Parenting resources

ADHD comes in differenty forms, or types. What has become known as “classic ADHD” is characterized by Inattention, Impulsivity, Hyperactivity, Restlessness, and Disorganization. This type of ADHD reminds us of Tigger from the Winnie the Pooh stories. Dr. Daniel Amen refers to this type of ADHD as “Classic ADHD” for good reasons. When you think about someone who has Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, this is the classic picture that you think of.

Those with this type of ADHD are often seen as being easily distracted away from doing important things by unimportant things around them. They have a LOT of energy, and perhaps are Hyperactive. They often can’t sit still very long, and can be very figety. They are also people who can talk a lot, and they can be loud when they talk. They are often very impulsive, do not think before they act. As children they have trouble waiting their turn in line, or waiting for their turn in games.

Tigger Type ADHD results from UNDERACTIVITY in the Prefrontal Cortex, both when at rest, and when performing concentration tasks. This type of ADHD is most often seen in males.

Treatment Strategies for “Classic ADHD”

We recommend our Eating Program to start with. You can find our eating program at爐he

ADHD Information Library.燱e believe that it is important to use the eating program even if you are using other interventions, such as medications, biofeedback training, or a combination of the nutraceuticals Attend, Extress, and Memorin.

We also recommend at least a 30 to 60 day trial with these nutraceuticals…

ATTEND for ADHD symptoms; EXTRESS for symptoms of impulsivity, temper, restlessness; MEMORIN for increased focus and concentration to task.

The ATTEND contains L-Tyrosine, which increases dopamine production. ATTEND also contains GABA, DL-Phenylalyne, Ginko, Pycnogenol and Grape Seed Extracts, 5-HTP, pregnenolone, DMAE, and more. See the ATTEND ingredients list here. The EXTRESS contains GABA, DL-PA, 5-HTP, and St. John’s Wort. The MEMORIN contains more ginko, plus lots of Phosphatidyl Serine and other phosphatidyls, and more pregnenolone.

Douglas Cowan, Psy.D., is a family therapist who has been working with ADHD children and their families since 1986. He is the clinical director of the ADHD Information Library’s family of seven web sites, including http://www.newideas.net, helping over 350,000 parents and teachers learn more about ADHD each year. Dr. Cowan also serves on the Medical Advisory Board of VAXA International of Tampa, FL., is President of the Board of Directors for KAXL 88.3 FM in central California, and is President of NewIdeas.net Incorporated.

Do numbers and statistics speak to you? How about these? A child from a fatherless home is:

* Five times more likely to commit suicide

* Thirty-two times more likely to run away

* Twenty times more likely to have behavioral disorders

* Fourteen times more likely to commit rape (this applies to boys)

* Nine times more likely to drop out of high school

* Ten times more likely to abuse chemical substances

* Nine times more likely to end up in a state-operated or charitable institution

* Twenty times more like to end up in prison for a long period of time

Are you not outraged by those statistics? Do you understand the consequences of these numbers?

FIVE times more likely to commit suicide!

FOURTEEN times more likely to commit rape! RAPE for God’s sake!

Next time you go to your kid’s school, look around the room. How many of those children are in a home without a father? These are your next generation of murderers, rapists, indigents, mentally unstable and emotionally dangerous adults.

I’m not trying to scare you, but we just can’t afford to ignore the consequences of Absentee Fathers any longer.

The solution is so apparent ù teach boys and young men to be nurturing, affectionate and supportive fathers. Then give them tools to make that happen.

Jeez, this seems too easy. . .and, of course, it is. The problem is not the next generation of fathers, but the current crop.

Boys and young men will learn from their own fathers how to be fathers. Often, they are the worst teachers. So, the vicious cycle continues and the problem gets worse unless. . .

We admit that ignorance is the culprit.

Nobody sets out to be an Absentee Dad. But Dads do only what

they know how to do. Being male no more makes you qualified to be a father than owning a piano makes you a pianist.

Training, practice, hard work, and support are required.

So many fathers are turning to the Internet to find support. And it’s a great resource. Check out sites like Armin Brott’s Mr.Dad at http://www.MrDad.com. Or, if you’re a stay-at-home dad, look at http://www.Slowlane.com to find friendly support.

Find a coach. Locally, you’ll find psychologists and behaviorists who are qualified parenting coaches. Online, check out Mark Brandenburg at http://www.MarkBrandenburg.com. Don’t make the mistake of believing that because you’ve got a kid, you know how to parent him. That’s just hubris of the most dangerous kind.

Dad not only nurtures the personality of the child but also the development of the child’s self-confidence and self-esteem.

The cause of psychological abnormalities or disorders in children like low self-esteem is mostly a result of the absence of fathers in their lives according to studies. It’s up to you to get the training.

We have to take a test to drive on the highways, but none is required to raise our children! Surely, there’s more we can do.

Who Else Wants to Learn the 10 Simple Keys To Saving The Most Important Relationships In Your Life?

