Parenting resources

The initial state of happiness about an own child is often overcome with annoyance after even a short period of time. Children quickly grow an own personality, and it’s the most vital task of the parents to help develop it and give it a shape. Otherwise, the little angel can turn into a little devil adding considerably to the stress in life you already have.

Like everything else in life, child education is a tightrope walk between strictness and letting loose. Drifting off either way causes more problems than it solves. But of course what sounds clear and obvious in theory is much harder to actually apply practically.

The suggestions here are no rules to follow, they’re mere guidelines and should animate own thoughts and ideas. After all, it’s up to you what you think is best.

1. Discipline

During the first six month of its life, a baby won’t yet be able to understand the connection between “bad behaviour” and punishment. What it really needs during that time is care and loving, to tighten the emotional bounds to its parents.

Nevertheless, even a baby that small is fully capable of repeating actions that lead to a pleasant result. So if any sob makes you appear immediately on the cradle, you’ll find that you have a miniature dictator soon who keeps you up and running with joy.

Between seven and fourteen months, children normally start testing their limits. This results from a growth in both mobility and stubbornness, so what’s being put on test are the parents’ patience with keeping their little ones from exploring, often eating and probably destroying the reachable parts of the household and for how long they can get away with it.

Babies at that age start challenging their parents by stubborn disobedience, but that should not lead to punishment. Be firm and persistent in telling and showing them what they’re not supposed to do, but don’t be rude or harsh. Their concentration usually doesn’t last, so distraction is a great weapon. They still need a lot of love, and your reward will be a happy time with a sometimes annoying, but mostly very cute baby.

Going towards an age of two years, the obstinacy takes often a negative direction: “No” is the preferred answer to all “propositions” ranging from eating and choice of toys to taking a bath and going to sleep.

Discipline can become considerably harder to apply, but is vital to steer the course of your child’s further development. It has to learn that the authority and decision is with the parents. Still, love and forgiveness is of even importance. Especially the father’s role as an authority for the child and support for his wife can make this period a lot easier.

With increasing mobility, skill and curiosity a child between two and three years can keep its mother constantly busy, taking every moment of silence as

an indication of a new disaster involving eating things, messing around with things and getting stuck in things.

This can really add to the load of stress parents already have, and the explosive emotional or even physical reaction might ease the moment, but on the long term increases the problem. So be as relaxed as possible and make sure you’ve got all valuable pieces of household equipment properly secured. When children receive a bump or scratch that’s no drama – turning it into one will just make you and your child over-freightened in the future. Still, with all calmness, don’t miss to tell your child when it did wrong and discipline when it’s overdoing it.

In the following years, the focus of education should be on the child’s character and attitudes. The influence of trends, friends and media is strong, and the temptation to try new things is high. At the same time, the control parents have over their children’s activities is reduced, and especially when it comes to trends parents often lack understanding for the things that are “in”.

So even though your child becomes more independent, it’s important that you have time together and show interest in its experiences, interests and problems. Offer to talk about things, but don’t urge. Show understanding and always be there as someone your child can talk to without fear – remember the days when you were in that age, and your feelings at that time.

And, most important: Be a paradigm to your child. You cannot expect it to do something you don’t have the power or courage to do yourself. Respect is nothing that can be taught, but has to be earned, even by parents.

2. Rules of thumb

- Be just!

Don’t expect your child to behave according to rules you haven’t set. Especially young children often can’t distinguish between right and wrong. So even if something is clearly a stupid idea for you, it might seem a brilliant one to it.

- Be firm!

If you give in to your child’s defiant reaction, maybe because you’re just tired of the whole thing, you lose much more than that fight. You give away authority and respect.

- Forgive!

After a confrontation is settled, reassure your child of your love and show that you’re not resentful.

- Don’t ask for the impossible!

No matter what your means of education are like, you can’t expect a child to behave like an adult. Children sometimes behave irresponsibly – that’s built-in.

- Don’t forget the love!

In the end, no matter how much trouble you might have with each other, don’t forget to show that you love your child. And when it comes to decide how to educate, how to reward and how to discipline, listen to your heart what’s the right thing to do.

Brigette Meier is an occassional author for http://www.e-nterests.com – visit the site for more interesting articles.

An address given by Rev. David B. Smith (aka. ‘Fighting’ Father Dave)

at the Sydney Town Hall, February 21st 2003.  Dave was addressing students, parents & teachers at the Fort Street High School speech day.

