and subscribe to free, weekly Writing Tips: mailto:WritingTips-subscribe@yahoogroups.com

Jennifer also offers professional writing services – copy writing, editing and proof reading for your web pages, press releases, technical booklets, newsletters, business proposals, reports or any other writing projects.

How to be the enemy

1) Assuming – this is when you assume how your teen will act and then act according to your assumptions. The problem is this ignores the ability of teens to learn and grow.

2) Rescuing/Explaining – rescuing prevents them from experiencing the consequences of their behavior. Explaining prevents them from discovering the meaning of things for themselves. This is what could be going on when a teen says “Stop treating me like a two year old!”

3) Directing – Think about how you feel when your boss tells you how to do every little detail of a project that you already know how to do or could figure out for yourself. What happens to your motivation and sense of responsibility?

4) Expecting – This is different from having appropriate expectations. Expecting is setting too high a standard and then criticizing everything that falls below.

How to be a guide

1) Checking – This involves respecting a person enough to ask what their understanding of a situation may be. It’s “What do you think you will need for your trip” vs. “Now remember to take this and that and don’t forget the other thing!”

2) Exploring – We explore when we ask questions such as, “What was your understanding of when you

were to be home?” vs. “Do you know how late you are?!” (Of course they know!) Getting their understanding puts the responsibility on them and off of you.

3) Encouraging/Inviting – This sends the important message that we believe the child to be valuable and intelligent. It’s “What do you think.” vs. “This is how you should believe and think.” Asking “What’s your opinion?” can work wonders for self esteem and communication.

4) Celebrating – This can simply be noticing progress. In our performance based society, it’s easy to focus only on huge achievements. Communication is enhanced when we also celebrate what I call the “small successes.” This is “Good job, see what you can do.” vs. “Why didn’t you do this.” Having said all that, it’s important to emphasize that the parents are the ones who need to be in charge. It’s simply a matter of being in charge in a manner that builds barriers or in a manner that builds bridges.

Visit ParentingYourTeenager.com for tips and tools for thriving during the teen years. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 5 day e-program on The Top 5 Things to Never Say to Your Teenager, from parenting coach and expert Jeff Herring.

“Do not think that love, in order to be genuine, has to be extraordinary. What we need is to love without getting tired.” –Mother Theresa

‘Twas one of those days when my husband left promising to return home a little early, and to bring with him a pizza.

I had started the day, even, in one of those relatively rare but still very real moods in which the best I was going to be able to do in my role as a stay-at-home mom would be to fake a smile and turn my back, when necessary, to count to ten.

It was on this particular day that the girls and I were heading to a distant store to pick out just the right gift for someone. My 3-year-old, who is much less adept (thankfully) at reading her mommy’s moods than her daddy is, was passing the time by speaking every thought that occurred to her. Right now, those thoughts revolved around the time of day.

“If you get up early enough, it’s night,” she announced.

“Callie gets earbubble,” (that would be “irritable”) “right before her nap.”

“Daddy comes home when it gets dark.”

I answered yes to all of these things, only half-listening. Then, making conversation in the distracted way I do on days like this, I sputtered a question: “What’s your favorite time of the day?”

Silence. Had I stumped her?

“What did you ask me, mommy?”

So I repeated the question. “What’s your favorite time of the day?”

Silence again.

I looked in the rear view mirror. Her blank stare told me she thought my question was absurd. After a time, she answered:

“This one.”

Now Cassie does enjoy a good long car ride, so I asked her the question again as she was getting ready for bed that night:

“Cassie, what’s your favorite time of day?”

The answer was the same: “This one.”

Ah. This one. And so should it be for me. How I wish it were. How I wish I could recognize the peace and joy in every single moment with my kids.

You see, my daughter is better than me at something I long to be good at. It’s what Richard Foster, author of Prayer: Finding the Heart’s True Home, calls the Prayer of the Ordinary.

“We are Praying the Ordinary,” he writes, “when we see God in the ordinary experiences of life. Can we find meaning in the crayon marks on the wall made by the kids? Are they somehow the finger of God writing on the wall of our hearts?” In the same chapter, he writes: “It is in the everyday and the commonplace that we learn patience, acceptance, and contentment.”

That, I’m sure, is true. Particularly that patience part.