Download Bad Dad: 10 Keys to Regaining Trust today at http://www.Bad-Dad.com/eza3.htm

Change your life and the world one child at a time.

Copyright (C) 2006, Maximize Communications, Inc. All Rights Reserved

*****************************************************

Download free reports on child development and a Free Preview of the ebook

Bad Dad: 10 Keys to Regaining Trust:

Put a little Peace in your daily world. Everyone wants World Peace. Today’s a good day to start! Visit World Wanting Peace: http://www.WorldWantingPeace.com/eza.htm

We all know that using cloth nappies is best for the environment and for our baby’s health (not to mention our pockets) but just how easy are they to use?

Here are answers to some common questions to help get you started.Are cloth nappies easy to use?

The short answer, is YES. The more useful response is to answer some common questions about real nappies.

What do I do at change time?

If the nappy is simply wet, all you need to do is take it off, throw the liner away (if disposable) and put the nappy and reusable liner in your nappy bucket instead of the bin.

If the nappy is dirty, the poo can be flushed away down the loo (far more hygienic than putting it in the bin) and the nappy put in the bucket.

Liquid poo can be washed off by holding the nappy under the flush of the loo before being dealt with in your normal way.

Are they difficult to put on?

Not at all. Shaped nappies or all-in-ones are the easiest to use and require no folding – simply put them on just as you would a disposable. Flat or terry nappies do need to be folded but the fantastic invention of the Nappi Nippa means that you don’t have to use a pin.

Will I have to do lots of washing?

All families have lots of washing, so to add in a few nappies isn’t really that much extra work. When you are ready to do a normal wash, simply take the nappies out of the bucket and put them in the washing machine, it is as simple as that.

Putting nappies into a modern machine with its fast spin is a far cry from having to put them through the twin tub and mangle that your mother may have used.Nappies can be washed at 60c and some people even use 40c with the odd hotter wash to keep the stains at bay.

The best way to dry nappies is on the line with the rest of your washing (or on a radiator during the winter) but I like to fluff them by putting them in the dryer for 10 mins with the bath towels after taking them off the line.

Will I get dirty putting them in the washing machine?

No. The poo will have been disposed of, so you are only dealing with a little wee. If you wet pail (see below) you can use a mesh bag to store the nappies in, so you just need to pick that up and put it in the machine. Dry pailing is even easier to do.

What is “pailing”?

Basically, storing used nappies in a bucket. Wet pailing involves putting the nappies into a solution of water and nappy soak or similar or just plain water.

Dry pailing is very easy – simply drop the used nappy into the bucket and replace the lid.

Will my house smell?

Only if you leave lots of dirty nappies hanging around for days. Just think

of how your bin smells with a couple day’s worth of dirty disposables in it. With real nappies, the poo is flushed down the loo straight away, so you won’t suffer from this problem. If you like, you can put a few drops of essential oil on a cloth that you keep on the top of the bucket to help with any smells.

Won’t all the washing powders harm the environment?

Yes and no. Yes to the extent that all detergents cause some damage (this can be limited by using non-bio or eco-friendly products) but no to the extent that this is still much better than using disposable nappies.Will I have to change more nappies?Not really. Guidelines state that you should change your baby’s nappy every 4 hours during the day (more often for new borns), so this remains the same.

Won’t my baby get nappy rash?

Nappy rash is caused by bacteria in the poo reacting to the ammonia in wee. The best way to stop nappy rash is to change frequently (every 4 hours or so) and allow fresh air to get to the nappy area.

The lock away core in disposable nappies encourages parents to change less often and their very design prevents air from circulating. Most designs of real nappy are breathable, allowing air to circulate, resulting in a healthier bottom.

Will they leak?

Not if they fit properly. A well fitting cloth nappy with wrap if appropriate is no more likely to leak than a disposable. It is a good idea to try a few sample kits to make sure you buy the right nappy for your baby.

What about overnight?

It is perfectly possible to use cloth nappies overnight, maybe with the addition of a cloth booster pad. Other parents opt for an eco-disposable overnight.

What if I go out for the day?

Many parents use real nappies even when they go out and just take a slightly bigger bag with them. Others have a stock of eco-disposables to use for day trips or when they go away.

What is a nappy laundry services?

A nappy laundry service will provide you with a set of nappies and collect and wash the dirty nappies. A real boon if you are pushed for time but can be a little more expensive than washing your own.

Will I really save money?

Yes. Figures vary, but you should expect to save over £500 for the first child in cloth nappies, plus you get to use them again for subsequent children. Also, there is a thriving market in second hand nappies, so you could even recoup some of the initial set up costs.

Are they really better?

Certainly! Cloth nappies help prevent nappy rash, aid walking and early potty training and are much better for the environment. What are you waiting for?

Arabella Greatorex is the owner of http://www.naturalnursery.co.uk, an online store selling organic and fairly traded products for families including organic clothing and nappies, fairly traded toys and natural toiletries.