“The inspiration of a noble cause involving human interests wide and far, enables men to do things they did not dream themselves capable of before, and which they were not capable of alone. The consciousness of belonging, vitally, to something beyond individuality; of being part of a personality that reaches we know not where, in space and time, greatens the heart to the limit of the soul’s ideal, and builds out the supreme of character.”

(Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain, October 3, 1889)

Who was Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain I might ask. No, not the one-time British Prime Minister. That was a different Chamberlain. J.L. Chamberlain was a general in the American Civil War, who fought for the North. Why mention him today? It will remain a secret at this stage.

My name is Dave. I generally function under the persona of ‘Father Dave’. That’s because I am a priest -an Anglican priest. Apart from being a priest I am also a boxer and all-round martial arts master. I am also a ‘youth worker’ of sorts.

In some places in the world I would be granted an enormous amount of respect because I am a priest. In this community, I find I receive more respect that I deserve on account of my reputation for hitting people. I personally believe that the only role in that list that really demands respect is the one of ‘Youth Worker’

Working with young people is hard. I used to be a young person. I was a hard young person to work with. I was a difficult student at school. I went on to be an argumentative University student and then a troublesome seminary student. I’ve left behind me a whole string of academic institutions that have been somewhat glad to see the back of me.

Now I’ve been working with hard and difficult young people in Dulwich Hill for the last twelve years (which may be God’s way of paying me back). Some of the young people I’ve worked with have really got their lives together and gone on to bigger and better things. Quite a number of them have died – mainly from overdoses but also from car accidents (often in stolen cars) and from suicide. Others I’m still working with. They’re just not quite as young as they used to be.

People ask me all the time ‘Dave, what do you think is the biggest problem facing young people today’. Most people think I am going to answer ‘drugs’.

I do not consider drugs to be the biggest problem young people are facing today. That’s not because I don’t think drugs are a big problem. I’ve worked with a lot of drug-addicted young people over the years. I have been robbed and manipulated by them, and I have watched many of them. Even so, I do not consider drugs to be the biggest problem plaguing our young people.

Some people think ‘violence’ is the biggest problem facing young people, and I am conscious of the fact that for young guys (in particular) problems of violence can still be a major issue. Violence is not nearly so big a problem in my area as it was five years ago, but we still managed to finish up one of our most recent blue-light discos with an all-in brawl in the streets. Problems of violence are alive and well in Dulwich Hill. Even so, I do not consider violence to the biggest problem facing young people.

Some people think in terms of lack of employment opportunities as the major issue. Others would speak in terms of family breakdown or problems of prejudice – all real issues. Personally though, I believe that the biggest problem facing our young people today is something a little less tangible. Personally I think the biggest problem I see with our young people is that most of them don’t feel themselves to be a part of anything that is bigger than themselves.

Most young people I meet have tragically small horizons, very little ambition, and hence live in very tiny worlds. When I ask teenagers about what they would really like to do with their lives if they could do anything at all, most others speak in terms of getting something, whether that something be a horse or a car or a girl or just ‘a lot of money’.

No one I speak to says ‘If I could do anything I wanted I’d find a cure for cancer’ or ‘I’d negotiate a peace deal in the Middle East’. And this reflects, I believe, the fact that most young people I know have very narrow horizons. Indeed, most young persons I know seem to live in worlds that are not much bigger than themselves.

Go back a couple of generations and most European Australians were ready to lay down their lives for King and country. You wouldn’t find many young people today willing to sacrifice themselves for Queen and country. You won’t find many young people who have any real sense of loyalty to the Queen or to the country. Indeed, if you ask most young people what it means to be Australian, you won’t generally get a reply that contains any ideals.

There are positives as well as negatives in this equation of course. Strong patriotism often goes hand in hand with strong prejudice against people of other nationalities. And our Australian cynicism towards our governing bodies at least means that we’re not easily fooled by political propaganda. Even so, the downside of our ‘loss of national identity’ means that we’ve been thrust back upon ourselves and upon our peers to find some sense of personal identity.

Now if you’re following me here at all you may well be thinking ‘Yeah, Dave thinks that because he’s working with a group of no good loser drug addicts. Hell, I don’t know what happened to him since he left Fort Street, but that guy has been on a one-way downwardly mobile trip. Over here we’ve really got it all together.’ Yeah? I don’t know.

One of the most depressing groups of young people I’ve encountered in the past few years has been at my oldest daughter’s school. She attends a different government run selective high school. I won’t say which one. NOT THIS ONE! When she fist started school there they asked her whole class ‘what did they want to be when they finished school?’, and almost every other person there, apart from her, said ‘a lawyer’.