My fear is that, like everyone with adult children tells me, the time will go too quickly, I fear that I’ll wish for it back, even those mealtimes interrupted by the whisper “Mommy, I pooped.” Even those whines for another Go-gurt. Even the stray Legos I nail with my bare feet. I fear that I’ll soon pine for all the time I’ve ever wished away.

And yet, though I’m infinitely conscious of trying to freeze those moments the good and the bad in my memory for some distant future, it’s hard. It’s hard to see Foster’s crayon marks on the wall as anything but crayon marks. Crayon marks that I will have to scrub.

I’m experiencing a crayon mark of sorts right now. As I jot notes for this column at the kitchen table, my 3-year old is sitting on my lap, trying to push my pen along the page with her Three Little Pigs book. She has just dragged her grape lollipop through my hair and wiped her nose on my sleeve. “Mommy, make your pen go ALL the way along the page,” she orders, scooting it along and making my thoughts an illegible mess of ink.

For a moment, I have an unbecoming and out-of-the-blue urge to chuck her beloved book across the room.

And it is precisely times like these when I need to indeed see

the crayon marks as something left by the finger of God. To feel a sense of reverence for my every moment of my life as a mom. To once again find meaning and glory in my daughter’s cherubic yet filthy face.

But for this, I need some kind of tool, some trick for the heat of the moment. A trick to bring myself back in an instant to the kind of mother I long to be, the kind of mother I sometimes know myself to be, and the kind of mother I want my daughters to remember me to be.

At this moment, I have a little talk with myself. My daugher and and I end up tucking our feet under a blanket on the couch and reading the very book that I wanted to hurl. And I enjoy it. I always do if can just sink into the moment and remember what a little miracle I have here on my lap.

Perhaps that tool, then, is surrender.

Or maybe it’s distraction. The same trick that all moms learn when their youngest is about 18 months old. When Cassie was that age, and she’d get angry and frustrated, distraction worked wonders. When she was 2 ½, distraction worked wonders on MY anger and frustration. Sometimes, the best tool for me is to change my scenery–to get my mind on something else.

Perhaps that tool is compassion. Compassion for our children and a conscious understanding of what they must be feeling at certain times in their precious and sometimes bewildering lives.

And compassion to ourselves, which we can show by not over-scheduling our lives to the point where it’s impossible to get down on the floor and play for 20 minutes, if that’s what it takes. Or to call your own mommy just to chat for 20 minutes, if that’s what it takes.

Perhaps that tool lies in the realization that our lives are long and full and that there will be plenty of time to do what we need to do when we no longer have little ones pulling on our pant legs.

Perhaps it is the tool of single-tasking. So we don’t feel distracted all the time. This is the tool that involves downshifting out of overdrive, because it’s in overdrive that we talk too much, eat too much, think too much. Enjoy too little.

Perhaps it is the tool of shifting your awareness. A conscious committing to memory of the ripe physical sensations of motherhood: The feel of your baby’s marvelous, heavy head on your chest. The smell of Cheerios on her breath. This is how we bring ourselves back–gently–to the gifts that are under our fingers and, oftentimes, directly underfoot.

Perhaps it is the tool of solitude. So that, by enjoying the pursuit of something, solo, we may return to them renewed–and without resentment.

Perhaps it is the tool of being honest and talking it out with other moms. It helps me to remember that we’re all in this together. Most days we are genuinely loving it. Some days we are genuinely faking it, just as generations of good moms before us have done.

There is a certain solace in this story told by my mother-in-law, whose three grown children would describe an ideal, involved, committed, and very loving mother. There were days, she says, when her face hurt at the end of the day from smiling. A clear and present sign that her smile was, for days at a time, forced.

But her kids didn’t know. With grace, neither will mine. And tomorrow will be a different kind of a day, with new tools to look upon those crayon marks with the reverence they deserve.

Susie Cortright is the founder of http://www.momscape.com – an online magazine devoted to helping parents celebrate life with children. She is also the creator of Momscape’s Scrapbooking Playground: http://www.momscape.com/scrapbooking Visit her site today to subscribe to Susie’s free weekly newsletters and to learn more about her scrapbook club and her work-at-home scrapbooking business.

Cartier Love Ring

Do you have ADHD? Are you a mom? Does one or more of your children have ADHD? I just want to give you a hug and say, “You poor thing. I know exactly how you feel.” I know about the teachers sending notes home that your ADHD child didn’t return a paper because you forgot to sign it. I know about missing important deadlines, like signing your ADHD child up for the Gifted and Talented program, because you forgot to check his backpack. I know about the non-ADHD child saying, “Mom, you forgot to pack our lunches–AGAIN.”