Best friends! It may seem impossible to believe, but today’s teens do want to consider their parents as friends, even though they think we could never understand the realities of their world. They are also interested in what it was like being a teenager during the Stone Age. Life without cell phones or the Internet must have been unimaginable!

So even with this interest, can parents and teens really become best friends when competing with busy schedules, and raging hormones? The answer is a resounding YES…and it is worth the effort!

What is important to understand is that both of you have to want the new relationship on a long-term basis. You cannot appear to be going through the motions, or acting like you are fitting this new relationship into your busy schedules.

As a father, I knew I was a good provider. I put food on the table, a roof over my teen’s head, and helped fund those great sales that saved me so much money.

As important as the father role is, it was improving the “Dad” role that allowed me to develop a lasting relationship with my daughter. This also helped me with my two stepsons. Essentially, I modified the communication and problem-solving skills that I successfully used at work to improve my relationship with my teens.

The following are the ten ways that will help you to become one of your teenager’s best friends:

1. Define what trust meant to each of you. Agree that there will be no games or hidden agendas-just honesty-to build the trust.

2. Agree that mutual trust is earned by exhibiting consistent behavior. The amount of trust that you develop will be proportionate to the amount of freedom that they will enjoy.

3. Anything that is discussed with you must be kept in the strictest of confidence. This will help reinforce the trust.

4. Talk to them as adults while remembering that they are still kids. This allows for flexibility during those trying adolescent years.

5. Become an attentive listener. Multitasking may be necessary at

work, however it will make you appear distracted when discussing something important with your teenager. Learn to focus.

6. Ask the right questions without appearing to interrogate them. It is important that they not fear coming to you to discuss what is important to them. It is equally important that they feel that you will take the time to understand what they are trying to communicate.

7. Do not judge them for their actions or ever say, “I told you so! This helps in having them continue to come to you to discuss topics, and encourages them to do things better the next time.

8. When helping them with problem solving, discuss the desired outcomes first, and what they need to do to resolve their problem. Then allow them to proactively make their own decisions based upon the facts rather than reacting to their emotions.

9. Set guidelines instead of making rules for them to follow. They should have input into the guidelines, and then be expected to follow them. They will perceive this as fair and in their best interests.

10. “Hang out” together as oppose to just spending time together. Remember that there is a difference between motion and productivity, so make your time together interactive. For example, if you go to a movie, then go for an ice cream and discuss the movie. Or play some “one on one” games or sports. Do what best friends do!

If you want to be a better parent, don’t forget the child within you. All too often, we get so wrapped up in being an adult that we forget how to have fun and enjoy life. I found that by using my imagination, I rekindled my creativity, and this made me an “okay guy” for my teenagers to hang out with.

About The Author

V. Michael Santoro, M. Ed. coauthored, “Realizing the Power of Love,” with his teenage daughter Jennifer S. Santoro. For more information, a free e-zine and more free articles, visit their Web site at http://www.dads-daughters.com

A fun way to build your child’s imagination

Writing is still one of our major forms of communication as well as a great way to express ourselves. Creating a storybook with your child is a fun way to introduce him or her to creative writing. You will also get to spend a few hours of quality time together and the end result will become a family treasure for years to come.

All you need is a notebook, a pen, and anything else you and your child would like to use to illustrate a story. You can draw pictures together, or make a collage out of old photos and magazine cut outs. Of course you can also add stickers, glitter or anything else you can come up with.

But let’s start at the beginning. The idea is to come up with a story and to write it down in the notebook. If your child has never made up a story, she will need some guidance and help from you. Think about what she is interested in right now: dinosaurs, ponies, ballet; characters from a particular book or TV show, etc.

Ask your child to name the main characters and encourage

them to describe what they look like, what clothes they are wearing and where they are. You’ll be surprised how quickly they will come up with a story line from there. Encourage them along the way.

If your child is old enough to write, have her write the story herself as you go along creating it. Offer to take turns if she is still new at writing. Otherwise, write it down for her.

Have fun decorating or illustrating the story.

Start your next creative writing afternoon by reading some of the stories you have already created. Give your child the option to either continue with the same set of characters or to come up with some new ones. Before long you will have an entire book of stories that you will both treasure for a long time.

Susanne Myers is the founder of http://www.kinderinfo.com, the one-stop online children’s resource center. Here you will find all kinds of answers to help you with your family, including information on child care options and locations, educational resources, sports and recreation, home-based activities, party and event planning, even quick and easy recipes. We seek to answer all kid-related questions!

AD/HD (attention deficit disorder) is one of the most common mental health disorders seen in childhood. Studies estimate that between 3-7% of all children have AD/HD: approximately 2 million children in the USA alone, or one child in every classroom.

The main symptoms seen in this condition are inattention, hyperactivity, and impulsivity, however, it’s important to note that not all children with AD/HD have hyperactivity. Many have the inattentive sub-type; these are the children who are often over-looked because they rarely present with behavioral problems. Rather, they are the dreamers who find it difficult to pay attention and who may instead, seem withdrawn or even depressed. It is far more likely that the hyperactive, impulsive children are identified in school for their acting out behaviors. Often times, teachers will report to the families that an evaluation for AD/HD may be indicated.