Now people, maybe I’ve been prejudiced over the years by the enormous amount of time I’ve spent in juvenile courts and in the prison system, but it seems to me that if we’re really on about building a better Australia, the last thing we need is more lawyers!

Now I know I shouldn’t be black and white about this, but my daughter went around and asked her peers ‘why do you want to be a lawyer?’ Some of them answered ‘because my dad is a lawyer’ or something like that, but MOST of them said that it was because being a lawyer was a ‘good job’, by which they mean what ….? A job that can help a lot of people? NO! When people say a ‘good job’ they mean a job that makes a lot of money.

There was a time when we used to speak of the ‘idealism of youth’. What’s happened to that? When did youthful idealism get replaced by this ‘I want to make a lot of money’ mentality? Why do people who should know better want to make a ‘lot of money’? Is it because you think you need a lot of money in order to survive? You don’t! Is it because you think ‘if I have a lot of money I will be really important and people will look up to me?’ GET A LIFE!

Friends, I do not think that there is any greater tragedy in this community than a highly trained intelligent young person who has all the gifts and abilities necessary to really make a difference in this society, but who has

no idea where to direct those gifts and abilities. It’s like having a powerful loaded weapon and not caring where it’s aiming when it goes off.

This is the tragedy: that most of our young people, I fear, drug-addicted and not drug-addicted, well educated as well as less well educated, winners as well as losers, live a life wherein ‘my life is basically about me’. That’s a tragedy.

One of my good friends is a guy called Mordechai Vanunu, who is still in prison in Israel for telling the world about all the nuclear bombs that his country has stockpiled. Morde has been in prison there now for 17 years. The worst thing about his prison term though was that he spent the first 11 and a half years in solitary confinement, which is one of the most torturous forms of human punishment – living in a world inhabited by one!

I see a similar tragedy taking place in the lives of so many of our young people who really have no hopes, dreams or ambitions in this life that go beyond themselves. What a small life to live! It’s like trying to beautify the wallpaper in your own solitary cell!

It’s this loss of idealism that I see as the greatest scourge afflicting our young people today, and my response to this situation is to teach these young people to fight, which might not seem like the most obvious solution to the dilemma to everybody.

The relevance of fighting to an individual’s value system might not be immediately obvious to everyone, but I do seriously believe that pugilism and idealism are intricately linked. The bottom line is that I know that it all works.

I know that I’ve had an almost 100% success rate when it comes to taking in guys who have serious drug problems or violence problems, that by the time I get them to the side of the ring for a serious fight, they are no longer having problems with drugs or violence or any of those things, but have actually developed a real sense of who they are and what they are on about.

I know it works. I’m not sure I fully understand why it works, but I would note that if you go back to Plato’s Republic, to the wisdom of the Ancient Greeks, you’ll find that Socrates assigned a very high place to the value of ‘themos’, which we translate as ‘aggression’ or‘fighting spirit’.

According to Socrates, no individual and no society is complete without properly developed ‘themos’. Individuals and societies need to know how to fight if they are going to know real harmony and real justice.

The other authority I would appeal to today is Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain:

” The consciousness of belonging, vitally, to something beyond individuality … greatens the heart to the limit of the soul’s ideal, and builds out the supreme of character.”

Chamberlain writes this out of his experience in the American Civil War – one of the most terrible wars in history.

Chamberlain was, ironically, a contemporary and a colleague of William Tecumseh Sherman who coined the phrase ‘war is hell’ and I don’t think Chamberlain would have necessarily disagreed with Sherman. But Chamberlain also found that, for all its horror, war had one very positive side effect – it gave people a sense of belonging to something that was greater than themselves and so it could bring out the best in people.

Of course Chamberlain isn’t the only person whose seen this. My old dears at the church used to say it all the time. “What these young people need is a good war” they used to say. Now they weren’t stupid, and they knew as well as anyone else that the last thing we really need is a ‘good war’, but their point was that they felt young people needed some experience like they’d had in their youth, where they were forced to work together with a broad range of people across the community and to make sacrifices together as they committed themselves to a cause which was something far bigger than any of them as individuals.

Fighting has worked for me (and it’s less costly all round than starting a war). Maybe it will work for you too. Find out! Come down and touch gloves with me. Do a few rounds. See how the experience affects you. (just don’t all come at once)

Perhaps fighting is not your thing. That’s OK. Find another way to get in touch with your ideals and values. Spend more time in church. Head up on a mountain by yourself for a couple of months and just think and pray about it. That works for some people. Just don’t be content with a life that has no greater horizon than your own wealth and self-importance.