I know. I know what it’s like to be an ADHD mom of an ADHD child. I know. And I’m sorry you have to go through it.

But I’m glad for your child, because he or she has the best possible combination of parenting traits–someone who loves him because he is, and someone who knows exactly what it’s like to be an ADHD kid.

As someone who knows what it’s like to raise an ADHD child while trying to remember to tie my own shoes before I walk out the door in the morning (or even to put them on–I once drove to the bus stop barefoot!), I can tell you, you’re doing a good job.

How do I know? Two reasons. First, you’re reading an article about ADHD instead of the latest fashion trends. You’re trying. Second, I know that people with ADHD are incredibly hard-working, bright and creative, not necessarily in that order. I know that we make excellent parents because we’re able to see what’s really going on. And I know you’re a great mom because of your ADHD and not in spite of it.

I want to tell you a story. It’s short, and it has everything to do with being an ADHD mom of an ADHD child, in my case a son.

When Jack was about six, I took him

to a counselor. She was chatting with him and he mentioned a movie he’d just seen, Rug Rats All Growed Up. Samara asked my brilliant ADHD son “How did the characters change when they were grown up?” Jack proceeded to tell her exactly how they went forward in time by turning a tape player into a time machine. Samara looked confused, but with my own ADHD, I followed every twist and turn of logic. I said, “You wanted to know how they were different. What you asked was how they changed, and that’s what he’s telling you.” And of course it was. My ADHD brain understood his ADHD brain, where the counselor, though well-trained and very good at her job, just couldn’t keep up with us.

That night in my bathtub I realized my role in life. As an ADHD mom of an ADHD son, my job is to serve as his liaison to the world, until he’s learned enough about living with ADHD to be his own liaison. And the way he’ll learn about the world through ADHD-tinted glasses is by my tutelage.

So give yourself a break. No, he may not return his report card the next day, because you put it in the refrigerator instead of his backpack. She may have to borrow lunch money from the office–every other day. But you’re the mom, and you’re doing a great job. Pat yourself on the back if they have on two of their own shoes that match. ADHD is no picnic, for parents or kids. You’ve got a double headache. I won’t tell you to make lemons out of lemonade, but I will tell you, it’s okay. It will all be okay.

Angie Dixon is a writer and ADHD mom of an ADHD son, Jack. For a free report on helping your ADHD son, see Angie’s site “That’s My Son!” at http://www.Raising-the-ADHD-boy.com

First and foremost, make sure you have a comfortable, clean place to relax so that you can pump at work. It would be ideal if there was a place to sit and a sink. If not, there are still several things you can do to make sure you keep up your milk supply.

If you do not have the luxury of a pumping room at work for privacy you can use a blanket or a guard to cover up. Many stores make fashionable robes to cover your chest while you nurse or pump. They are widely available and some even have pockets and tie around your neck so that your hands can be free to hold the pump.

Another helpful tool would be a hands free pumping bra. These can be purchased at nursing stores or you can make the homemade version, by taking an old sports bra and cutting two slits in each side. That way the pump stays attached to your breast and your hands are free.

Having

a sink is ideal to rise your bottle components, but if not, take a package of wipes in your bag so that you are able to clean them completely to prevent molding. Please remember to let your electric pump continue to run after you have finished to prevent moisture build up in the hoses.

After you have pumped, rinsed you bottles and begin to clean up, it is important to store your milk properly. If you plan to reuse your pump at work the same day, you may want to pour your milk into a Playtex Ziploc baggie and write the date on it. Avent also makes small, durable and reusable milk storage containers that are easy to transport. Whatever you store your milk in, make sure to put it directly in to a freezer or refrigerator until you get home.

Breast Pump Review offers reviews and ratings on all the latest breast pumps, plus information about breast feeding for new mothers. Visit http://www.Breast-Pump-Review.com

Are you trying to cope with a troubled teen? Most teenagers go through a difficult period, it’s part of becoming independent, but when their behavior becomes anti-social, their schooling is suffering or they seem unduly depressed, then you should think about taking action. If your troubled teen seems depressed and lacking self motivation, but is unwilling to talk to you, then they may need counselling.