What should you do if you think your child might have AD/HD?

• Have your pediatrician give your child a complete physical to rule out any possible medical condition that can mimic AD/HD symptoms. Some children with chronic allergies, for example, simply cannot focus.

• If your child is given a clean bill of health, discuss your concerns with your child’s teacher. Find out how your child is behaving in school. Some questions to ask would be:

- Is he completing homework assignments?

- Is he paying attention in class

- Is she able to make friends easily?

- Does she have materials (books, paper, pencils) handy, or do they often get lost?

- Is he getting to class on time?

Keep in mind that many children with AD/HD can do well in school and often excel in structured environments. It often isn’t until the later school years- often middle school- that these children “hit the wall” and can no longer keep up. It is imperative that interventions be carried out to avoid failures.

• Note your child’s behaviors at home. Does he seem more immature than other children his age? Does he have a hard time following directions? Sitting at the dinner table?

If you feel that your child exhibits many of the traits of AD/HD, then it’s time to get evaluated. Schools should have psychologists on staff who can offer testing. However, many parents prefer to go for an outside evaluation. Some pediatricians feel capable of evaluating AD/HD, but many child psychologists, psychiatrists and neurologists have special training to help decipher which behaviors could indeed be AD/HD and which might be something else, such as depression, anxiety or a learning disability.

My Child Has AD/HD: Now What?

If you find that your child does, indeed have AD/HD, it’s important to educate yourself as much as possible. There are numerous books on the subject. Consulting with a mental health professional to help you with the many challenges AD/HD can present, is invaluable. Finding support by attending local groups such as CHADD (Children and Adults with Attention Deficit Disorder) also are immensely helpful in not only learning more about AD/HD, but also to connect with other families who are

struggling.

Since the treatment of AD/HD often includes parenting strategies, it is imperative that you work with a professional to help you learn new techniques to not only help manage your child’s behavior, but to also help him learn organizing strategies, homework management, social skills and more.

Treatment also often includes medication to help quiet the hyperactivity and impulsivity and/or improve attention. Many parents are reluctant to give their child medications, but stimulants (the most common and beneficial medication for AD/HD) are safe when given as directed. Still, all parents have concerns. Here are some questions to ask your doctor to help you in making the decision as to whether medication is right for your child:

• What are the risks vs benefits?

• What side effects might I observe?

• Which medications will work best for my child?

• What options do I have if I don’t want to use medications for my child?

• How will I know if the medications are working?

School Issues

Since AD/HD usually impedes a child’s performance in school, it is essential to work closely with teachers and staff so that your child can perform her best. Many with AD/HD qualify for special help. If the AD/HD is getting in the way of academic or social success, you can request accommodations or even special education services. In order to receive such services, you will need to have a letter from the professional who diagnosed your child. If the school psychologist administered the evaluation and found your child eligible for special help, discuss your concerns with her to see what sort of support your child needs and is entitled to in school.

Some AD/HD accommodations often include:

• Having your child sit closer to the teacher

• Keeping your child away from distractions, such as the door leading to the hallway, windows, noisy classmates

• Having a note taker, especially if your child has poor handwriting skills

• Having assignments written on the blackboard

• Asking the teacher to check for homework when your child arrives at school to eliminate the possibility of his losing it

• Have teacher maintain frequent eye contact

• Break down assignments and instructions into smaller chunks

• Give your child extra time to take tests and complete assignments

• Allow for your child to work in a quieter area of the room, as needed

• Get help with organizing books, papers, backpack, desk, locker, etc

All in all, AD/HD is a highly treatable condition and with the right support, most children will thrive and enjoy success personally, socially and academically.

Terry Matlen, MSW, ACSW, is a psychotherapist and consultant in Birmingham, Michigan specializing in AD/HD in adults. She is the author of “Survival Tips for Women with AD/HD”.

Terry is the director of http://www.addconsults.com, an online AD/HD eClinic and http://www.myADDstore.com. She serves on the board of directors of the Attention Deficit Disorder Association (ADDA),

A popular presenter at local and national conferences, Terry has a passion for raising awareness of the special challenges for women with AD/HD and the unique issues parents face when both they and their children have AD/HD.

Home schooling. What is it? What does it mean to you? How do you home school? These were just some of the questions I had when we started thinking about home schooling our children.

While our daughter was a baby, I started reading articles in the paper about the local schools. Our school district was in financial trouble. They were cutting services and staff over and over again. The elementary schools were eliminating librarians, day time janitors, band, and the parents were fund raising for a crossing guard. That’s when I realized that the local public school would not be anything like the school I went to.

Our first step was checking out the private school options. There are three Montessori schools within a 20 minute drive, a variety of Christian schools, and a Waldorf school about 45 minutes away. As I went and sat in classrooms, I realized that I didn’t want my daughter spending most of her childhood in those classrooms. Nothing seemed to fit what I saw as her needs for education.