We live in an extraordinary society in an extraordinary period in human history. Think about it. At how many other points in history, and in how many other places in the world, have any group of people ever had the degree of choice about the future that we have today.

Think about it. The rest of your life lies before you and you can really choose to do with it just about anything you want to! Your options are really only limited by your imagination and your genetic potential. At how many times and places in human history has that been true?

If you were born a few generations back in a village you wouldn’t have had these sorts of choices. Your dad was the village Smithy, so that’s what you were going to be. If you were born on a farm you were probably going to stay on that farm until you died. If you were a teenage girl you probably already had a couple of kids by now and your path was fully set.

We’re at the opposite end of the spectrum now. If you decide to spend the rest of your life entirely devoted to playing your guitar you can do it. You may become a great rock star, but even if you don’t you won’t starve. The government safety net will still support you in the end so that you can keep doing nothing but guitar playing if that’s what you really want.

If you decide to devote the rest of your life to scientific research you can do that. If that’s your vision and you’re determined, nobody is going to stop you from giving your life to that.

If you want to devote your life to feeding the hungry and healing the sick you can do that, or if you just want to sit around on your bum all day too, you can do that too! The choice is yours.

But this is our dilemma. Never before in human history have we had such a wonderful variety of choices before us, and never before, I fear, have we had so little idea of what we should choose.

One final illustration from a Peace March: I trust that plenty of you guys made it to the recent Peace March, and good on you. Let me mention to you one placard that I heard about at a march. I didn’t see it but was told about it. It said “nothing is worth dying for”. I thought that this was very clever at first, but then it occurred to me if nothing is worth dying for, is anything worth living for?

Friends, I believe that there are things worth living and dying for. Find out what they are and live them! Live your life to the full. Fight the good fight. Keep the faith. And the blessing of God Almighty – the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit – be amongst you and remain with you always. Amen!

‘Fighting’ Father Dave Smith – Parish Priest, community worker, professional fighter, author, father of three.

Dave is the only Australian in Holy Orders to turn pro boxer to help fund his work.  He is Parish Priest in Dulwich Hill, has a sixth-degree martial arts black belt, and has received numerous awards for his work with young people.

Get a free preview copy of his book, ‘Sex, the Ring & the Eucharist‘ when you sign up for Dave’s newsletter at www.fatherdave.org

The biggest trick some child predators’ are using these days is to pretend to be a kid, in a kid site chat room.

Child predators are talking the lingo, misspelling words, having simple conversations to gain trust with children on the internet.

But do you really know just how fast they can find informationabout your child or your family?

This is one website every parent must see:

http://www.usdoj.gov/criminal/ceos/index.html

Scroll down to the bottom and you will see a section called

Interactive Tools

Then click on the link

‘What Can Be Revealed in Minutes About Your Child Online’

It is a downloadable tutorial that shows parents and kidsjust how someone can search for information about you or your child, if they frequent chat rooms, or send out any type of posts on the internet.

It shows you how a stranger on the internet can find outEVERYTHING about your child in about 45 minutes,with even the smallest piece of information to start with.

Here is the direct url for the tutorial:

http://www.usdoj.gov/criminal/ceos/Multimedia/NCMEC%20Video%202.exe

So what will a child abductor do with this information?

Even if they do not know what your child looks like, they can wait for them to come home from school, call them by name, call them on the phone.

And if they walk home from school, they can come in contact with them en route back home.

Without a doubt, the most dangerous of all……you might not even know if your child is being stalked by a person like this.

Here are some tips to safeguard your child against these types of individuals:

1. Just like TV, video games, or watching movies,you shouldn’t let your child have free reign of the computer any time they like.

Have a central family computer space (keep it out of their rooms if there is an internet hook-up) By making use of the computer as a family affair, parents can keep a close eye onwho they are interacting with.

2. Make sure you know who they are chatting with online and tell them exactly why you’re concerned. Just like you want to meet their friends, get to know who they are talking to online.

tip –

Kids are smart these days. They know there are nasty people in our society. Be open with them about your concerns and tell them you love them and You don’t want anything happening to them. That way when you do get ‘nosey cozy’every time they’re online, it’s not a shock to their system.

Tell your child under no circumstances should they give out their name, address, phone #, or where they go to school over the internet.

tip – It’s natural for a kid to want to talk about those things. That’s what makes up their day.Help them fight the urge by working with your child on ‘safe’ topics to chat about; movies,music, current events, even what they are learning in school. But nothing personal.