An out of control teen also needs to be given the opportunity to discuss any issues they may have before more drastic measures are taken, such a school for troubled teens, a boot camp or a troubled teen program. As parents, none of us are perfect and you may have to examine how you are disciplining your teen, to see if it is consistent and appropriate. It is not an easy to remain calm and rational when dealing with a troubled teen whose behaviour seems totally irrational, but that is what you must do. All families need a set of rules and values that should be adhered to, if the rules are broken, the punishment must be consistent.

Firstly you need to look at your teen’s behaviour and examine the form that it is taking. Are they out of control at home but performing well at school and not getting into trouble with the law? If that is the case, then you should be looking at the rules of behaviour you have set, to see whether you are being consistent in punishment when those rules are broken. Children of any age will push

boundaries if they think they can get away with it. If they know you are soft but school is tough, they will act accordingly.

If your troubled teen is having problems at school, whether it is falling grades, truancy or getting expelled, obviously the first thing to do is try to find the cause and a possible solution before you need to resort to more drastic measures, such as a boarding school for troubled teens, a boot camp or a troubled teen program.

A depressed teen needs help urgently before the situation worsens. Even if your teen is willing to talk to you, they may not fully understand why they are feeling as they do. If you are unable to resolve the problem, speak to your physician. He or she may advise on a professional who knows how to find the root cause.

Most parents will tell you how awful the teen years are, but fortunately most troubled teens develop into well adjusted adults. If there is a real problem, the sooner you intervene with the right guiding hand, the better their chances.

This article is for information only. You should always consult your doctor before commencing any treatment and no liability is accepted.

Margaret Tye runs the FromTots2Teens website that offers information on supplies for children of all ages as well as advice on health and other child and teenage related problems. You are welcome to use this article as long as the author is acknowledged and the article is linked back toFrom Tots 2 Teens.

Nannies as a known fact are skilled professionals for taking good care of children. It’s quite common that the most experienced nannies even do not find ideas about what to do during the long summer holidays. Many nannies as their daily routines take the children for walk wherein the children play in the parks. But sometimes it does become a question mark as to what has to be done on the rainy days, winter season wherein the nannies and the children can play the indoor games to an extent. This article provides you with a list of ideas which would be of help to the nannies during those odd days and these ideas will not require much of the preparation too.

Library:

Libraries are an innate source of knowledge for everyone and for children especially the libraries should always be kept as a first option for time pass. It is a known fact that the libraries will not be places that would be much preferred by the kids but it is one of toughest duties of the nannies to inculcate the habit of reading among the kids. The nannies can inculcate reading habit by story telling, asking the children to write a story. The nannies can even show them puppet shows which would be of great interest to the children, and thus the ultimate objective also would be fulfilled as the message would be conveyed to the kids. Another benefit which the libraries offer is that even if the trip to a library does not require any planning as it is an extremely good source for books. Further the

kids do possess interest in some or the other areas, libraries offer you this unique opportunity of tracking down the area of interest of the kid. So the next task what the nannies have to indulge is that ask the parents to become a member of a local library incase they are not.

Utilize the club memberships:

Always make use of the local club memberships the family has. Parents should provide this chance for the nannies to ask the nanny to drop in along with the kid to the club in which they have membership. There would be some or the other classes going on in the clubs, it could be swimming classes, sports training wherein your kid might be interested. Although it must be kept in mind that the nannies should not just drop off and leave but as long as the kid is in the premise of the leisure centre the nanny must be an observant even if the kid is technically involved in some other thing.

These two options provide you with potential benefits and both options above all help in the development of the kid, it is quite essential during the summer holidays the kids should be involved in some or the other kind of the activities other wise the kids would simply indulge themselves in watching cartoons on the television.

John is an expert author, who is presently working on the site Nanny, live in nanny,

Babysitters. He has written many articles in various opics.

For more information about Nannies, live out nanny.Visit our site

party helpers.Contact him at noblenanny.john@gmail.com

Who has more fear about heading back to school, you or your child? If we’re honest with this question, we find that as parents we become overwhelmed at many different levels. “Will my child’s teacher(s) understand him or simply react to him?” “How can I get the school to see my child as a traumatized child, not a defiant child?” “How am I going to maintain my work if the school keeps calling me like they did last year?” “What are the afternoons going to be like once homework starts up again…Oh, goodness!”