It didn’t take me long to realize that home learning could be the best choice for Katherine. She is an intelligent child who does things in her own time. She didn’t start talking until she was about 2.5 years old. About a year latter, we went through a speech assessment to find out if there were any long term problems. She could say all of the sounds of a 2 year old, less than half of the sounds of three and four year olds and almost all the sounds of five and six year olds! The final assessment was that her speech development did not fit the norm, but was OK. What if they hadn’t tested her for the more advanced sounds? The results would have been very different.

This test echoed the developmental patterns we had seen with Katherine from the beginning. Any time I tried to compare her to a chart, she was fine at the levels below, had some of the skills at her current level, but quite a few from the level above. While I think she might like all the kids in the classroom, I am afraid that she will be labelled as ‘below average’ because she doesn’t fit their standard tests. I do not want her public schools. Home learning was no longer a choice, but a very firm decision.

Fortunately, we live in a popular home learning area with some of the best legislation for home learners in Canada. I had never planned to home school, and wasn’t quite sure what it meant. I did know people whose children learned at home, and it seemed to work for their families. I subscribed to one of the two local newsletters and started listening to conversations about learning at home.

I liked what I read, saw and thought about. Most of my remaining doubts were about me as a teacher. I love my children, our 6 year-old daughter Katherine, now has a 3 year-old brother Duncan. I feel priveledged to be spending their childhoods with them. However I do get impatient, need my own space some times, and don’t have a teaching background. Could we home learn? We would try and see what happened.

An experienced home learning parent had told me about a great activity they did tracing coins and learning about money. Although Katherine was only 4y at the time, she loved coins and it sounded perfect for us. I picked a time when she and I wouldn’t get interrupted, gathered the materials, and sat down to teach her about

money. ( Experienced home learning parents are probably having a great laugh at this point. )

We started to trace the coins on paper to show how five pennies make a nickel, and two nickels make a dime. Much to my surprise, Katherine was not enjoying herself. She refused to count the number of pennies with me, wouldn’t help trace circles, and became generally difficult. Finally I was so annoyed I just put everything away. She came up and hugged me and said ‘I still love you Mommy’. My heart melted, but the doubts in my abilities remained.

A week latter, Katherine was watching TV and told me which three shows which shows were listed on the screen. She had never even watched one of the shows. I sat in stunned silence. She was right. Was it a good guess? Had she memorized them or could she read? I hadn’t planned to ‘teach’ her how to read until she was 7 or 8. We hadn’t even started any language lessons. What was going on? This event was not part of the plans I had been making for her home schooling education.

Truthfully, I don’t think she could read that day, but I’m not certain about that statement. She is quite capable of selectively answering our questions when it suits her. We knew she could sing the alphabet song, and recognize some letters. I have been able to discover that she knows what all the letters look like, and can correctly tell us which letter starts most words (‘My grandmother’s name is Margery, what letter does Margery start with?”), even when she has never seen or heard the word before.

My husband and I have talked about this situation a few times. When she choses to answer our questions, we find out she knows way more than either one of us thought she did. She has correctly found a show she would like to watch listed in the TV Guide, much to my amazement since the look of the words in the TV Guide is very different from the logo with the show’s name on TV. It’s not just sight recognition. We don’t know where or how she has learned these skills.

What has become clear is that Katherine doesn’t need me to ‘teach’ her or have a master plan for her education. I do have to provide a good learning environment, answer her questions, help when she asks, and watch her learn.

I knew she would learn to walk, talk, and all those hundreds of other things babies are suppose to learn in their first few years. There is no reason to create an artificial line between life learning and academic learning. For me, that was one of the reasons I thought home learning was great. Yet I still fell into the trap of trying to artificially set-up a teaching situation. No wonder Katherine wanted nothing to do with my planned lesson.

I have to remember to trust her. She loves learning in her own way, at her own pace. Now if I can just stay out of her way, she will to a great job all by herself. I am looking forward to having a wonderful time watching her grow and learn in the coming years. I just hope I can remember what I learned from our first home lesson.

Christine Nicholls loves being mommy to Katherine who is now 9y and Duncan who is 6y. Her business, Creative Kids at Home (http://www.ckah.com) lets her combine her skills and business background with full-time parenting, and is a lot of fun for her kids.

Parents, do you have children who do poorly in school, or are bored or frustrated with their classes or teachers? In contrast to what most public-school officials will tell you, in most cases the problem lies with the schools, not with your children.

It turns out that millions of children, including yours, have good reasons to hate public school, reasons that you as a parent should not ignore.

Here are eleven danger signals from your children that parents should watch out for:

1. Is your child’s reading, writing, and spelling atrocious, yet the teacher gives high grades or compliments for your child’s writing assignments or “creative” spelling?

2. Is your child constantly bored or frustrated with school?

3. Does your child have difficulty doing simple arithmetic problems that he should be able to handle at that grade level?