4. Have them tell you if there are any conversations that make them feel uncomfortable and tonot believe anyone they chat with when they type in “Don’t Tell Your Mom or Dad…” That’s a big flag.Have them tell you about it.

5. Chatting kids should know never to meet ANYONE off of the internet without checkingwith their parents first, whether in a separate chat room or in person. They must have a parent alongand meet in a public place.

6. Tell your child they should NEVER send a picture to anyone, without your permission.

Talk with your child about setting rules for going online (time of day, length of time)and what sites and chat rooms are OK to visit. And what would happen if they break those rules.

Working together, parents and kids can make the internet informative and fun, just don’t make it easy for a child predator to find them.

Michelle Annese is a 3rd degree black belt with 15+ years experience teaching industry specific self defense and safety for women and children. She is author of ‘the Realtor Survival Guide”, ‘Protection for Women’, and ‘The SafeGuard System for Kids’. For more information on how to protect yourself and your family go to http://www.michelleannese.com and check out other articles and sign up for a free safety tips e-newsletter.

Here we will come to know who are the most responsible person to make your child an addicted person & failure.

In general we see kids who are addicted of tobacco , drinking, smoking, etc. addictions are the symbols of unhealthy personality.

Kids adopts addictions because of a] Stress, B] Depression. C] repression. (form anything) When a kid feels one of these or similar of these he wants to come out form the situations. In many countries – drinking and smoking are the accepted norms of getting happiness.

At first when a kid smoke or drink – he does not get any pleasant experience / relief / happiness. But peoples around him makes him feel so. Over a period of a time he develops & adopts the habit / addiction.

In a survey it is found that kids gives similar expressions on the question “why you smoke / drink etc.?” or ”what and how you feel after / while drinking or smoking ? “

These expressions are a] I get mental peace, b] I feel more confident and aggressive, c] it is good for my tummy & helps in latrine, d] It is full of pride & sign of growing man e] it removes the loneliness, anger, depression. But this is all away form fact & just a self-deceit.

In the parental aspect when the parents came to know about their kid’s addictions / bad habits ; the (99.9% normal reaction ) parents says “ (1) He has bad Company”, “(2)He has bad friends” etc. But in reality it fiction and fact is different. Yes, Fact is different.

Form the beginning / since your child born he has only company and that is you, The parent. He / she got your company for very first day.

Not getting the good company form parents is the main reason to raise new problems in the life of a kid.

Confidence and every thing which requires in social life : he gets it form the home (your company).

But what Exactly happens by which

they get mentally imbalanced & cause addiction / bad habits ? well, the reasons are.

1. being our self (parents) indiscipline & teaching / imposing discipline to kids

2. Pressure to follow the rules, and discouragement.

3. Our self (parents) addicted and not giving sufficient time to the kids

4. Not allowing kids to express emotions & needs. Not understanding the kids

5. Not giving love & affection at the expectation level of kids

6. Improper / Imbalanced mutual understanding and difference of opinion among parents.

7. Economical problems in family and divorce.

These are the main reasons by which kids gets influenced and affected.

By the nature of law everybody wants to forget the bad / troubling events in life and to get relief kids do addiction just to get so called happiness and he develops inferiority complex that he has chance to get happy form addiction(s) (which he never gets).

To do addictions he requires money and to earn / grab that money he creates more problems.

Basically in these kids – confidence level gets low and low, reduces the success rate, develops the negative thoughts and bad results are keep on growing.

Any one can predict the future of such kids( and you also know the beginning point).

Getting escape form addiction is very hard thing, easy thing is to prevent them form addiction before they starts.

We bring them on the earth so its only parents responsibility & duty to make child successful by providing right mind & body needs.

Just like a kite, a thread helps kite to reach top most place in the sky ; Similarly we are (thread) in parent-child relationship. What if you loose / cut the thread…… ?

We have no rights to raise question and to say my son / daughter has bad company.

Copyrights : © Nilesh B Gore.

About The Author

Name : Nilesh B Gore

Profession : Graphologist(Hndwriting Analyst) & SW. Eng.

Email : ng411002@rediffmail.com

Web : http://www.brendynamics.com/hw.htm

Country : India, Ms

Author has written for the leading newspaper (Sakal) in India – Ms

and his articles had been published in number of websites.