This article presents four effective strategies discussed that you can use when working to help your child have the best educational experience possible.These include the following:

1. Be an advocate for you child

2. Understand the difficulty of transitions

3. Respond instead of react to the child

4. Create a stress­free classroom

As I was browsing the Internet looking for other ideas that might be incorporated into this list above, I was struck at the nature of the information available on parenting websites. Back­to­school tips included setting your child’s clothes out the night before, sending your child off to school with a good breakfast, finding a bedtime that allows your child enough sleep, and reassuring your child that his teacher will support him. While these tips would be effective for many children, I know the reality that parents raising children with trauma histories would express. “I did set her clothes out the night before but she got up in the middle of night and cut them up with scissors” or “I made a complete and balanced breakfast but when my child came into the kitchen he melted down, kicking the furniture and throwing things because he wanted cookies instead” or “I have a bedtime set but my child can’t even begin to settle down at this hour of the evening.” And the ultimate statement, “I can’t reassure my child that her teacher will work with her because her teacher does nothing but focus on the negative behaviors of my child and is resistant to understanding my child’s sensitivity to stress.”

Website after website on the Internet offers simple parenting tips, yet for children with difficult and severe behaviors, theses tips prove transparent and ineffective. The reason for this is because these tips do not address the core issue underlying severe behaviors­­fear. Parenting children with trauma histories requires parents to move to a higher level of parenting and to live at a higher level of consciousness.

1) Be an advocate for your child.

It takes courage to advocate for your child. Fears of being an “overbearing” or “overly­sensitive” parent can be part of the equation. Coming up against a panel of teachers and administrators who stand strong in what they believe can be intimidating. We also fear getting involved and exposing our child’s sensitivities for fear of having our child labeled from the start.

While these fears are valid, the act of advocating for your child is preventive, proactive and can save your child having a negative educational experience. The reality is that your child does have some special needs and he has a right to be understood. Your responsibility as a parent allows you to then approach the school system, staying confident and positive to say, “My child needs to be understood. My child has certain areas where he gets stressed­out and overwhelmed. He needs us, as a team, to do what we can to prevent a negative experience for him and as we do this, it will allow him to be a success in school. The more positive experiences my child has in the learning environment, the more equipped he will become to handle stress in the future. I’m asking for your help in doing this.”

2) Understand the difficulty of transitions.

Parents and professionals have a tendency to underestimate the difficulty children with trauma histories have when it comes to transitioning. Transitioning means change and it can mean unpredictability—two items that create tremendous fear in children (and many adults for that matter). Foster children and adopted children, by the nature of this characteristic, have transitional trauma. At one point in their lives (if not many more), they were removed from an environment to which they never returned. Many children have memories of going to school and never coming back home. This can easily explain a child’s resistance to getting up in the morning and leaving the home for school. No amount of reassurance from the parent at the cognitive level can overpower this trauma.

If parents can recognize this

fear, even the night before school, they have the opportunity to address this fear when there is less stress in the home. The parent can acknowledge the fear by saying,

“It can be really scary and difficult leaving the house in the morning. I never realized that last year and I want to be able to help you this year. If I had been taken away at school when I was six years old like you and taken to a new home, I’d be so scared, too. It may actually still feel like you’re not coming home even now that you’re in middle school. I’m here this year to help you through this and to support you, son.”

Bringing these fears up to the conscious level, honoring them, and validating them, can help a child process through these previous traumatic events. As these memories are processed and understood with the parent, they no longer have the ability to drive the child into a state of complete defiance and resistance.

3) Respond instead of react to your child’s behaviors.

Love is a conscious and intentional response; fear is a confused and distorted reaction. It becomes difficult when dealing with school issues to stay mindful enough when our child brings home a low grade to stay in this place of love and responsiveness.

Being able to respond to a child in the classroom can shift a potentially chaotic experience into one that is calm and regulated. Responsive techniques include “Time­In,” using non­verbal communication, using gentle and friendly touch, using indirect eye contact when direct eye contact is too stimulating, not demanding an explanation of a negative behavior in the moment, providing understanding, and working to regulate as the adult in the classroom.

4) Reduce stress at school.