4. Has your child stopped reading for pleasure at home?

5. Do your children hate doing homework because they say it bores them?

6. Does your child’s teacher or principal tell you that your bright, energetic child has some strange four-lettered disease called ADHD, and they “suggest” you give your child mind-altering drugs to “fix” his or her “learning disorder?”

7. Is your child embarrassed by what she learned in sex education class and doesn’t want to talk to you about it?

8. Does your child come home

with bruises he got from some bully whom the teacher did not control?

9. Ask your child how many hours a day he or she learns reading, math, and other academic subjects, versus other classes about pagan religions, multiculturalism, sex-education, or other social-psychological conditioning classes.

10. Ask your child about the stories she reads in class or the exercises the teachers have her do. Is the school indoctrinating your child with values or ideas that you think are harmful or dangerous?

11. Are your child’s textbooks dumbed-down and do they teach values you don’t approve of?

If your child exhibits any of these danger signals, it may be time to seriously consider taking your child out of public school and looking for better education alternatives. “Public Schools, Public Menace” has a whole Resource Section devoted to these great education alternatives.

Joel Turtel is an education policy analyst, and author of “Public Schools, Public Menace: How Public Schools Lie To Parents and Betray Our Children.”

Contact Information:

Website: http://www.mykidsdeservebetter.com,

Email: lbooksusa@aol.com,

Phone: 718-447-7348.

Article Copyrighted © 2005 by Joel Turtel

NOTE: You may post this Article on an Ezine, newsletter, or other website only if you include Joel Turtel’s complete contact information, and set up a hyperlink to Joel Turtel’s email address and website URL, http://www.mykidsdeservebetter.com

“Setting the alarm on Sunday mornings is inhuman…..God should know that!” Those were my adolescent thoughts every weekend when my parents forced me to church. “I can get more out of my headphones and the Beatles.” It was this way as far back as I can remember. Early Sunday school, then later Bible studies, liturgies in another language, all culminating in a weekly teen rebellion against God and my parents. I really hated my parents (especially my Mother) for forcing religion on me. “Besides, I don’t think the Smothers Brothers forced their kids, and they are political giants!” I would brood the entire hour’s drive to church just to make my parents as miserable as I felt. It never changed in all those years.

I look back thirty-five years to those times now and bless my parents in every prayer I pray for the gift they gave me. I no longer practice their religion, but I live with every pore in my body believing in something greater than myself. My faith is as easy as a breath in, and during times of great challenge, I don’t have to search for God or strength. Everything I need is already there and will always be.

I have seen my peers dedicate themselves to never raising a child that way. “I will never force my child into religion the way my parents did,” became a mantra. “I will wait until they are old enough and let them choose for themselves.” Those choices, along with the “feel good” experiments of the seventies, have been a dismal failure. The result is an ever increasing growth of what I call “entitlement fixated” people. It is so pervasive that, had I the power, I would make it a new personality disorder designation.

When children are raised to never know failure, they can’t savior the delicacy of success nor can they appreciate the hunger that second place instills. If they don’t learn that we must, at times, do things we abhor for a greater good, they don’t learn self-discipline. If we don’t instill empathy early on, they don’t ever know the complete joy in giving. And if we neglect their spiritual natures, they may never truly trust God.

I see behind me a generation largely of lost souls looking for God under every rock and crystal believing they are so special that all of life’s challenges are someone else’s fault and someone else’s duty to resolve. They are spoiled, arrogant and have no sense of healthy boundaries or respectfulness. How can they when they themselves have replaced God as the center of all worlds? This is the legacy we have given them. We have absolved them of all failures, and endowed them with unlimited special ness and therefore, tragically, they cannot arrive at the simple truth that there is something greater than themselves.

My early spiritual training was a little “rough around the edges”. Yet, at least there was something there – something to offer me a foundation on which to build my spiritual life. I was given s sense of divinity and an eye for all things sacred. I am not the center, but rather, a necessary part of a great whole. My participation in goodness and love and acting on what is right furthers my sense of self and God

more than all the awards, accolades and accomplishments I could ever accumulate in a lifetime.

Those who are entitlement fixated are trapped in lonely, fearful, winning-is-everything world. Their sense of self is so exaggerated that true intimacy and love are replaced by control and manipulation. I can’t even imagine the aloneness of a “self only” existence. Arrogance replaces confidence and expectations replace caring. All sense of community is buried in an extreme need for gratification that can never be satisfied for more than a few fleeting moments. And, this personality can be either flagrantly overt, or seductively, manipulatively, covert. But the goal is always the same: to fulfill the needs of the self, first and always. This differs from narcissism in that all empathic responses and attempts at spiritual connection are based on an outcome, rather than an open heart. A true narcissist is capable of empathy and connection so long as they are not momentarily threatened. A person with entitlement fixation doesn’t ever experience the feelings though they will often vehemently deny this.

I feel tremendous compassion for the entitlement-fixated souls on our world. They must be among the loneliest and the most unsure. I have given great thought to the antidote for this affliction and I believe that the answer lies partly in one simple concept: humility.