There are a few points about shyness in children which will help you better understand the best approach in dealing with your child. You will need to identify the nature of your child’s shyness. Children are shy in different ways for different reasons. Understanding the nature of your child’s shyness will help you develop a program geared towards your child’s specific needs. Here are some tips to help you get started.

1. First of all, are you sure your child really is shy? Some children like to size up a situation before they jump in. Caution should not be misunderstood as shyness.

2. You’ll need to find out the type of situations that make your child shy. Some children are shy only when they are in a group. Others become shy when asked to make a presentation in front of the class at school. Try to identify the specific skills your child needs to be more at ease in social situations which make them to be shy.

3. Don’t call your child “shy”. Studies have shown that often a child will grow to fit a label. Parental pressure on the shy child can cause anxiety and insecurity, leading to a worse problem with shyness. Don’t push your child to achieve above his or her individual level. If you have to use the word ‘shy’ to describe your child always pair it with something positive, e.g. “John is a little shy around people but he is a brilliant pianist!”

4. Never compare your shy child with other children in a negative way. And never allow anyone else to hurt your

child in this way.

5. Take your child’s ideas seriously. By lessening the importance of a child’s concerns you lessen the child.

6. Help your child identify talents and hobbies that make him or her feel special.

7. Seek out activities that offer an opportunity for growth and increased interaction with other children of his or her age. Encourage your child to get involved in activities with others. Don’t allow too many isolating activities, like watching TV.

8. Never push your child to do things he or she would find unbearable. Rather, make suggestions, but realize your child may not be ready. Be patient.

9. You need not handle your shy child with kid gloves, but be aware of how he feels and show that you understand.

10. Seek qualified professional help if necessary.

Being shy doesn’t have to mean that something is wrong with your child. It simply means that your child is uncomfortable in social situations. You can start your search for help by reading books, talking with other parents of shy children, taking classes, searching for information on the web or by speaking with your pastor. But if your child needs immediate help it’s best to consult a qualified child counsellor. You can read some more articles about parenting at: http://www.baby-shop.org.uk/guide/

Copyright © 2005, Bridget Mwape writes for the Baby Shop UK: http://www.baby-shop.org.uk/ which features baby information including articles and discounts on baby products, gifts and advice from other parents.

This article may be republished as long as all the above links are active and clickable and this author box (byline) is not edited.

Q. We recently caught our son smoking pot, and we wonder whether he’s doing more stuff. We have reason to believe he has been hiding drugs in his room, and we’re wondering whether we should go into his room to see whether we can find anything. Some parents we’ve talked to say yes. Others say, “Don’t invade his privacy because you will lose his trust.” What do you think we should do?

A. Based on more than 25 years of working with teen-agers and families, I suggest:

Absolutely, yes, go check out his room.

I say this for at least three reasons:

1) It’s your house.

You bought it. You pay the mortgage. You can go anywhere in the house you wish to go.

End of story.

2) You have reason to believe that there is something dangerous in your son’s room.

If you knew there was a poisonous snake or a ticking bomb in his room, would you want to go in and get it out?

Of course.

You have reason to believe there is something both poisonous and explosive in his room.

Find

out and get it out.

3) While you are correct to believe that trust is a crucial issue here, the trust between you already has been broken.

Your son broke it when he began to smoke pot and keep it from you. And in my experience, there is usually more that you do not know behind what you have already discovered.

Your first job is to get him safe, and then you can work on rebuilding the trust.

You can look through his room and then deal with him about whatever you find. Another way to look through his room is to do it with him, and then you get to deal with whatever you find as you find it.

Either way, he certainly won’t like it much, but that is not the issue.

Visit ParentingYourTeenager.com for tips and tools for thriving during the teen years. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 5 day e-program on The Top 5 Things to Never Say to Your Teenager, from parenting coach and expert Jeff Herring .

“Just turn the lights off and go to sleep”

Do you find yourself saying this to your child? Well, you’re not alone!!Sleep problems are some of the most common problems parents face with their children. Some parents struggle with getting their child to sleep through the night. New parents worry about how to help their child learn good sleep habits that last a lifetime. And still others wonder if their child’s sleep difficulties are chronic and are concerned that their child may be going through their days sleep-deprived.

Studies reveal that a significant number of children have some form of a sleep disturbance. Sleep disturbances among children and adolescents are common. Prolonged changes in sleep patterns, if left untreated, can result in significant emotional, behavioral, and cognitive impairment and can put your child at risk for poor school performance, accidents, and social or medical problems. The key is to identify changes in sleep, and to know when to seek assistance.