In addition to the four tips listed above, there are several other very simple strategies that can help children who become easily overwhelmed at school. These strategies take just a small amount of extra time for teachers; it just takes understanding and staying mindful. The investment in implementing these strategies can be profound for the overall experience not only for the child, but for the entire class. Here they are listed below:

1. Assign a teacher who is calm, regulated, and who is willing to stay attuned to child’s needs.

2. Have the child sit next to the teacher or in the front of the classroom.

3. Remove distracting objects from the child’s desk.

4. Stay focused on the process when giving the child a directive, not the outcome. This requires staying relationship focused.

5. Keep the child close to an adult when transitioning from one activity to another.

6. Provide a “Safe Place” within the classroom such as a reading corner where the child can go when he feels overwhelmed.

7. Avoid singling the child out in front of peers; be mindful not to create an experience of rejection (a deep issue for children with trauma histories).

8. Allow the child to wear a locket or carry a picture (or another familiar reminder of his family) that he can use to ground himself when feeling scared or alone.

9. If recess time becomes too stimulating and overwhelming, it may be more beneficial for the child to have quiet time in the library or with the teacher in order to calm his nervous system.

10. If lunchtime is difficult, have the child eat next to an adult or in the classroom. The school cafeteria can be over stimulating and can also be a social challenge for many children (and adults for that matter!).

11. Have the teacher (or parent) breakdown assignments into smaller parts. Instead of an entire project due in one month, perhaps intermediate deadlines can be established to break the project into smaller parts. You wouldn’t eat an entire pizza in one bite! So, break it down into manageable slices.

Keep pressing on. Your children are worth it. And keep trusting that as you stay focused on your relationship with your children, being flexible and supportive with their school work, they will be more equipped to learn, more motivated to accomplish, and most importantly, happier in their well­being!

Heather Forbes, LCSW, is the cofounder of the Beyond Consequences Institute. Ms. Forbes has been training in the field of trauma and attachment since 1999. See her website for more information on parenting.

Computers have become an important part of our everyday lives and will be even more in the future. Knowledge about computers might become as important to elementary school children as reading and writing.

There has been a lot of debate whether computers should be used with younger children. Some educators doubt the value of modern technology with younger kids. But some researchers have found lot of positive learning benefits with the use of computers in younger kids, especially when an adult supervisor is involved. Positive impact has also been found on children with disabilities or special needs. It has been said that “Technology can change the way children think and learn.”

Children are great “thinkers”. Their rapidly growing brains are assimilating a lot of knowledge from their surroundings. Lot of data is analyzed and stored in the memory cells. Positive play experiences, visual and auditory stimuli give a big boost to this process.

For example; I was pleasantly surprised one day when I saw my 2and half year old twin girls playing with their toy fishes. They were holding a couple of dolphins, making jumping movements with their hands and dolphin sounds with their mouth at the same time. They were pretending that the dolphins are playing in the water. Then they picked up a whale which started talking to the dolphins. They made whale sounds with some “clicks” and “tweets”. Being a mother I was fascinated and of course very proud. I learned later that they were looking at the Encyclopedia with their dad, on the earlier day and had repeatedly watched the sound clips and little video clips.

Explore, create and learn while having fun. That is a child’s life. Playing is a lot more to children then just having fun. As children play, they learn about themselves and

their surrounding environment. They learn social skills, learn to solve problems and also develop their motor skills. Playing enhances their creativity and imagination.

These days wonderful computer based educational games and activities are available in the market for children. There are excellent websites on the internet, which provide information and educational games for children. Parents and caregivers should find play activities fit for their children. They should be challenging, but not frustrating or overwhelming. Parents are their child’s first playmates. Children enjoy a game lot more when a parent or family member is involved in the play.

Should children surf on the internet? It is “information super-highway.” It has its own benefits and risks. Children using internet without supervision is a risk, but with a knowledgeable and responsible adult it could bring lot of benefits. It is just like driving a car and riding a car. Children can safely ride and enjoy the information super highway while a responsible adult is in the driver’s seat.

Of course there should be a limit on how much time children can spend on the computer. As a general guideline the rules can be similar to those used for viewing TV. Anything done in excess can be harmful. Consumption of too many vitamin tablets in a day can also be harmful.

Dr. Kanchan Bodas is a caring parent and editor of Springboard Magazine. http://www.springboardmagazine.com is an online educational magazine for children 3-9 years of age. Visit the site for lots of fun educational games to learn math and language, science experiments and essays, stories with audio, art and craft projects, coloring pages, general knowledge and much more. The format is easy to use and designed to stimulate creativity and learning in children. The magazine is free. Past issues are archived in a database.