Humility is a forgotten lesson. We have confused humility with humiliation and have fought hard to protect our young from its pain. Humility is the concept Mother Theresa tried to convey when she said, “I am just God’s little pencil.” It is an exquisite feeling of surrender and openness all in one glorious, spiritual moment. I am humbled when enveloped in a magenta sunset, or when caught in seizures of belly laughs. I feel humbled by the unswerving loyalty and joyous antics of my dogs. I am humbled by the amount of overwhelming talent in my small town and in the awesome devotion of all the volunteers to service I meet. I live my life in an unassuming, understated kind of way. I am inspired by the vastness and intimate knowledge of all things greater than I, yet I am confident and competent in meeting the challenges of my life.

Children need to know that the knowledge gained in failure can outweigh the feelings of being first. There can be true rejoicing in another’s success. Being a part of something greater is better than being noticed. Giving is it’s own peace. God is not a concept, but a sense that needs to be nurtured and developed before it can be experienced. It is our humility that allows us to be happy for others and foster their highest good. My parents were clumsy, at times, in their lessons and they didn’t dote on me. Instead, they gave me something I can cherish.

Don’t neglect your child’s spiritual development. Any foundation is better than none. The lessons of self-discipline, humility, community, and God are all worth any resistance you may encounter. This is our job as parents and role models. This legacy is our best.

About The Author

Erika J. Chopich, Ph.D.is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process and the best-selling co-author of “Healing Your Aloneness” and “The Healing Your Aloneness Workbook.” Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or mailto:erika@innerbonding.com

Working with adults (as well as children and teens) for the past 12 years I have noticed that there are just a few primary struggles that most adults face. I also see how better training as a child and teen could have given them the skills and attitudes that would have prevented the problems that they now face.

The primary areas adults struggle with are

1. Money, primarily debt

2. Lack of disciple, or the inability to do what they want to do, be it weight, money, work etc.

3. Relationships

As I see it, much of the way we live our lives is groomed as we grow up. And while we can certainly change, it is harder to do the older we get. This can cut both ways: If we are taught correctly we have a high chance of succeeding as adults and if we are taught poorly, there is a high chance that we will continue those poor habits into adulthood and face many difficulties.The good news? We can put our kids on the fast track to success by diligently applying some basic success skills. To get you started, I’ve brainstormed some ways you can head off your children’s problems years before they face them. Here we go!

To have successful relationships:

Show them unconditional love. No matter what, we are to welcome and love our children. This does not mean that we won’t get mad at them from time to time or that we won’t discipline them when they cross the line. It means that we will always accept them and treat them with the respect they deserve as human beings, no matter what they have done. It means we do not hold grudges against them. We can disagree or even verbally tangle, but then we bury the hatchet and accept one another.

Teach them manners. There are acceptable ways of behaving. Unfortunately, many people today do not know them! Teach your children how to behave so that others are treated well and do not have to put up with our misbehavior. Why? Because they won’t put up with it anyway. Many people will simply write you off and never tell you why.

Help them learn to forgive. Most of the relationship problems I work with boil down to this: The people simply will not forgive one another and continue to hold past wrongs against the other person. Here is the fact, and you have to teach this to your kids: People will wrong you. It is what we do with that and how we react that will determine the health of the relationship in the future.

Help them to be able to focus on and serve others. Many parents make their kid feel like they are the center of the universe. One problem with this: They aren’t! The world doesn’t revolve around your kids and they can’t get their way all of the time. What happens later on in life when little Johnny (who was the center of the universe growing up) marries little Suzie (The center of another universe growing up)? You got it, problems! Now they have to share a universe! Instead we should teach our children to help others. We should teach them to consider other people’s interests as more important than our own.

To have successful finances:

Make them EARN money. Sure you can give your kids money – we do. But we should also teach them to earn money. We should give them opportunity to earn money. I don’t think a kid should get an allowance for doing chores. Chores are the responsibility of being part of the family. But you can give them extra jobs so they can understand fully the hard work they put in and appreciate the value of the money they receive. This will cause them to handle it better.

Have them give money away. Greed works its wonders on some of the nicest people. That is what I have found. And the best way to break greed is to give money away. Our children give away 10% of every dollar they get. This builds generosity into their hearts. We have been doing it so long that it is just a part of them. How can you be greedy about something you are giving away? And when you give it away you can see the good that it does to the people and organizations you help. (One side story: When my son was younger and got one dollar a week in allowance he would give a dime away. He suggested it would be a good thing if he started getting two dollars – because then he would be able to give two dimes away. I don’t know if he was being generous or shrewd!)

Teach them about investing. Yesterday I sat in the car explaining the law of supply and demand with my ten year old. Now he knows what something is “worth.” Now he knows why Beanie Babies are so expensive but a very efficient way of separating poor investors from their money. My kids hear about the old guns and butter theory (Guns represent items that appreciate and butter represents the things that melt away. Invest in appreciating assets and you can have all the butter you want later on. Invest in butter and you won’t ever have the guns.) These are basic principles that will allow your kids to be financially secure and not strapped later on. They will be the lender and not the borrower.