Sleep disturbance can take several forms including:

• difficulty falling asleep

• trouble staying asleep

• frequently awakening

There also are other variations of sleep issues known as parasomnias, e.g., night terrors or sleepwalking.

To alleviate your child’s sleep disturbance, try these simple steps:

• Keep bedtime at the same time each night: This helps your child establish a structure and enforces a predictable routine.

• Monitor unnecessary environmental stimuli: Minimize the light and noise in the child’s bedroom (music, lights)

• Encourage pre-bedtime relaxation: Children respond well to activities that allow them to wind down such as a warm bath, massage or aromatherapy

• Share some activity: Dedicate time to reading a bedtime story or talking about your child’s day and encouraging meditation and reflection

• Plan the transition: Ease the child into new processes by discussing changes and comforting their transition into healthy sleep habits

Sleep in its natural form is the only way our bodies can re-charge. Beyond resting, sleep

serves many functions including memory preservation. If your child is not receiving the quality and quantity of sleep that is required (typically 8-12 hours each night is optimal), the toll can be enormous. Performance in school, interacting with others and activities of daily living may diminish in quality. The origins of a sleep disturbance may range from anxiety tied to emotional conflicts, such as fear of an upcoming test or excitement over a speaking part in the school play, to medical issues such as apnea. It is important that the underlying issue be addressed, no matter the source, to resolve the sleep disturbance and give your child their best shot at life.

Remember always to take into account where your child is in their developmental stage, because some sleep issues are age-appropriate. If you have exhausted the suggestions listed above, then possibly the need for professional intervention is warranted. You are the expert when it comes to your child and their sleep patterns. If you have a concern, trust your instinct and seek professional advice.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

Dr. Charles Sophy currently serves as Medical Director for the Los Angeles County Department of Children and Family Services (DCFS), which is responsible for the health, safety and welfare of nearly 40,000 foster children. He also has a private psychiatry practice in Beverly Hills, California. Dr. Sophy has lectured extensively and is an Associate Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at the University of California Los Angeles Neuro-Psychiatric Institute. His lectures and teachings are consistently ranked as among the best by those in attendance.

Dr. Charles Sophy, author of the “Keep ‘Em Off My Couch” blog, provides real simple answers for solving life’s biggest problems. He specializes in improving the mental health of children. To contact Dr. Sophy, visit his blog at http://drsophy.com

“In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn’tdanced on television.” (Erma Bombeck, 1927-1996)

Once upon a time not so very long ago, you probably envisionedthat your children would be good, healthy eaters while growingup. Naturally, they would like everything you placed beforethem on the dinner table, and would beg for seconds andsometimes thirds. However, because you are reading thisarticle, that lovely bubble has most likely popped anddisintegrated into the mess you may find yourself cleaning offthe floor, table, or wherever your delicious entrees happen toland thanks to your picky eaters.

Keeping up with your child’s picky eating preferences can befrustrating, especially when one week he or she will only eatpeanut-butter sandwiches, and the next cheese-covered Frenchfries. Then, when he or she develops the nasty habit of puttingcatsup on everything – including ice cream – you may think youhave reached the ultimate level of gross-out.

Do not despair because eventually your picky eater child willbecome bored with that food of choice and move on to somethingelse!

Many children undergo a period of highly selective eating,commonly referred to as “picky eaters.” The reality is that allchildren (not just what you might consider a picky eater child)do not have the same taste buds as adults. Instead, theirpalates are undeveloped and may be more sensitive

to differenttextures, flavors, and spices.

As children grow older, their tastes literally change, expandingto include more foods – but not always. When this does nothappen, clever picky eater coping strategies are needed.

Many explanations exist for children’s unusual picky eatinghabits that bypass biological and developmental reasons. Today,you will discover numerous forms of public awareness andunderstanding about picky eaters. In fact, discussion forumsand clubs devoted to the mysteries of picky eaters, along withwhat makes these folks tick are everywhere. We are not justtalking about kids, but also adults who grew up as picky eatersand now find themselves in this exclusive category as theystruggle with their unique appetites.

Remember, when it comes to picky eaters, “unique” is thekeyword. Your picky eater child may have a different palate,but he or she is not strange, weird, or even unusual. A varietyof reasons could account for his or her taste buds being apartfrom other children.

If you would like to learn more about the reasons certain kidsare picky eaters or discover some great tasting and easy toprepare picky eater recipes then visit http://mypickyeater.com

Learn step-by-step how to successfully cope with Picky Eaters with Help There is a Picky Eater in The House! Full of Proven Strategies and Great Picky Eater Recipes that are Guaranteed to Help. http://www.mypickyeater.com

Moving house can be an emotional experience for adults, so imagine how much more unsettling it can be for children who don’t really understand what’s going on.