Teach them to delay self-gratification. I touched on this in the last point. If we teach our kids to delay gratification, they can put themselves into a financial position wherein they can actually afford the item they want rather than put themselves into debt or a precarious position to get it. Besides, half the time when they wait, they don’t want it in three weeks!

Teach them to never have any debt! No debt. Never. Period. Nada. Never, ever, ever. Pay cash or wait. Okay, did I get that through? Now let me be a little more temperate. Debt has created more problems I have dealt with than just about any other issue. Marriage problems, emotional problems, work problems, spiritual problems, and physical problems. We should engrain it into our kid’s heads

that the only acceptable debt is a home mortgage and they should be conservative with that and even pay cash if they can! I hear you, “But I can’t get the car I want!” Too bad! See the guns and butter theory above! Your kids will visit your grave every week with flowers after you are gone if you love them and teach them to avoid debt.

To help them be successful in discipline:

Have them do certain tasks/chores on a regularly scheduled basis. Discipline is, well, a discipline. Teach your kids to make their beds every morning. Or do wash every Monday. Or mow the lawn every Saturday morning. Building schedules builds disciplined people who do not procrastinate, who are methodical and who are diligent. These are the people who succeed.

Let them experience discipline and consequences. Consequences are the greatest teachers! Many people who I see fail are people who have never suffered consequences. I know a gentleman who couldn’t hold a job. His employers were going to fire him. He was always late and couldn’t be relied upon – even by his friends. You never knew if he was telling the truth. One day I was talking to him and he said that he had never been punished or disciplined! The light went on! I finally understood. You know the old saying, “Spare the rod and spoil the child?” I say, spare the rod and you’ll raise a criminal! You may not want to let little Johnny experience the pain of consequences, but his boss will let him feel it 20 years from now! Prepare him for success now by making him realize that if he doesn’t do what is right, he will spend a lot of time in his room or he will miss out special things. He will grow up to be the most relied upon person in his office and he’ll be the boss one day.

Don’t protect them from losing. I coached little league football one year. It just so happens we were the youngest team in the league and we were terrible. One game we were getting beat 55-0 with about five minutes to play and I was getting screamed at by an irate parent. I turned to them and said, “You know. I learned some of my best lessons in 55-0 losses. I took a few of them in my athletic career, and I handed a few out too!” Sometimes we win in life, sometimes we lose. We need to learn what it feels like to lose and then get right back out there. It will prepare your kids much better to lose until they win legitimately than to win all the time. I remember one basketball game when I was on my way to about thirty points and a parent from the other team was screaming about it. My brother, who is 13 years older than me told the guy to sit down because I had earned all those point because of how many basketball thrashings I had taken at his hands through the years. Losing made me better!

Teach them to eat right and exercise. Many people struggle with their weight and it is usually because we learned bad habits as kids. We weren’t that overweight when we were younger but as our metabolism slows it catches up with us. Teach your kids basic nutritional information. Teach them how Candy bars plus milk shakes plus no exercise equals trouble! When we go to the health club our kids can swim and play all they want in the pool – as soon as they finish their laps!

Teach them to make tough decisions and learn to say “no.” The most powerful word in the world! We should teach our children to understand what is the most important – their priorities – and say “no” to everything else. So many people get themselves into trouble and overextended because they do not have the discipline to say “no.” The reality is that you will act on an agenda – either yours or someone else’s. Saying “no” enables you to stay on track. Teach them to make tough decisions because it is what is right or because it will be better in the long run, rather than on how it will make them feel.

Encourage them to risk failure and try new things. I have met so many people who were always taught to play it safe. And guess what? They are playing it safe, leading, as the quote says, “Lives of quiet desperation.” Teach your kids to try new things and give them the opportunity to do so. Help them see the bigger picture when they fail, like what they can learn from the situation so they can win the next time. It is the people who risk failure and try new things who change the world and lead the lives they want to!

Pitch the TV. Okay, my soapbox: Get rid of the television. If you have to have the one-eyed monster in the house just get a monitor so you can watch videos from time to time. I haven’t had a TV for 12 years – and I LOVE IT! My kids are healthy, sociable, well-adjusted, smart kids. They have creative imaginations because they have to picture everything themselves rather than rely on someone else’s interpretation. They read many grade levels above where they are. They have time to do all sorts of things that they want to because they have an extra 20 hours a week (1040 hours a year) that other kids their age don’t! Someday I am going to write a book on benefits and reasons to get rid of the TV because the fact is you will be much better off without it than you are with it! And so will your kids!

About The Author:

Chris Widener is a popular speaker and writer as well as the President of Made for Success, a company helping individuals and organizations turn their potential into performance, succeed in every area of their lives and achieve their dreams.

To see Chris “live” at the upcoming Jim Rohn Weekend Event as he speaks on the subject of Secrets of Influence go to http://Chris-Widener.InspiresYOU.com/ or call 800-929-0434.