There are many things to consider when relocating, none more important than the impact of moving on your children.

REMAIN POSITIVE:

The secret is to remain positive.

Most often the reason for moving is a happy one, such as a new home or job promotion, which generates excitement and compensates for the inconvenience of packing up and relocating.

However if the move is associated with an unhappy event it can be hard to keep a positive attitude in front of the children.

Children feed off the emotions of their parents.

If you are not happy the chances are they are not happy either and will need more reassurance and attention to ensure the move is a positive experience for all of you.

TALK TO YOUR CHILDREN:

Explain to your children what’s happening, why you are moving, where you are moving to and what they can do

to help so that they feel a part of what’s happening.

Listen to them.

Let them express how they are feeling, and empathise with them, even if some of their feelings are negative.

It is only natural they will be concerned, leaving familiar surroundings and friends.

Leaving the known for the unknown can be pretty scary.

Most importantly be honest with your children.

Reassure them that they are an important part of the family, and can help make the move a positive family experience.

TEARS AND TANTRUMS:

Children express their anxiety in a number of ways.

Tears and tantrums are the most common. If your children have moved before, and the experience was not a happy one, they may show signs of depression, withdrawn behaviour, or signs of aggression such as tantrums.

Once again, the answer is lots of reassurance and a positive attitude.

You can read more of this article at Moving Again

Jason Hill is the owner of Moving Again, a successful Interstate Removal Company in Australia.

Whether we realize it or not we teach our children about money every day. Sometimes we teach with words and sometimes with actions. I’m sure at one time or another the following scenario as happened to you or something close to it: “Mom, can we go buy some toys?” You say, “We don’t have the money for that right now.” Your children reply, “Just go to the ATM and get the money.” You then make a comment to the effect, “There has to be money in my account in order to get money from the ATM.” I still remember the first time I had that conversation and my children’s jaws dropped. It never occurred to them that you had to have money in order to get money out of the ATM machine. They just saw the ATM as the cash machine – Free money. Don’t we all wish that was true!

Let me share with you another conversation we had in my house. We were giving out allowances and we always give it to them in change, so they can take their offering to church. My son said, “Why, do we give money to church anyway?” My daughter quickly piped up, “Because, the Bible tells us to.” She is accurate that the Bible instructs us to give to church, but there is a better explanation. (For the record, I don’t like using because the Bible says so – we need to teach our children about the reasons God gives us instructions and his promises in the Bible.) We give money to church, because God owns everything anyway. All that we have has been given to us from Him and he owns it all. We are only giving a small portion back to thank Him for the bounty he has given us. So, we give the church a praise offering for what God has graciously given us.

Many people have different views about money. Some don’t want to tell their children anything about how much they make and how they pay bills. They don’t want their children to know that and see that as private. Some people give their children way too much information and then children worry

if things are tight. I think there is a middle ground. How are children going to learn to spend money wisely if we don’t show them? I think it is important for you to share with children how things were in the lean years of your family. That maybe right now. Many children today, when they become adults, want to start out where their parents ended up. They don’t see all the difficult times that led up to where their parents are now. Share with your children in age appropriate ways how to spend and save money. Teach your children how to compare prices and shop for a bargain. I have seen many teenagers over the years and I’m amazed at when they start spending their own money for clothing all the sudden Wal-Mart doesn’t look so bad anymore, instead of the high priced stores they want parents to spend their money.

In conclusion, what and how are you teaching your children about money? Do they know that God is in control? Do they see you giving to church? Do they even know how bills are paid? Maybe you are saying, “I have been a poor manager of money, who am I to teach them?” We are all learning and God is gracious to help us when we make mistakes. He can help you know what to say and how to teach your children about money. Ask God to help you manage your money wisely and set a good example for your children.

© 2005 Kimberly Chastain

Kimberly Chastain, MS, LMFT is the Christian Working Mom Coach and a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. She was recently featured in the book the Myth of the Perfect Mother. She is the author of “Help My Preteen/Teenager is Driving Me Nuts!!!” To purchase a copy of this e-book please visit http://www.kimberlychastain.com/parenting To schedule a free, initial coaching session send an email to free@kimberlychastain.com or visit http://www.christianworkingmom.com Feel free to make comments on this article at the Christian Working Mom Blog, http://kimberlychastain.com/my-journal

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